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Confused at what happened with our relationship

tom_giles1997

I went to an international school for 6 years, the majority of the school being Chinese, but it was not until my final year there in school in year 11 when I found a girlfriend. I met a Chinese girl who was 2 years older than me in upper sixth while I was doing my GCSE's, at first I was very timid and shy and everything was a new experience to me, but after a while things were very perfect. The only problem being we had met in April so did not have long together before she returned home to China for 3 months. This was a painful time for me but we managed to survive the 3 months apart before she returned back to the UK to go to University in Imperial College London, London is quite a way from me but I was prepared to take it long distance so started to take the train down as often as I could before my A level course got too serious. But she had changed once she returned to the UK, we had managed to avoid arguments during that 3 months away but she argued with me more frequently once she came back and for stupid reasons. I had accepted the culture difference and was happy to make sacrifices, once she had settled into university she started discovering her social life and wanted to go out and drink and meet new people instead of talking on the phone , which I accepted but in truth yet it hurt inside as she stopped talking to me as frequently, and especially as she used to come home from the clubs telling me how guys tried to touch her up which made me jealous and less trustful of her ( but I thought it was just the problems of long distance).

Soon after, the conversations became less frequent and she always found an excuse to not talk to me. I wanted to trust that she was faithful to me but my heart was doing somersaults. When Christmas time came over, I offered for her to come back here and stay the Christmas with my family but she denied and claimed she had too much studying to do, which was fine if she had not posted so many pictures of herself in clubs and restaurants on Instagram. It was Christmas eve and I had not really heard from her in a week and we had an argument and she started to call me childish, she refused to talk to me and ignored me on Christmas day, my birthday four days later and new years day.. that time really hurt for me and I just wanted her to come back.. she only came back once I pleaded to her and when she did she acted like nothing had happened.. my heart was now bleeding and I felt just wrong.. bearing in mind I saved up all summer to buy her a Pandora bracelet because I missed her birthday while she was away, but I never saw her wear it and I doubt she regarded it much. And I also sent her a Christmas present and never got one in return, and I never know if she even got it, if she did she didn't say thank you at all..

By this time she was a different person and I found it hard to keep up, I wanted to love her but she was changing too fast which hurt a lot.. the last few weeks we were together, the conversations died down to about once a week for about 20 mins. leading up to the break up where I spotted she had posted something on a university Facebook forum, asking for advice whether or not she should break up with her boyfriend or not because he was "immature and childish", to this I had had enough so I responded to that post saying that she "should have talked to it with him instead of publicly humiliating herself online and if that she felt this way, then so be it, I was done". To this she was very apologetic and kept saying sorry, which didn't mean anything to me anymore.. but soon after she turned completely once I got upset and tried to fix things, and she said that "she had nobody (when I offered to her myself and my family as hers was in China) and that "I talk of heartbreak hurting when it happens every day and I should deal with it".. to this I reminded her all the times she had hurt me in the past without realising it herself.. but she just blocked me and I texted her saying I would not come to London again to look for her.

So yea that is my story, all my friends said she was a bitch but I am still confused, we broke up around 2 months ago and I do not understand who was in the wrong, me for loving her too much and being worried of loosing her ? or her, changing too quickly and becoming selfish. From what I heard she is now lazy in university and is constantly skipping lectures and I do no longer know the kind person she once was.. any advice people?? I accept university time is a busy period and supported her fully especially when she was stressed

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

shawn_o1

She deserves all she gets. Which from you is nothing. Just stop thinking about her and you'll forget that she even existed. :smile:

Reply 2

The Good Doctor

Very similar story with my ex and I, although I actually found out she cheated while I was studying abroad. It took me so many months to get over her because I was always obsessing over what went wrong, always going on her facebook profile to see what she was doing and trying to win her back. Several months of this and I found out from someone close to her that she cheated on me regularly and to be honest, this is what your ex was probably doing. I decided to cut all contact and just live my life as if she never existed. It worked! I got over her quite quickly once I made that decision, that and appreciating that the whole breakup wasn't my fault. She has tried to contact me a few times over the past 2 years but I never replied. I recommend you do this too.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 3

tom_giles1997

Original post by The Good Doctor

Thanks man :biggrin:

you seem like a good guy, yea I will do this! and to be honest, when we broke up, I strangely felt free and happy, as if I had been released from a lot of pain and suddenly it was gone... felt good to be honest

Reply 4

tom_giles1997

Original post by shawn_o1

She deserves all she gets. Which from you is nothing. Just stop thinking about her and you'll forget that she even existed. :smile:

Thanks man! Will do :biggrin:

Reply 5

Hannahmc770

This is really similar to what happened between my ex boyfriend and I. He lived in Blackpool which was only 1 hour and a half away from me but I could only ever travel up on weekends. Anyway, we dated altogether for eight months, everything was going perfect for about 4 months until he started working as a porter at a hospital. He started becoming distant, started going out a lot more with his work friends and going clubbing almost any chance he got and when he came home and talked with me on Skype he would brag about how he got his shirt ripped off whilst clubbing.

Anyway, he broke up with via text whilst he was on holiday.

He ended up getting with his work friend a couple of months later.

But on the other hand it totally was not your fault, it was all her fault for changing and being selfish.