Muslim woman who couldn't sleep with my husband - my fault?

Of course I'm mad, your statement is amazingly ignorant and unsympathetic

I agree with this, everything has two sides. I just don't know how to avoid this happening again in the future

No choice, it's just the way you've been brought up and you accept it as the norm. There are plenty of arranged marriages that are successful, I just couldn't make mine a success unfortunately

Men, generally have a big ego. Perhaps it was the way you said may have came across as pride/arrogance? And thus hurt his feelings? I'm just assuming, it may not be right.
And yes you are right, part of marriage and love in the relationship between husband and wife physically.

I am sorry about this, I pray that Allah SWT ease your affairs.
Try talking and see what is the underlying problem.
Posted from TSR Mobile

No choice, it's just the way you've been brought up and you accept it as the norm. There are plenty of arranged marriages that are successful, I just couldn't make mine a success unfortunately

No choice, it's just the way you've been brought up and you accept it as the norm. There are plenty of arranged marriages that are successful, I just couldn't make mine a success unfortunately

Your statement was somewhat slanted - somewhat biased as if it was completely the husbands fault.

She hardly knew the guy, unless she's a 5 year old girl it's her fault as well for rushing into it.

I think in a situation like this you need to not be timid and be more assertive and strong. Stand your ground and stick up for yourself, just the way he is. He obviously has no qualms in treating you like s**t and and if i was in a situation like that i would definitely give him a taste of his own medicine.

As for your own family blaming you thats obviously culture talking. It's uneducated ignorant talk and they don't know any better then blaming the failing of a marriage on the woman. You aren't to blame here. You haven't done anything wrong except trusting the man you agreed to be your husband to be an honest decent man.

Best of luck sister x

I do know that the rare times I tried to be assertive, he became more aggressive. So I realised in order to avoid a full blown argument, I would have to be the one apologising and keep the peace.

I agree that blaming the woman is a culture thing, both mine and his family made me apologise to him and ask for forgiveness. When I questioned why it had to only be me, they said everyone (including me) has to agree I'm bad so that the marriage could be saved

You can start by accepting that you weren't to blame for any of this. After that, just try to build your confidence and make sure not to marry anyone without getting to know them first.

Really shows how pathetic some cultures are if anything he should be apologising to you.

I mean he made you suffer why would you need to apologise

I'll be honest and say I don't think this will happen. If anything, this experience has taught me I'm not strong enough to sustain a marriage. The next man I marry will most likely be arranged too. The thing is that no matter how many times I saw him or text him before marriage, he showed a different side of him after marriage. He kept a lot hidden and by then it was too late to do anything but put up with it.

I have resigned myself to the belief that I will marry again and be in a similar position. The difference will be that I will have to sleep with him quickly if I am to avoid the shame and embarrassment of having my problems told to anyone they can get a hold of. I never wanted the men in his family to know about it but he ended up telling them, which made the whole thing more crippling.

I don't want this to turn into a religion bashing thread, I genuinely want opinions on whether I made the right choice in leaving my husband and if the blame is mainly on me for the breakdown of the marriage. People of all religions are welcome to reply.

It was an arranged marriage, I only saw him a couple times for a few minutes before getting married however we were texting each other. When we got married, I told him I didn't want anything to happen between us on the first night as I was really scared, we were strangers and I wanted to know him better and he said ok.

i was planning on sleeping with him in the honeymoon, which was three days later anyway. But I started my time of the month on the first night we were there so it didn't happen.

There were things about his personality that made me feel uncomfortable, as time went on he would say more things that pushed me further away from him. The first night of the marriage when I told him how nervous I was during the wedding, he said he was fine, he felt like he was a guest in it instead of getting married. On the first night of the honeymoon, he told me I wasn't normal and when I asked why, he said if he asked a hundred women one thing, they would give the same answer but I wouldnt. I didn't know how to take it so I said nothing.

As time went by, he didn't like me texting my friends so I stopped. If I wanted to go to the shops, I had to ask for his permission and his mums too (she didn't live with us) and I kept getting confused on who I should ask when.

He kept wanting me to change my behaviour and be more talkative and I did. He would always tell me how he was perfect and I had to change (this is mainly due to the non-sex) but change my personality of being introverted too (he was a very confident, extroverted man).

When we argued, he would shout at me but I wouldn't raise my voice because I wanted to be diplomatic, I am really scared of confrontations. He would slam doors on the way out and rev the car engine when speeding away.

I get really bad periods some months and once I was downstairs helping his mum with cooking. I couldn't stand up anymore and crawled up the stairs trying to get to bed. I couldn't reach the bed so I just lay in a foetal position on the floor. He was sleeping at the time and when he woke up he just ignored me and walked past downstairs (this was the first time he ever saw me this bad). Later, that day he told my family (who came for a dinner party) that he wanted them to sort me out because I wouldnt sleep with him. That night, in bed, he told me when he saw me on the floor, he didn't care. His mum told him his wife was on the floor in pain and he shrugged his shoulders.

I did say I was ready twice but both times he rejected me saying I'm not normal to have waited so long (couple months) and I needed to be fully ready.

Anyway, I left him after he kept threatening me with divorce. My family and his family, including him, were saying he wouldn't have reacted like that if I didn't say no to him the first night. So ultimately, I am to blame. I am willing to accept that.

I just want to know if this is how men usually are? It's kind of scared me off men and marriage. Is it my fault for letting things get out of hand? I admit I feel awful that I must have hurt him too by being like this, I tried everything I could to change but kept being told it's not good enough.

I commend you if you've made it this far into reading this, I'm sorry it's so long.