Need help, I need a good reason/excuse not to have sex with boyfriend.. any ideas?

Ok so I've been dating a man for weeks now (like 2 months) and he has had many sex partners in his past. We tried sex 2 months ago but it hurt and I've been putting it off ever since. I went to the gp last week and he said nothing was physically wrong so it's just a matter of putting up with probably due to inexperience.

Anyway I've been putting it off and the bf has been getting a little frustrated saying I show no passion whatsoever, never go to kiss him etc plus we split up for a day because he said I didn't like sex and had issues with it. He said he could put up with that for a while but not the rest of his life. I told him it wouldn't be forever and I just need to get used to it. Last week he didn't want me round he didn't text me till very late and said he had been in the bath and didn't feel like getting out. He said the next day that he didn't think it was working out between us because he shouldn't have felt the way he did in the bath (not being bothered to get out and text me). The day after he seemed ok again and we are on good terms again.

Anyway that's just just a bit of history into his character. He has been patient with me about the sex thing and has waited fair enough. Trouble is I'm supposed to be staying at his this weekend and 2 days ago he developed a cold sore. I've never had them before and don't want to catch the herpes virus. He avoided kissing me at first but wanted to kiss me today as he said the coldsore was a bit better and told me not to be soft so I kissed him a little.

Im im worried about staying at his at the weekend I mean he will likely try to kiss me/want sex I'm actually willing to try sex again but am concerned about the coldsore lol. Thing is if I tell him I'm not kissing him and that he's not to kiss me anywhere/do oral he will think I'm making excuses/messing him around and go on about me not showing passion again : /

Im thinking of a good reason not to stay at his as I don't want herpes. I want to be with him but would prefere sex the week after when his cold sore has gone but I've been putting sex off for weeks already he will see it as an excuse and as I said he'l think I'm messing him about.

We are both going to the gym at the weekend before his house I need a good reason to avoid sex (as the real reason won't be accepted by him). I was thinking of pretending I had an injury from the gym or something.

Any ideas? It can't be a period I was on one 2 week ago. I just don't want to break up with him as I do like him but I'm also a bit of an hyperchondriac

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Your body, your rules.
You don't want sex, don't have sex.
Make the bloody ultimatum if you have to.
Sounds like a pushy piece of work and you shouldn't put yourself in a position (pardon the pun) you don't want to be in to maintain some form of relationship with him.
And this is coming from a sex driven man, not a feminist, for the record.

Reply 2

Steffie.

Whoa whoa whoa. Sweetie, if you're not ready, you're not ready.
No matter if you've tried before or how much you feel for this guy. Its difficult on both sides, but in the end, you should not be so worried about this. That's a sign that something is evidently wrong. Breathe, re-evaluate. If you're not up for it, do NOT do it. If he understands, fantastic. If he doesn't, or is sick of waiting, then the two of you are currently on different paths. Then you might have to make a more difficult decision.
You shouldn't need excuses, babydoll. That's not right. Have a good think. Put your priorities in order and take a step back. Perspective.
Good luck x

Reply 3

tommo99999

If he won't slow down for you then he's not worth being with tbh.

Reply 4

EmmaLiu342

Original post by tommo99999

If he won't slow down for you then he's not worth being with tbh.

Completely agree.

Reply 5

sacca

this serioursly sounds like you are being raped, he is clearly coercing you into doing things you don't want to do. boys need to be taught that it just is not ok to treat girls like this, have you tried talking to your parents / friends about the situation? I advise you take a break and stop having sex with him.

Reply 6

Chicken.M.

I think not wanting to catch a virus for life is a good reason for not having sex lol.

Reply 7

phunky_fresh

I wouldn't even bother making up an excuse. If you don't want sex, then you don't want sex. If he can't accept that, then let him go. From what I've read it doesn't even sound like you are happy at all, so why are you forcing things? Don't put yourself in a position where you are doing it just to please him, you need to think about number one more importantly.

Be honest with him about how you feel. You should be able to communicate well with your partner, you shouldn't feel scared to put forth how you feel. If your partner isn't willing to take your feelings into consideration, then maybe that person isn't for you - it's that simple.

Reply 8

capachino

its not being a hypocondriac not wanting to catch a lifelong infection that will put off other people you date
its sensible

Reply 9

TheonlyMrsHolmes

He sounds like an absolute idiot, not to mention how controlling he sounds. He seems to think he has you wrapped around his finger. Seriously if you don't want to have sex, you say no. You don't even need an explanation or a lie to help you get out of it. He sounds like a complete A-hole tbh, I would run for the hills!

Reply 10

bittr n swt

Your relationship revolves around sex and that's sad. It's clear he wants you more for your body.

Do yourself a favour and find someone who will appreciate you otherwise it's a slippery slope from here. First he'll demand sex, then what?

Reply 11

SausageMan

If he truly cares about you, he would listen to you and he would understand your concerns. In my opinion, I don't see this as a healthy relationship as he seems to be rather controlling.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by ChickenMadness

I think not wanting to catch a virus for life is a good reason for not having sex lol.

Its just a cold sore though do people usually avoid sex because of cold sores?

Reply 13

King Leonidas

The inside of your vagina is growing venomous fangs :dontknow:

Reply 14

Chicken.M.

Original post by Anonymous

Its just a cold sore though do people usually avoid sex because of cold sores?

ye lol. it's a permanent virus. Who wants that?

Reply 15

miser

There's no need to make up any excuses for it. It sounds like the two of you aren't communicating very well. Tell him straight - it's important to be on the same page about things. If your relationship's going to work, you both need to feel able to be open and honest about the ways you feel.

Just tell him what you've written here - that it's not that you want to put it off, just you don't want to do it while he has these cold sores. If he thinks that's not the real reason then there are trust issues in the relationship that need to be resolved.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by ChickenMadness

ye lol. it's a permanent virus. Who wants that?

Most people have the herpes virus it's just Ive never had cold sores so probably won't have it yet. So if your gf had a cold sore you would avoid intercourse? Maybe I'm not overreacting but some people would say I am.

Reply 17

mrstudenttsr

Original post by sacca

Please don't throw around that word when you don't understand what it means. :rolleyes:

Reply 18

Chicken.M.

Original post by Anonymous

probably lmao. I don't really get into relationships with people that are promiscuous so cold sores aren't that likely anyway lol

Reply 19

phunky_fresh

Original post by ChickenMadness

probably lmao. I don't really get into relationships with people that are promiscuous so cold sores aren't that likely anyway lol

They sure are. You know if a parent had a cold sore and decided to kiss their child in the lips for e.g. the virus could easily be passed on. Kids pick up viruses so easily and the virus stays with them. It doesn't have anything to do with being promiscuous. I think OP meant she doesn't want to kiss her boyfriend whilst he had a cold sore and she doesn't want sex for the other reasons stated.