The Student Room Group

Should I be worried about my boyfriend and this girl?

This is a female colleague of the same age (early 20s) who he's known for about a year now and sees pretty much every day at work. They don't work in the same dept. but he wants to move to hers because the people are funner in his opinion. However, they take smoking breaks together and eat lunch in a group.

In terms of personality, she seems very outgoing, bubbly, jokey, and a party animal. They both like to drink and smoke (including cannabis) but I'm quite different myself.
For quite a few months now, they (including her) have been going out drinking on Friday nights after work. He usually came back by midnight, never really later, and always texted me(even though I never asked him or expected him to)

So last time when he arrived at 7am after giving me no news whatsoever (i'd been trying to call and such) you can imagine my panic. He told me that they had been at her place (but as a large group) for 5 hours because she lives quite close. I found out a week later that he'd been lying and that it'd been just the 2 of them for 5 hours (he'd told his friends this but not me). He tried to reassure me that there was nothing to worry about, it was just friendly etc. and I felt better.

He talks a lot about her, it sounds like they have a lot of banter and they're constantly teasing each other. He is always smiling and laughing when he talks about her and tells me a joke she said or something like that. They went out as a group on Friday. I had gone to bed at midnight, and was awoken at 2am by him coming in. He came into the room and told me that she was in the living room, because she 'couldn't get back' (I later found out that this was a lie too) and that she'd get a taxi back soon.

I was half asleep and in pjyamas so did not want to go out, but could hear them talking and laughing. An hour later they left, and he came back alone 2 hours later. Apparently they'd been on a walk and had gotten something to eat.

I tried to not seem jealous; asked questions about her etc. and I asked whether I would meet her (he said, maybe). And again he had lots of funny stuff to tell me about her.
I just don't see it necessary for him to be inviting her alone for a few hours, especially when i'm in bed. They have just spent 8 hours togrether at a bar. Physically, I've seen pics of her and she's his type. Recently we've had a lot of problems and really bad arguments, and he's not as affectionate. He told me it maybe wasn't working out.

I'm scared he is into this girl and vice versa. Do you think I am over reacting? Does it sound suspicious? Thanks

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Reply 1
Dump and Move, it's the Getting-Over-A-Cheat Groove

(it's too late. now. and he can't wait for you to be gone :tongue:)
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 3
Some other info: we've been together 3 years and live together. She doesn't have a boyfriend apparently.
But there is something that she did which I find quite rude. I was cleaning our living room yesterday morning, and I noticed that at least 5 or 6 of her lighters had her name written on them in tippex, and he told me that she had done it. I just find that a little disrespectful, as she knows he has a girlfriend.

He has a lot of female colleagues there who he gets on with (and they go out with him to the bars etc) but I once asked him, if you weren't working there, do you think you'd stay good friends irl, and he just said with her.
I think they have more similar personalities etc. and that's what scares me.
Reply 4
For those who've said dump, can you elaborate on why? Thanks
Reply 5
If you're conscious enough to right that you should be able to see that he's cheated


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 6
Dump him as this situation between them two is sure as hell going somewhere, it even seems like there is some sort of chemistry between them two compared to you an him:redface: For you to get hurt less, you need to dump him. Or perhaps have a long and complicated conversation about with him, that may end with you feeling guilty instead of him

Posted from TSR Mobile
I would have left him the day he first lied to you. I'm sorry but how can you trust him after he's lied about another girlII?


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 8
He's said in the past stuff like he doesn't understand why guys and girls cannot just be friends. I agree with him, but I think there are limits. It's that thing that hurts me, the fact they they seem to have more chemistry. He can't even spend hours in a bar with me, lol.

The thing is, I'm quite calm, reserved, laid back and I try not to be gossipy, mean etc. I think my personality annoys him really. He hasn't even told me a single nice thing she's ever said or done either. Usually she's said something about someone else, and apparently she was rude to a homeless person :s

I also saw that he'd searched her on facebook. He told me a few months back that she really has never seemed into him at all, and that's why i feel bad for saying this, but I know feelings can change....
Reply 9
RE the lying, the first time he told me that he lied because it was 7am, he'd just come in and I was worried as hell, and he didn't want to upset me....... do you guys think that's ok?
Original post by Anonymous
This is a female colleague of the same age (early 20s) who he's known for about a year now and sees pretty much every day at work. They don't work in the same dept. but he wants to move to hers because the people are funner in his opinion. However, they take smoking breaks together and eat lunch in a group.

In terms of personality, she seems very outgoing, bubbly, jokey, and a party animal. They both like to drink and smoke (including cannabis) but I'm quite different myself.
For quite a few months now, they (including her) have been going out drinking on Friday nights after work. He usually came back by midnight, never really later, and always texted me(even though I never asked him or expected him to)

So last time when he arrived at 7am after giving me no news whatsoever (i'd been trying to call and such) you can imagine my panic. He told me that they had been at her place (but as a large group) for 5 hours because she lives quite close. I found out a week later that he'd been lying and that it'd been just the 2 of them for 5 hours (he'd told his friends this but not me). He tried to reassure me that there was nothing to worry about, it was just friendly etc. and I felt better.

He talks a lot about her, it sounds like they have a lot of banter and they're constantly teasing each other. He is always smiling and laughing when he talks about her and tells me a joke she said or something like that. They went out as a group on Friday. I had gone to bed at midnight, and was awoken at 2am by him coming in. He came into the room and told me that she was in the living room, because she 'couldn't get back' (I later found out that this was a lie too) and that she'd get a taxi back soon.

I was half asleep and in pjyamas so did not want to go out, but could hear them talking and laughing. An hour later they left, and he came back alone 2 hours later. Apparently they'd been on a walk and had gotten something to eat.

I tried to not seem jealous; asked questions about her etc. and I asked whether I would meet her (he said, maybe). And again he had lots of funny stuff to tell me about her.
I just don't see it necessary for him to be inviting her alone for a few hours, especially when i'm in bed. They have just spent 8 hours togrether at a bar. Physically, I've seen pics of her and she's his type. Recently we've had a lot of problems and really bad arguments, and he's not as affectionate. He told me it maybe wasn't working out.

I'm scared he is into this girl and vice versa. Do you think I am over reacting? Does it sound suspicious? Thanks


GET OUT NOW ! The signs are all over the place .
Original post by Anonymous
RE the lying, the first time he told me that he lied because it was 7am, he'd just come in and I was worried as hell, and he didn't want to upset me....... do you guys think that's ok?


No. I don't think its alright.

If you're ok with him spending hours and hours together alone at a bar, then this is going to end badly for you.

They work together. They drink together. They come home and stay round yours together. He talks about her loads. Is it just me here who is thinking WTF?

On top of this, he hasn't been upfront with you about her, doesnt want you to meet her...its incredibly disrespectful and suspicious.

Sorry, but this does not look good AT ALL.
Re the bar, they weren't alone there, they always go with a group of colleagues, a mixture of guys and girls. They usually go there for about 8 hours.Then last time he went alone to her place for 5 hours, and on Friday him and her were alone at our place/elsewhere for a total of about 3 hours. I just dunno man. It sucks because I love him so much, and this has never happened in the 3 years :frown: it's hard
Myself I don't have many male friends because of just a lack of knowing people, I only have one atm, lol, but I used to have another.

With the first one, I'd known him for years, and we got back in contact. We met every few weeks or so which usually consisted of us having a drink or lunch in a cafe. I introduced my boyfriend to him right away and they got on well. He later said he was gay, and I admit my boyfriend actually seemed kind of pleased. Sadly we lost contact as he moved away.

With the second one, this is an ex colleague who I chat to on facebook from time to time. I haven't seem him for months, but I've suggested we hang out soon, and i've told my boyfriend. I've even asked my boyfriend if he could maybe come here (while my boyfriend is here) and that way they could meet.
Original post by Anonymous
This is a female colleague of the same age (early 20s) who he's known for about a year now and sees pretty much every day at work. They don't work in the same dept. but he wants to move to hers because the people are funner in his opinion. However, they take smoking breaks together and eat lunch in a group.

In terms of personality, she seems very outgoing, bubbly, jokey, and a party animal. They both like to drink and smoke (including cannabis) but I'm quite different myself.
For quite a few months now, they (including her) have been going out drinking on Friday nights after work. He usually came back by midnight, never really later, and always texted me(even though I never asked him or expected him to)

So last time when he arrived at 7am after giving me no news whatsoever (i'd been trying to call and such) you can imagine my panic. He told me that they had been at her place (but as a large group) for 5 hours because she lives quite close. I found out a week later that he'd been lying and that it'd been just the 2 of them for 5 hours (he'd told his friends this but not me). He tried to reassure me that there was nothing to worry about, it was just friendly etc. and I felt better.

He talks a lot about her, it sounds like they have a lot of banter and they're constantly teasing each other. He is always smiling and laughing when he talks about her and tells me a joke she said or something like that. They went out as a group on Friday. I had gone to bed at midnight, and was awoken at 2am by him coming in. He came into the room and told me that she was in the living room, because she 'couldn't get back' (I later found out that this was a lie too) and that she'd get a taxi back soon.

I was half asleep and in pjyamas so did not want to go out, but could hear them talking and laughing. An hour later they left, and he came back alone 2 hours later. Apparently they'd been on a walk and had gotten something to eat.

I tried to not seem jealous; asked questions about her etc. and I asked whether I would meet her (he said, maybe). And again he had lots of funny stuff to tell me about her.
I just don't see it necessary for him to be inviting her alone for a few hours, especially when i'm in bed. They have just spent 8 hours togrether at a bar. Physically, I've seen pics of her and she's his type. Recently we've had a lot of problems and really bad arguments, and he's not as affectionate. He told me it maybe wasn't working out.

I'm scared he is into this girl and vice versa. Do you think I am over reacting? Does it sound suspicious? Thanks


As a man, I can confirm that what he is saying is bull****. He likes her, she likes him. The fact that he lied is evidence enough. Break it off and move on.
OK so you know what to do
Either break it off or learn the hard way.




Posted from TSR Mobile
I came on this site expecting to be told by you guys that I was being too jealous, overreacting, there is nothing to worry about etc. then I would stop panicking and just forget about it.

but I've had all these replies telling me the same thing, and it's made me realise...

We always argue anyway because I am pretty clumsy/ditzy and he gets angry and calls me dumb, stupid etc. I told him it was hurting me and he told me to stop being dumb. Basically, we're not compatible anyway. It's such a shame because things between us used to be so much better. He keeps choosing the colleagues over me anyway, and the rest of the weekend he's hungover and doesn't want to do anything, so we just stay in lol.

I'mgoing to break up. It's so hard as we live together, and my family and friends are in another country. :s
Original post by Anonymous
I came on this site expecting to be told by you guys that I was being too jealous, overreacting, there is nothing to worry about etc. then I would stop panicking and just forget about it.

but I've had all these replies telling me the same thing, and it's made me realise...

We always argue anyway because I am pretty clumsy/ditzy and he gets angry and calls me dumb, stupid etc. I told him it was hurting me and he told me to stop being dumb. Basically, we're not compatible anyway. It's such a shame because things between us used to be so much better. He keeps choosing the colleagues over me anyway, and the rest of the weekend he's hungover and doesn't want to do anything, so we just stay in lol.

I'mgoing to break up. It's so hard as we live together, and my family and friends are in another country. :s


I wish you all the best, I really do. I hope that you don't regret your decision as well...

Posted from TSR Mobile
I'd love nothing more for than us to be able to sort things out and move forward as a couple, but with all these problems, I don't see how that could happen :frown: thank you for the wishes x

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