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mum cant accept my bisexuality-shes dying of cancer

Im becoming more and more sure im bisexual. Im not shouting it from the rooftops, but if asked i tell the truth, and well today my mum asked. I watered it down a bit and said i was bicurious-mum said she didnt approve at all and it would be an extra pressure on her

The thing is shes very, very ill with cancer of the bones. She doesnt have a lot of time left. Im lucky that i have other family who im really close to and they dont care if im bi or not. But i want this time left with my mother to be as happy as possible-so i feel guilty about being bi. But i also feel guilty if i pretend im not, for her sake...

Im not goin to start a lesbian relationship and flaunt it under her nose, but i just wish shew would accept this part of me. I love her so much and we were so close...id do anything for her, but i dont want to deny part of myself :frown:

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Reply 1

Rouge

i'm really sorry for what your going through with your mum, is there a chance she might get better, and wait till then to tell her?

Anyway, if she really doesn't have much time left, wouldn't it be better if you just made her happy and don't tell her ? its hardly veery important compared to her illness, and its not like your hiding a bad thing from her

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

It certainly is a difficult situation, but as there isn't an evident long term implication, I'd suggest you to consider the current events in light of your mothers condition and try to put her at ease - whatever that may take. Though I must point out I don't understand how your sexuality gets worked into the conversation in an environment like that.

I wish all the best and am sorry to hear of her condition. Good luck.

Reply 3

sweetface.

Why do you feel the need to prove it to your mother? You should be enjoying the last few moments you have with her. Please try not prove your sexuality anymore, otherwise you will really end up regreting your last times with your mother trying to prove something, that you don't need to prove. Just enjoy your mothers company while she is still with you.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

I recently lost my mum to cancer.

My advice is to drop the Bi thing and make the most of the time you have left with her.

After that you can go back to the gay and proud act you have going on but at the moment it really shouldn't be a consideration.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

we talk about everything, sex included, with total frankness. were very, very close. i dont have a "gay and proud" thing goin on as someone put it...

Its just since she knows me so well, and we have always shared absolutely everything, and she leves to see me happy and doing well in all aspects of life- so im so sad she cant see this the way i do, as a positive thing in my life.i just wish she could say she doesnt care about the gender of the people i love. and i thought she would because shes never been homophobic in any way before- we both have gay and lesbian friends

but im thinkin that ill brush it away and not mention it, to create no tension

Reply 6

sidi

Your mum obviously wants your happiness above all else and is worried that you won't get it from bi-relationships. Tell her about the parts of your life that she can relate to, your plans for the future, talk about your shared past, your childhood. Relive all the happy times, these are the memories that will endure. I know it probably sounds morbid but maybe you could plan her funeral together or a celebration of her life. That will help you come to terms with what is going on.

Reply 7

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

its a painful situation for both of you. you want to be bi openly, yet your mother disapprove, yet you dont wana make her upset by been a bi.

well think about it this way, your mum is seriously ill, so to make her happy you have to change.

by change i dont mean you just pretend you're not bi when your mum is there, and when shes gone you become bi again. no don't do that, try to change, force yourself to change, i normally would never advice any1 to change their sexuality, but your mum is more important than anything in this world to you. if its her will for you not becoming a bi, then u'd have to do everything you can to not be 1.

if at the end you still cannot 'stop' being a bi, then i'd suggest you to talk to your mum again, and ask for her advice or opinion on what you should do.

my mum had cancer few years ago, so i know how you feel, but you ave to be strong for yourself and your mum, hopefully she'll get better.

gd luck

Reply 8

cheesecakebobby

No offence, but if I was terminally ill, I don't think I would let my prejudices make my family feel worse than they already do.

Reply 9

aleathiel

Kelv

you can't change your sexuality like that and "stop being a bi"

the OP could just simply not talk about it around her mum if she knows it will upset her?

my dad died of cancer recently so I can relate, although my situation is different in the way that my dad was very accepting of my sexuality

OP, pm me anytime you feel you need to talk about anything, I know what it's like to go through that :hugs:

Reply 10

wendizzle22

It'd be even more of a shame if you made her feel worse by pushing it that you're bi and that she should accept it, then realised a few years later that in fact you were just going through really emotional times and that seemed to be the case back then but truly isn't.
Of course there is nothing wrong with being bi, but as you haven't had a bi relationship and all that stuff I think it's a gamble. Thinking girls are fit isn't that big a deal, u don't really have to tell everyone.

Reply 11

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

hmmm true maybe, but her bisexuality is enviromental i.e. she gradually became one, so she can TRY to gradually become not bi,,, if that makes sense.

Reply 12

Jonatan

You have been honest with her, that is really all you can do. You can't force people to feel ok about it, and you can't force them to understand. It is quite sad that you should be in this situation, but try not to worry too much about it.

Reply 13

generalebriety

Kelv

What the **** is this.

OP: just don't bring the topic up. It sounds horrible but if she doesn't think about it, it won't hurt her - and it's not as if you're hiding it from her, because she knows.

Reply 14

hanadeka2002

I lost my mum to cancer in July and,although my circumstances weren't like yours I did continue to rebel against my mum,I refused to change my way of life/the way I acted or anything.I suppose it was a mechanism for pretending she wasn't really dying or something...

Anyway,I really wish I hadn't acted like such a bitch now. I strongly advise you to at least not mention the bisexuality thing when you're around your mum.It will make it so much easier on her.Enjoy the time you have together,try not to add any more stress to her life!

Reply 15

EPD

Kelv

hmmm true maybe, but her bisexuality is enviromental i.e. she gradually became one, so she can TRY to gradually become not bi,,, if that makes sense.

Mate, you're talking out of your bottom and not helping anyone.

Reply 16

cutandpasteandtwisty

Anonymous

Your sexuality is NOT important considering the severity of your mother's illness. I suggest you try to avoid talking about it - lie if need be - and enjoy the last few months together.

Reply 17

Cowz

wendizzle22

Of course there is nothing wrong with being bi, but as you haven't had a bi relationship and all that stuff I think it's a gamble. Thinking girls are fit isn't that big a deal, u don't really have to tell everyone.

Do does this mean that even if you fancy the opposite sex but you're a virgin then you could still be gay?

Get real guy! People know they're sexuality long before they go about 'proving' it.

As far as I'm concerned, this is the girl's last chance to tell her mum about the woman her daughter is becoming. If she wishes to share her sexuality then she should not be afraid of her mum's rediculous expectations. What if this girl falls in love with another female? Her mum would NEVER know about it. At least if her mum knows she's bisexual then she would at least die knowing that 'the one' for her daughter may in fact be female. It is almost her last chance to effectively intoduce her future girlfriend.

May I also express my sincere condolences. This is far too heavy for anyone to have to deal with never mind having to come out in the process!

Reply 18

Adhsur

sidi

I know it probably sounds morbid but maybe you could plan her funeral together or a celebration of her life. That will help you come to terms with what is going on.

That's horrible.

Reply 19

squigaletta

I really do feel for you, it's such a difficult problem. On the one hand you don't want to upset your mum, because it may make her more ill, and may tarnish your relationship with her, but on the other hand, after years of openess you must feel that it is a breach of her trust and of that bond to coneal something like this, to have such a huge area of your life out of bounds to her. I'm really not sure what to avise, but I'm kinda going for remaining honest with her about it, hopefully she has enough time to reconcile it with herself and you will not lose out on any time together and she will learn to accept it, but it is a huge gamble, it could ruin the percious time you have left...it's just a big risk, and you have to go with your instincts.