The Student Room Group

Could do with some crush advice...

I realise that this sort of thread gets made quite a lot but I could do with some advice about a crush that I'm really struggling with...

Bit of info about me. I'm a guy. I'm pretty successful with girls - I can pull on odd occasions on a night out and most crushes I have (I really don't get many), I usually end up doing at least stuff with (I've been in a few long-term relationships). So this sort of situation is entirely new to me.

So, there's a girl I work with (and this is by no means an exaggeration) who is absolutely perfect to me. She's one of the prettiest girls I've ever met and her personality is just unbelievable. She's a bit quirky, we share so many common interests and I truly crave time that I get with her. We get on so well and I always have such a laugh when I'm with her. If I was asked to describe my perfect girl, she would be pretty damn close to it.

Massive downside though... she already has a boyfriend who she's been going out with for coming up to two years. They also live together as they go to the same university (the one in our hometown).

I understand that she's completely off-limits but we often work the exact same shifts and we go on nights out in a group quite regularly, so it's not easy to just avoid her.

I don't really know why I've posted this thread, to be honest. Part of me just wants to vent and another part of me wants advice, most of which will will just be to "try and get over her". Honestly, I get it. Another part of me just reckons it's the amount of alcohol I've had tonight (hence me posting this at 5AM).

But, like I've already said, this scenario is a pretty new experience for me. And I'm finding it really, really difficult. Any words of wisdom or comfort would be massively appreciated.

Again, sorry about the 5 millionth thread of this subject. I don't really have another avenue to confide to and, to be honest, It's been pretty good just to get these thoughts down.
That sucks, hate the feeling of wanting someone you can't have but like you said everyone's just gonna say the same **** like forget about her and move on, but obviously it's not as simple as that.

I don't know what to say that could help you OP, but trying to forget about her really is your best, and probably only, option. Obviously you work with her and stuff, but knowing that you probably don't have a chance (sorry), shouldn't you just try to get along civilly with her but ignore any feelings you have?

Alternatively, you could always try to find someone else, someone who's preferably available, to fall for. Or even just you know... Help forget about her for a while. That's what I tend to do, but it doesn't work well in the long run unless you like the person and stuff. I don't know.

I wish I could really help you because you seem like the type of person that deserves much better than being hurt over someone you can't have, so if you can, remove as much of her from your life as possible, whether impossible or not, and just realise that she's happy and you should be happy for her too.

Sorry OP, I hope things get better for you in the long run.
Reply 2
ask her out for a coffee and see what she says. just say its a work related meetup and talk a bit more personal. in doing so, you're effectively getting her alone just you two chatting.

i wish you the best of luck. it sucks she is with someone else even though she sounds like the perfect girl for any man :smile:
I know exactly how you feel as I'm experiencing a very similar situation at the moment as well. Can't help but feel all warm and funny indisde whenever I see her and talk to her, she also has a boyfriend so is off limit as well. I can definitely relate with you :smile:
Reply 4
Original post by katienurd
That sucks, hate the feeling of wanting someone you can't have but like you said everyone's just gonna say the same **** like forget about her and move on, but obviously it's not as simple as that.

I don't know what to say that could help you OP, but trying to forget about her really is your best, and probably only, option. Obviously you work with her and stuff, but knowing that you probably don't have a chance (sorry), shouldn't you just try to get along civilly with her but ignore any feelings you have?


I don't really know what I want to hear, to be honest haha. I kinda want someone to come into this thread and lay down a 12-point plan on how to win her over. but I guess that's just wishful thinking and I'm not really that kind of guy either.

Original post by katienurd
Alternatively, you could always try to find someone else, someone who's preferably available, to fall for. Or even just you know... Help forget about her for a while. That's what I tend to do, but it doesn't work well in the long run unless you like the person and stuff. I don't know.


I think this is probably my best bet too. It will be seriously difficult to move on though.

Anyway, thanks for your helpful reply. I read my OP back again this morning and, I must say, I cringed like hell :tongue:

Kinda therapeutic to get it all down in writing though.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
I know exactly how you feel as I'm experiencing a very similar situation at the moment as well. Can't help but feel all warm and funny indisde whenever I see her and talk to her, she also has a boyfriend so is off limit as well. I can definitely relate with you :smile:


Yup, that sounds familiar haha. You got any plans to deal with it?
Original post by Anonymous
Yup, that sounds familiar haha. You got any plans to deal with it?


Well like yourself I've written it down and it sounds cheesy as hell as well! Just needed to get it all written down to lay my thoughts and feelings out in a clear manner.

Hasn't helped as I still feel pretty much the same and I know like the advice given to you I should try and move on and find someone I like who happens to be single but it's safe to say I'm completely smitten by this person.

I've no idea what to do, she seems to be fishing for compliments from me but I don't reciprocate due to her boyfriend (not that I know him and vice versa, but still), I know that it's only harmless flirting (well at least I would say it is) but I just find it confusing more than anything.

So yeah I have no idea haha :smile:
Reply 7
Anyone else?
Original post by Anonymous
I realise that this sort of thread gets made quite a lot but I could do with some advice about a crush that I'm really struggling with...

Bit of info about me. I'm a guy. I'm pretty successful with girls - I can pull on odd occasions on a night out and most crushes I have (I really don't get many), I usually end up doing at least stuff with (I've been in a few long-term relationships). So this sort of situation is entirely new to me.

So, there's a girl I work with (and this is by no means an exaggeration) who is absolutely perfect to me. She's one of the prettiest girls I've ever met and her personality is just unbelievable. She's a bit quirky, we share so many common interests and I truly crave time that I get with her. We get on so well and I always have such a laugh when I'm with her. If I was asked to describe my perfect girl, she would be pretty damn close to it.

Massive downside though... she already has a boyfriend who she's been going out with for coming up to two years. They also live together as they go to the same university (the one in our hometown).

I understand that she's completely off-limits but we often work the exact same shifts and we go on nights out in a group quite regularly, so it's not easy to just avoid her.

I don't really know why I've posted this thread, to be honest. Part of me just wants to vent and another part of me wants advice, most of which will will just be to "try and get over her". Honestly, I get it. Another part of me just reckons it's the amount of alcohol I've had tonight (hence me posting this at 5AM).

But, like I've already said, this scenario is a pretty new experience for me. And I'm finding it really, really difficult. Any words of wisdom or comfort would be massively appreciated.

Again, sorry about the 5 millionth thread of this subject. I don't really have another avenue to confide to and, to be honest, It's been pretty good just to get these thoughts down.


Bud, I am in a really similar situation. There's this guy I'm craaaaazy about, but he's been with his gf for almost a year. We message everyday and most of the time, if we're not talking about stuff we have in common (which is pretty much everything), he's pissin' n moanin' about his gf's politics (we're lefties she's rightie). However, he will go on rantin' and throwin' shade for 15 minutes solid before saying something like "but I love her though, so that's a problem".

Despite her political beliefs, the girl actually seems like a top lass. She is not afraid to be herself and I'm friends with her sister who is ab fab. However, the more he moans to me about her, the closer I am to saying "Why don't you just confess your love to me baby, and then we can elope?"

Obviously, this is never gonna happen, because as much as I die a little bit inside everytime I see a pic of them together I know they're happy. I think your best bet is to get real pally with her, and then if anything were to 'unfortunately' result in the split between her and her significant other, whose gonna be there? YOU. :wink:

I understand it's difficult not just to shake them and be like 'can you not see I bloody love you and you're prancin' around with that prick who's wrong for you', but I think doing that just alienates you from the picture.

I am wishing you the best of luck bud...here's hoping! :cool:
That's kind of the angle I'm going for, I would never dream of making a move on this person whilst she is still in a relationship but if that guy ever messes up :rolleyes: haha

I think I like my crush so much because of how easily we can talk, normally it takes me ages to actually trust someone (probably why I'm still single, I'm far from the most confident and outgoing guy) but ever since we met we just seemed to click, even if nothing happens relationship wise I think we could become really good friends, it's weird as I've not felt like this about someone in ages and it's confusing me slightly :cool:
Original post by Anonymous
Bud, I am in a really similar situation. There's this guy I'm craaaaazy about, but he's been with his gf for almost a year. We message everyday and most of the time, if we're not talking about stuff we have in common (which is pretty much everything), he's pissin' n moanin' about his gf's politics (we're lefties she's rightie). However, he will go on rantin' and throwin' shade for 15 minutes solid before saying something like "but I love her though, so that's a problem".

Despite her political beliefs, the girl actually seems like a top lass. She is not afraid to be herself and I'm friends with her sister who is ab fab. However, the more he moans to me about her, the closer I am to saying "Why don't you just confess your love to me baby, and then we can elope?"

Obviously, this is never gonna happen, because as much as I die a little bit inside everytime I see a pic of them together I know they're happy. I think your best bet is to get real pally with her, and then if anything were to 'unfortunately' result in the split between her and her significant other, whose gonna be there? YOU. :wink:

I understand it's difficult not just to shake them and be like 'can you not see I bloody love you and you're prancin' around with that prick who's wrong for you', but I think doing that just alienates you from the picture.

I am wishing you the best of luck bud...here's hoping! :cool:


It's interesting to see how much of an emphasis you place on political direction. It wouldn't/hasn't even crossed my mind in past relationships. But, hey, personal preference and everything.

I also don't really want to be too pally with her. I don't want to end up being the "best friend" who she confides all her relationship issues to. That would be even more difficult than the situation I'm already in :frown:

Spent my hour lunch break with her again today. Simultaneously brilliant and also a ****ing nightmare.
Can't do much when they're taken.

Wait it out, either you'll get over it or they'll break up.
Original post by Anonymous
It's interesting to see how much of an emphasis you place on political direction. It wouldn't/hasn't even crossed my mind in past relationships. But, hey, personal preference and everything.

I also don't really want to be too pally with her. I don't want to end up being the "best friend" who she confides all her relationship issues to. That would be even more difficult than the situation I'm already in :frown:

Spent my hour lunch break with her again today. Simultaneously brilliant and also a ****ing nightmare.


I find that your politics is a good indicator of the type of person that you are - I get along much better with people of my own leaning. People who don't give a rats ass I can tolerate, but half of me wonders why they're not interested in the future policies that impact them...

I suppose it depends on your preference, similarly. Although I (think I) love him, I know he loves his gf, and despite the fact he brings her up sometimes I'd much rather have that bond with him than to eradicate it by confessing his feelings.

If you cannot stand to see her anywhere near her guy, I suggest you avoid her. There doesn't seem to be another solution that you're comfortable with :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I find that your politics is a good indicator of the type of person that you are - I get along much better with people of my own leaning. People who don't give a rats ass I can tolerate, but half of me wonders why they're not interested in the future policies that impact them...

I suppose it depends on your preference, similarly. Although I (think I) love him, I know he loves his gf, and despite the fact he brings her up sometimes I'd much rather have that bond with him than to eradicate it by confessing his feelings.

If you cannot stand to see her anywhere near her guy, I suggest you avoid her. There doesn't seem to be another solution that you're comfortable with :frown:


Yeah, I see the logic in that. I do care about politics but I think everyone has their own interests/preferences - so much so, it's not really a factor in my relationships. For me, it's on a similar sort of scale to music tastes, for example - it would be nice to share but not a necessity.

Never met the guy, to be honest. He's probably an awsome fit for her. It's just that, the more I spend time with her, I can't help but like her even more.

Quick Reply

Latest