Why do people cheat?
It's sort of bothered me how people who cheat don't seem to realise they're cheating when they're in the moment. They're sorry for being caught, not necessarily sorry for doing it. Why would a someone in a relationship cheat? Are they not content? Why not just part ways and if you like another person more, go with them instead? Do you think a married person cheating is worse than a boyfriend or girlfriend cheating?
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Justifiable reasons (imo):
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
Original post by Vixen47
Justifiable reasons (imo):
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
OR You could just talk to the partner instead and go from there lol.
there is no justifiable reason.
Original post by Anonymous
It's sort of bothered me how people who cheat don't seem to realise they're cheating when they're in the moment. They're sorry for being caught, not necessarily sorry for doing it. Why would a someone in a relationship cheat? Are they not content? Why not just part ways and if you like another person more, go with them instead? Do you think a married person cheating is worse than a boyfriend or girlfriend cheating?
Because some people are selfish and greedy and they want everything. They usually do like being in a relationship yet they don't like not having as much sex; or they might start to like someone but because they're so used to the relationship, they're very afraid to break up. No reason actually justifies cheating, however I do think that there are different "kinds" of cheating. Like for example, people DO make mistakes, so when somebody goes and cheats with a random person, that doesn't mean it's gonna happen again or they stopped loving their partner. The other kind would be developing another relationship when you're already in one; I think that is unforgivable.
Original post by Vixen47
Justifiable reasons (imo):
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
So you think cheating is unacceptable yet its ok as long as they have an excuse for it (instead of breaking up or talking to their partner about it)?
Also most of the reasons you listed as justifiable can be grouped with the two reasons you believe to be unjustifiable.
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Original post by gemmam
So you think cheating is unacceptable yet its ok as long as they have an excuse for it (instead of breaking up or talking to their partner about it)?
Also most of the reasons you listed as justifiable can be grouped with the two reasons you believe to be unjustifiable.
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Also most of the reasons you listed as justifiable can be grouped with the two reasons you believe to be unjustifiable.
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Original post by ChickenMadness
OR You could just talk to the partner instead and go from there lol.
there is no justifiable reason.
there is no justifiable reason.
I was expecting this reaction. There's a difference between a reason and an excuse. Come back to me in a few decades once you've all experienced the real world and had a relationship that lasts longer than just a few months/years. Relationships aren't as clear cut or straight forward as they seem to be when you're young.
Original post by Vixen47
I was expecting this reaction. There's a difference between a reason and an excuse. Come back to me in a few decades once you've all experienced the real world and had a relationship that lasts longer than just a few months/years. Relationships aren't as clear cut or straight forward as they seem to be when you're young.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm in a long term relationship.
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Original post by gemmam
Give it another few decades. That's still pretty young.
Original post by Vixen47
Give it another few decades. That's still pretty young.
In a few decades I'll be over 60. I doubt I'll suddenly decide to cheat on my partner because of a lame excuse like escapism from work/find it acceptable to do so then.
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(edited 9 years ago)
Because they're selfish, think they won't get caught, want something different in a while...
Oh gee human natural instincts
Oh gee human natural instincts
Original post by Anonymous
It's sort of bothered me how people who cheat don't seem to realise they're cheating when they're in the moment. They're sorry for being caught, not necessarily sorry for doing it. Why would a someone in a relationship cheat? Are they not content? Why not just part ways and if you like another person more, go with them instead? Do you think a married person cheating is worse than a boyfriend or girlfriend cheating?
I mean it's not really cheating, not really. When I was dating this girl, I was still having sex with other women. Each time we had an argument or fell out, I'd take a day just to sort my head out and I found I needed to have sex with other women to fully satisfy myself. It made me feel better about myself as I was getting what I wanted and I wasnt restricted in terms of who I could have sex with. She didn't find out and it wasn't a real issue, it's not important at all. I wasn't really content in the relationship, the only reason I was with her was because she gave out sex really easily and I didn't have to work for it. Obviously I didn't want to part ways with her because I was getting sex from her so I kept her steady for as long as I could. I don't really see it as cheating because you don't owe the other person a thing, you're free to do as you please but tread with caution.
However if we're talking about marriage, it's a whole different ball game. You simply cannot go around cheating. It's completely wrong, I'd certainly never do it... But then again I don't envisage myself becoming tied down to one woman. I have needs, I can't get what I want from just one woman.
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Original post by Vixen47
Justifiable reasons (imo):
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
- Not being fulfilled sexually
- Not being fulfilled emotionally
- Some kind of need is not being fulfilled
- Want to leave their partners but can't bring themselves to do it for whatever reason
- Grow apart from their partners
- Mental illness
- Escapism from work/personal life
- Their partners are too demanding for their liking
- They feel suffocated in the relationship
Unjustifiable reasons:
- They're just idiots who can't keep it in their pants
- They/their partner are incompatible to each other
Sometimes a person can't just leave their partners because of life circumstances. E.g. They have children; the other partner might be mentally ill; they might still love their partner/be emotionally attached but their sexual needs [or some other need that isn't emotion] aren't being fulfilled; they depend on each other. Could be a million things.
I think cheating is unacceptable no matter what your relationship status is. If it's just a short term relationship then that might be okay, but in long-term relationships it is totally unacceptable unless the reason for cheating is justifiable.
Would you consider staring at another person cheating? I'm talking about full on staring every time you see this person? It's normal to look at others whilst in a relationship right?
Original post by ChickenMadness
OR You could just talk to the partner instead and go from there lol.
there is no justifiable reason.
there is no justifiable reason.
Yep to the talking bit. Monogamy or not is something that should be up for negotiation rather than assumed.
Original post by Anonymous
Would you consider staring at another person cheating? I'm talking about full on staring every time you see this person? It's normal to look at others whilst in a relationship right?
I might be the wrong person to ask this because I've had certain experiences which make me unusually understanding about things compared to the average person. For me personally, I'd say this is the most insignificant thing which people make a big deal about. I definitely don't consider staring at another person cheating because you can't control the way your mind works. When I see someone I'm attracted to I can't help it if my mind is like "I'd do him... oh yeah, I'm in a relationship" or "if I wasn't in a relationship I'd do him".
I would say full on staring, like the kind that might make someone think you're available is wrong. I don't agree with that. Especially if you're doing it while your SO is right next to you. I once had a guy who was with his children and his wife and after they passed me he looked back and had a LONG, hard, pervy look at me. That disgusted me. If you're with your wife AND children why would you do that? Normal staring where you look, you like, you look away and get on with life is fine.
The way your worded your post makes me think you're hoping I'd validate this opinion? I might be wrong in thinkng this. I think staring at other people is fine as long as your SO is fine with it. If you're in a long term relationship with them and they're the overly possessive type then it's not okay. However, if they're okay with it then it's fine to an extent. My fiance and I are really flexible with each other compared to most. We're a little possessive over each other and we do have boundaries which we know we can't cross, but for the most part we're really open and flexible. I'm fine with him staring at girls (and guys even!) because he's a guy - it's what guys and some girls do. Sometimes he even sends me pictures of the kinds of girls/guys he likes and wants me to like because he's into threesomes/foursomes/moresomes. But that's just my relationship. The vast majority of relationships are nothing like mins so whether it's okay or not entirely depends on the individual and what they require from their relationship.
Original post by gemmam
In a few decades I'll be over 60. I doubt I'll suddenly decide to cheat on my partner because of a lame excuse like escapism from work/find it acceptable to do so then.
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Wtf she's patronising you for age and her profile says that she is 20
I also disagree with her "excuses". As far as I'm concerned there is no justifiable reason short of your partner being in a coma for years and you have no way to tell them you're moving on.
Honestly, I personally do not understand, so help me... what is wrong with cheating? I do not see it as wrong... maybe I am just weird. 
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(edited 9 years ago)
I think usually it's down to the combination two factors: people's overarching desire for sex, passion, validation, etc., and weakness of character (either self-control, not caring, or poor judgement).
People can't very much control the former factor, but they can and are responsible for the strength of their own character.
People can't very much control the former factor, but they can and are responsible for the strength of their own character.
Original post by Caspiian
Honestly, I personally do not understand, so help me... what is wrong with cheating? I do not see it as wrong... maybe I am just weird.
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It's an abuse of the trust of your partner, which can severely hurt them emotionally, and fails to respect them and the commitment you've made to each other.
Original post by Caspiian
Honestly, I personally do not understand, so help me... what is wrong with cheating? I do not see it as wrong... maybe I am just weird.
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Putting aside the emotional hurt it can cause.
You also put your partner at risk of sexually transmitted diseased without their knowledge or choice. That is completely and utterly wrong.
And you can say "but what if they use protection" til the cows come home, but condoms and are not 100% effective and some sexually transmitted diseases such as genital warts and herpes are not very well protected from condoms.
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