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Will my bf be happy with this or is it not enough for most men?

Ok so basically sex does nothing for me I'm a frigid ha and just enjoy the cuddling etc. I understand that sex is important to most men. It's not that I feel I owe him sex or anything since it's not as though he takes me out we both pay equal for everything plus I drive him around (he doesn't drive) so if anything I'm the one taking him out. It's just I don't think it's fair on him not getting what he wants from the relationship (he's well in his rights to walk away and nearly has done) so I am going to try for him. I enjoy spending nights with him watching dvd's cuddling etc (he says he likes this stuff too) so if I got the sex 'out the way' we could then both enjoy the night. The problem is he is very sexual and into oral sex and I'm very turned off by it (apparently it can cause throat cancer hpv and all that) I could give it with protection but he says that it would be pointless. I'm happy to do intercourse with protection (he doesn't like using it) but yea.. can a relationship survive on just intercourse. I want to compromise but will I be doing enough?

Btw ive ive not actually said outright that I don't like sex but he says that it's in the back of his mind that I'm not interested.
You sound incompatible tbh, but if you want to try to make it work tell him that you don't like sex and see how he reacts.
Have him take a couple std tests and if all good blow him bareback once in a while?
If you're just letting him **** you to "get it out the way" he's probably not going to enjoy it very much.
Reply 4
Original post by bullsizzle
Have him take a couple std tests and if all good blow him bareback once in a while?


He said he had one years ago and that he knows he is clean but afew weeks ago he mentioned having sex with a woman just last year. Ive suggested we both get tested i started by saying i will but he just says that he knows he is clean. Its not that i dont trust him but he is often wrong on matters (like he didnt know u shouldnt do oral with a coldsore) plus he's been with over 50 women in his life, probably more.

I just think its best using protection.
Reply 5
Original post by Dr Pesto
If you're just letting him **** you to "get it out the way" he's probably not going to enjoy it very much.


But then some men say women are selfish for not putting out.
Reply 6
Original post by purplehedgehog11
You sound incompatible tbh, but if you want to try to make it work tell him that you don't like sex and see how he reacts.


But then I dont know who i would be compatible with tbh as i dont know any men who dont want sex.
You don't owe this guy anything, and he doesn't sound like he is right for you. You don't enjoy sex, he has slept with fifty or more women. I think you're right, and sensible, to be worried about the health side of things - giving this guy a blow job not to keep him happy isn't worth the health risks in a few years time. And I am not saying this to be mean, but deep down I think you know that this isn't going to work - you both want different things in the bedroom. A relationship can't survive when the people in it are polar opposites.
I don't want to sound like I am pressuring you but have you had enough sex to know you don't like it? I.e. with a long term partner you trust and who can learn what you like

if you genuinely don't enjoy sex at all and are just 'getting it out of the way' I doubt he will feel that is a compromise because it will be crappy sex... I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to use condoms til you've both been tested, that's very sensible and I'd question why he doesn't just get tested if he want to get rid of the condoms? can you enjoy sex for the physical intimacy and giving your partner pleasure? if so could you consider going on the pill once he's tested?
Reply 9
Original post by doodle_333
I don't want to sound like I am pressuring you but have you had enough sex to know you don't like it? I.e. with a long term partner you trust and who can learn what you like

if you genuinely don't enjoy sex at all and are just 'getting it out of the way' I doubt he will feel that is a compromise because it will be crappy sex... I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to use condoms til you've both been tested, that's very sensible and I'd question why he doesn't just get tested if he want to get rid of the condoms? can you enjoy sex for the physical intimacy and giving your partner pleasure? if so could you consider going on the pill once he's tested?


Thanks, no I've not really bothered with sex before never had the urge to. I suppose I need a guy with a lower sex drive but I don't think they exist lol. Tried the pill once ages ago for cramping and it made me feel sick/ill, never took one since don't like the idea of it.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, no I've not really bothered with sex before never had the urge to. I suppose I need a guy with a lower sex drive but I don't think they exist lol. Tried the pill once ages ago for cramping and it made me feel sick/ill, never took one since don't like the idea of it.


fair enough

you might have a naturally low sex drive, but I would say I was never very bothered about sex before I got into a relationship... might be you don't know what you're missing out on? It's your call and you know how you feel
Reply 11
He will be very sexually frustrated.
Wait, he expects you to have sex without protection when it is impossible for you to be on the pill..? Because if he can't understand that you don't want to be pregnant that's a bit ridiculous. Also, if you've expressed your concerns and he still won't take an STD test then he can't want sex that much haha. Unless he really thinks that he does have something and won't tell you?

At the end of the day, if you don't have compatible sex drives and sex is important to him then it probably won't work out though. And he doesn't seem to have a very healthy attitude to sex either.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, no I've not really bothered with sex before never had the urge to. I suppose I need a guy with a lower sex drive but I don't think they exist lol. Tried the pill once ages ago for cramping and it made me feel sick/ill, never took one since don't like the idea of it.


There are definitely guys with low sex drives. There are asexual dating sites where you could find a partner who isn't interested in sex. There are asexual-identified people who are into sex and just don't experience sexual attraction but I think generally asexuals aren't into having sex, I could be wrong. I think it's important that you date someone who you don't feel like you need to compromise with about sex. It's not fair on you tbh if you're having lots of sex that you don't want to be having.
Original post by Anonymous
Ok so basically sex does nothing for me I'm a frigid ha and just enjoy the cuddling etc. I understand that sex is important to most men. It's not that I feel I owe him sex or anything since it's not as though he takes me out we both pay equal for everything plus I drive him around (he doesn't drive) so if anything I'm the one taking him out. It's just I don't think it's fair on him not getting what he wants from the relationship (he's well in his rights to walk away and nearly has done) so I am going to try for him. I enjoy spending nights with him watching dvd's cuddling etc (he says he likes this stuff too) so if I got the sex 'out the way' we could then both enjoy the night. The problem is he is very sexual and into oral sex and I'm very turned off by it (apparently it can cause throat cancer hpv and all that) I could give it with protection but he says that it would be pointless. I'm happy to do intercourse with protection (he doesn't like using it) but yea.. can a relationship survive on just intercourse. I want to compromise but will I be doing enough?

Btw ive ive not actually said outright that I don't like sex but he says that it's in the back of his mind that I'm not interested.


You sound Asexual. Have you researched this orientation before?
Don't pay much attention to the do-gooders on this site, you're the one who knows this man, so it is up to you to decide if he is good for you, don't listen to strangers on the internet. Relationships is pretty much all about compromising to keep both parties happy and sex is very natural and normal, he isn't unreasonable to expect it, just don't feel overly pressured.

My advice would try to keep an open mind and try to enjoy it. You should be able to find some things about sex fun. Get him tested to put your mind at ease.

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