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never like what i see in the mirror

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Anonymous

I can see from your profile pic that you're one of those annoying people who moans about their looks even though most girls would kill to have your face and figure. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel sorry instead for those who are genuinely not as lucky in the looks department :smile:

I don't believe she was moaning (she just said she understands how the OP feels)...anyway, a lot of people are insecure about things that they are good at/are better than others at. No need to get mad at her about it. Although Holly-At is beautiful, there are things/people in our society that teach us we need to be perfect, not merely 'beautiful'...*shrug* I understand where she is coming from.

Back to the OP though - are you *sure* you don't have an eating disorder?
You are obsessing over your looks, you have lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, and you are trying to hide the weight loss/your eating habits from everyone else...sounds suspicious...but I'm not going to pry.

I think Ph9 was a bit harsh with the way he approached responding to you, but I agree, you do need to believe in yourself if you want to get anything done.

If you want advice about makeup and all that, I suggest talking to girls you know in person about how to do it properly (they might even offer to give you a makeover :smile:

) ...and like I said, proper diet will make your hair look nice (as opposed to dull).

Good luck.

Reply 21

ph9

she.

i love how i give off a male vibe on the net.

Reply 22

domlague

Whatever you do, do NOT get rid of the mirrors as suggested by a previous poster!

If anything, buy more mirrors.

If you see yourself enough, you'll be moved to change what you see. If you think you're fat and geniunely are, work to change it. In my opinion, body composition is the single most important factor in how good people look. Almost everything about you, including your how your facial features look changes with levels of fitness and body increased lean body mass. I know from experience: I went from 90-ish kg and ugly (i'm a guy and 6'2"... was around 6'0" at the time though) down to 73-ish, and now back up to around 78-ish (the increase is mostly muscle, and I'm aiming to add another 10-15-20kg to that still), and have seen absolutely startling changes in the mirror. I am now far better looking both bodily and facially.

Incidentally, this ramble goes somewhere: keep looking in that mirror, and don't stop until you like what you see!

- hoping the aforementioned ramble made at least some sense,

- me.

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

Ink

Back to the OP though - are you *sure* you don't have an eating disorder?
You are obsessing over your looks, you have lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, and you are trying to hide the weight loss/your eating habits from everyone else...sounds suspicious...but I'm not going to pry.

I think Ph9 was a bit harsh with the way he approached responding to you, but I agree, you do need to believe in yourself if you want to get anything done.

If you want advice about makeup and all that, I suggest talking to girls you know in person about how to do it properly (they might even offer to give you a makeover :smile:

) ...and like I said, proper diet will make your hair look nice (as opposed to dull).

Good luck.

thanks. thats really sweet. no dont worry i dont have an eating disorder - i know people who do and they are like size 4 -6 (0 - 2 US size) and i can see that they dont look good!! just a bit of a weird relationship thats all...

thanks for the good luck,... maybe one day i'll be posting here saying i am now happy with how i look.

xx

Reply 24

Cushti

[QUOTE="Anonymous"]

Holly-AT

Heya. I don't think I can help much other than to say i feel exactly the same when I look in the mirror too!

I can see from your profile pic that you're one of those annoying people who moans about their looks even though most girls would kill to have your face and figure. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel sorry instead for those who are genuinely not as lucky in the looks department :smile:

I don't feel sorry for myself. Instead I try and concentrate on features I do like rather than those I don't, which is what I tried to encourage the OP to do. And I would never 'feel sorry' for someone who I don't find particularly good-looking, jeez.

Reply 25

Sexy Plexi

Jesus, I can't believe why some people bother to comment on problems they don't have any personal experience of or any kind of grasp on! It's really ****ing dangerous for someone who has issues with food to be trying to lose/ gain weight.. it's a mentality that can be pretty difficult to alter and it is important for someone who's prone to over-exercsing/ under-eating to keep some perspective and control their weight sensibly. And that's from my personal experience.

If you have a complex about your appearence, low self-esteem, a poor body image yada yada yada, it doesn't matter if you're the prettiest girl (or hottest guy) in the world... it's your self-perception. It's not people
"whining" or fishing for compliments, it's a real feeling and shouldn't be mocked or dismissed, as viewing yourself in such a negative way really screws up your confidence/ whole outlook. (Incidentally, the poster who got slated.. you really do look very attractive judging from your profile pic.)

To the OP, I would suggest:

- you take a long look in the mirror and look through some photographs of yourself. Ask people close to you to list your 3 best features (by they physical or personal qualities) There must be some enviable/ attractive features which you possess. Focus on these instead when you look in the mirror.

- everytime a negative, undermining thought pops into your head try really hard to subvert it and challenge your way of thinking. it's such a cliche, but negativity is a vicious circle and positivity/ confidence can be forced/ faked to some degree and it will then become real, natural to you. (hope that made sense!)

- place value on yourself as a person, see yourself as a whole package

- bear in mind we are often our own worst critics! it is very likely no-one else sees you as you see yourself, which I'm sure you know

- wear clothes/ makeup which flatter your bodyshape/ colouring.. make the most of what you have and play up your best features.

-eat healthily/ keep active/sleep plenty/ throw yourself into your life (socially, work wise etc).. live a full existence and spend time with people you care about/ who care about you.. this will help to put things into perspective, that you're loved and appreciated and that looks aren't the reason people are drawn to you/ want you in their lives

- stay strong. the changes have to come from you

Good luck. PM me if you ever need to.

PS: And there could've been any number of reasons why your girlfriend didn't want to sleep together. I mean, did you break up soon afterwards? Maybe she didn't feel close enough or had doubts about the relationship and so didn't want to get that intimate. I don't mean that in a mean way at all, just saying don't turn that one back onto you.

Reply 26

Flopifloor

I know what you feel, I used to feel so miserable about myself (and I still do sometimes, but that's normal, you can't feel great all the time) and I found that having a passion really helped. I used to dance a lot when I lived in Belgium and I had to stop when I came to Tanzania but I recently found a teacher and so I started again. Whenever I get out of the class, I feel so great. So yeah, try to find something that you love doing and try to do it as much as you can. It doesn't have to be physical, you can just make cookies for your friends (and get THEM fat! :wink:

) and do go to the gym or workout at home etc ike the others say. It may be hard to start, but after a while you'll enjoy it. And also get a good friend or someone you trust and feel comfortable with to tell you everything that's nice about you and looks good,. Go shopping with that friend of yours you think is so perfect and ask her to help, ask her her opinion on the clothes you choose and whether it fits you etc...

Reply 27

Flopifloor

oh, and I just remembered: my mother always said that you should tell compliments to other people because then they always come back to you sometimes. And it's true, if you're nice to people, they will be nice to you...

Reply 28

90'schild

Holly-AT

Heya. I don't think I can help much other than to say i feel exactly the same when I look in the mirror too! Tbh I think most girls do, lots of people are far to quick to criticise themselves and how they look, I doubt anyone feels entirely satisfied with how their appearance. Maybe just try and focus on the features that you prefer? Everyone has good points :-]. Hope you feel better soon x

yeah you are one those annoying people who thinks they are ugly but really aren't! tsk But you are right the op should just focus on their better points.

Reply 29

Profesh

I genuinely like the way I look; which doesn't actually equate to feeling physically attractive, but there you go: an unusual dichotomy, granted, though not quite a paradox.

Reply 30

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

Anonymous

I never like the person i see in the mirror.. some stuff i like... but generally i see fat, not particularly good looking... my clothes never look right. my hair looks dull... i dont look pretty, or sexy or anything. i try to look better but i cant. i just feel ugly... and i know i am not clinically fat but i still wish i could be slimmer...
oh and btw i have only ever had one relationship and that was with a girl (im gay) who didnt even want to sleep with me (and thats a big deal for her - very out of the ordinary)... so that doesnt make me feel any better bout myself... i know everyone just says that i should just have confidence in who i am... but the truth is i have confidence in who i am inside but it just isnt enough. i just wish there was a way to make myself look better... more sexy, attractive whatever...

We are the best critics about ourselves, because we know ourselves moreso than others we find every single fault unlike other people who don't. Yeah you should have more confidence but you can build on that :smile:

if youthink you don't feel sexy or attractive hows about taking a day to go shopping for a nice outfit and go to the hairdressers and get a colour put in (since yo think your hair is dull) and a nice cut to shape your face. Finding clothes, make up and hairstyle that suits you can make a hell of a lot of difference when it comes to feeling pretty. If I feel absolutely s*** about myself that's what i'll do, you may as well give it a try and see :smile:

Reply 31

Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone, i am gonna try all your tips (Christmas holliday project)
see how things go... i really appreciate everything you've said, am just gonna see what i can do
=]