Help with English Combined A Level essay?

Hi everyone,

I do English Language and Literature AS and we read "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and "The Catcher in the Rye".
The essay is a comparative essay and we picked an extract from each book that displays themes of rejection.
I chose rejection of personal morals as my theme.
For Huck Finn, I picked the moment where Huck writes the letter to Miss Watson, telling her Jim's whereabouts and then rips the letter.
For Catcher in the Rye, I picked the moment where Holden calls the prostitute to invite her to the hotel room.

I've written my essay but it didn't do so well. I improved on my teacher's feedback yet my grade still remains low.

Could anyone please help me and give me some advice and tips on how to make it better? (I'll send it so you can read it and see what needs changing or if I'm missing anything).

Thanks!

Hey, I'm doing Eng. Lit. for A-level currently, predicted an A*- I can read through it if you like! I can send you mine and we can scratch each others' backs

hiya, i did english lang and lit last year (at uni now) but i could probably remember some tips i was given for the essays. i haven't read either of those books so i can't give specific advice but if you want to send it to me and i could give some general advice then i could do that for you