Suitable age for engagement?

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for over a year and a half. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that there is nobody else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him with all of my heart. We are currently in a LDR, seeing each other every other week, we make it work and out our relationship first. We get on so well together and are completely besotted with one another. I have this niggling feeling that I want to be more to him than just a girlfriend. I want to be his fiance and ultimately his wife. We are planning on getting a house together in a year and a half's time. We have talked about the future, marriage and our lives together. We know what we both want.

Would society think that we are too young to make this step?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

Rum Ham

20

Society would probably say you are too young to get engaged but as long as you guys are happy then that's all that matters. Besides, you guys could have a long engagement and not get married for years anyway.

Me and my bf got engaged at 20 after being together for 3 years and living together for 2 and a half years at that point. Years on we still aren't close to getting married but it was the next step in our relationship.

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Reply 2

Elliebeanie

3

They way I look at it is that being engaged isn't too different than being boyfriend and girlfriend. You can still break up just as easily (not that I am implying you will!!), it's not like marriage where there's a whole lot of divorce involved haha.

Society will probably view you in particular as too young but eh. You should do what you want :smile:

Reply 3

kiss_me_now9

16

I met my ex at 20; we were long distance for 3 years and then lived together for nearly two years after that.

We split up last summer. Honestly I would've said the same thing as you when we moved in together. Up until we broke up I would've said the same thing. I'm hand on heart glad that we didn't go for it and get engaged; at the end of the day I'd rather be single than divorced!

The long and short of it is that after a year and a half you don't know someone anywhere near enough to marry them. 5 years on and I still learn new things about my ex every day (we're still good friends).

Reply 4

-Laureliz-

OP

14

Original post by kiss_me_now9

I met my ex at 20; we were long distance for 3 years and then lived together for nearly two years after that.

We split up last summer. Honestly I would've said the same thing as you when we moved in together. Up until we broke up I would've said the same thing. I'm hand on heart glad that we didn't go for it and get engaged; at the end of the day I'd rather be single than divorced!

The long and short of it is that after a year and a half you don't know someone anywhere near enough to marry them. 5 years on and I still learn new things about my ex every day (we're still good friends).

Thanks 😊. Sorry that you're relationship didn't work out. Forgot to mention that we've been on a number of holidays in Florida, the Caribbean and the Bahammas together. We spent all of the summer together never parting from one another. All of which have actually been better for us. Like every other couple, there are arguments. Although with us it occurs in the time that we are apart. I'd say that we know everything about eachother at this point. There are no secrets. My mother is very supportive and encouraging about this next step. She's supposed to know what's best for me I guess. Suppose everyone is different and no two relationships are the same with the same consequences. I have no doubts about the future and direction of which we are going. Just don't know when we should take that leap...

Reply 5

-Laureliz-

OP

14

Original post by Spock's Socks

Society would probably say you are too young to get engaged but as long as you guys are happy then that's all that matters. Besides, you guys could have a long engagement and not get married for years anyway.

Me and my bf got engaged at 20 after being together for 3 years and living together for 2 and a half years at that point. Years on we still aren't close to getting married but it was the next step in our relationship.

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We already have an idea re wedding and when, where etc. Think after reading the replies we're going to wait until I'm 18 just before I move into our house. Planning to get married when I'm 21/22. Sounds crazy that we have it all planned but when you know, you know 😊

Reply 6

Cadherin

14

Original post by -Laureliz-

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for over a year and a half. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that there is nobody else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him with all of my heart. We are currently in a LDR, seeing each other every other week, we make it work and out our relationship first. We get on so well together and are completely besotted with one another. I have this niggling feeling that I want to be more to him than just a girlfriend. I want to be his fiance and ultimately his wife. We are planning on getting a house together in a year and a half's time. We have talked about the future, marriage and our lives together. We know what we both want.

Would society think that we are too young to make this step?

Not at all! If Muhammad can marry a nine year old, then I can't see any problem with your boyfriend getting engaged to a 17 year old. :smile:

Reply 7

LondonBrah_

6

Original post by Cadherin

Not at all! If Muhammad can marry a nine year old, then I can't see any problem with your boyfriend getting engaged to a 17 year old. :smile:

you are disgusting

Reply 8

-Laureliz-

OP

14

Original post by Elliebeanie

They way I look at it is that being engaged isn't too different than being boyfriend and girlfriend. You can still break up just as easily (not that I am implying you will!!), it's not like marriage where there's a whole lot of divorce involved haha.

Society will probably view you in particular as too young but eh. You should do what you want :smile:

I whole heartedly agree. Just feel that we are nearly ready in the relationship to move onto this part. Just want there to be more. Others have told me that I shouldn't care what others think as long as it's what I want but it's always at the back of your mind. It's not like we'd be doing it through an accidental pregnancy, for example, and having to rush things. I'm sure most people would assume this is the case though lol. We'd be doing it through love. It's not really your typical 17/20 year old relationship. Just want everything to be perfect

Reply 9

Cadherin

14

Original post by LondonBrah_

you are disgusting

Note the sarcasm in my post. I find it repulsive that people worship a Prophet who commits such vile acts.

Reply 10

LondonBrah_

6

Original post by Cadherin

Note the sarcasm in my post.

I know, being sarcastic about something like that is just disgusting. There was no need for it

Reply 11

Cadherin

14

Original post by LondonBrah_

I know, being sarcastic about something like that is just disgusting. There was no need for it

Not really - it is merely satirical humour in a highly un-PC context.

Reply 12

scrotgrot

16

Original post by -Laureliz-

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for over a year and a half. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that there is nobody else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him with all of my heart. We are currently in a LDR, seeing each other every other week, we make it work and out our relationship first. We get on so well together and are completely besotted with one another. I have this niggling feeling that I want to be more to him than just a girlfriend. I want to be his fiance and ultimately his wife. We are planning on getting a house together in a year and a half's time. We have talked about the future, marriage and our lives together. We know what we both want.

Would society think that we are too young to make this step?

Christ, good luck with that ... how much are you earning?

Reply 13

kiss_me_now9

16

Original post by -Laureliz-

Thanks 😊. Sorry that you're relationship didn't work out. Forgot to mention that we've been on a number of holidays in Florida, the Caribbean and the Bahammas together. We spent all of the summer together never parting from one another. All of which have actually been better for us. Like every other couple, there are arguments. Although with us it occurs in the time that we are apart. I'd say that we know everything about eachother at this point. There are no secrets. My mother is very supportive and encouraging about this next step. She's supposed to know what's best for me I guess. Suppose everyone is different and no two relationships are the same with the same consequences. I have no doubts about the future and direction of which we are going. Just don't know when we should take that leap...

,,, And?

We went on holidays together too, and lived together for 1.5 years, both unemployed for a few months of those so spending every day together.

Unless you live with someone for a decent amount of time, you really don't know them. It's stupid little things that make the issues. I hate doing the washing up so I'll leave it until there's a large amount left to do which he hates, he has to do it straight away. He will go to a cupboard and eat anything he fancies whereas I have foods that I know I'm keeping for something but don't tell him - and get annoyed when he eats it! In the end the biggest reason we've split is that he doesn't want a family/kids in the future and I do. It's a really big thing. FWIW, we spoke about it when we first moved in and he said that he did want to get married and have kids but as time grew on he realised that he didn't.

My advice would be don't buy a house together, rent together first. Live together for at least two years (the first year really is the honeymoon period over again, especially if you're moving out of your family home as you'll have so much more independence and freedom everything will seem great) and consider if you can spend every single moment of your life with him. Make sure he feels the same.

Reply 14

Zarek

21

Minimum 25, 5 years together, 2 of which living together. Otherwise certain divorce down the road..

Reply 15

MrsSheldonCooper

20

Personally I wouldn't mind getting engaged at a young age (e.g. 21) as long as I get my degree done and I've got a secure job

Reply 16

hydrogirl_13

8

Live together at least a year, rent or something don't get engaged before living together, your age doesn't matter but the relationship changes when you live together
i got engaged at 17, the guy cheated on my 6months down the line
my husband and I lived together for year before getting engaged its vital

Reply 17

donutaud15

22

Get engaged when you're ready. It's just a promise to marry after all. However you should live together first before marrying. That way you know if you can cope with each other when things are tough.

I got engaged at 18 and my husband 20. We were together for just 3 weeks before he proposed. We lived together for a year before marrying and I can honestly say I learned a lot that year, mostly about coping with another person I'm still trying to get to know.

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