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Gf is very immature

How to deal with a gf who is 25 years old but acts like a 10 years old?

I won't go on describing her behaviour: just imagine that she acts like an immature and spoiled 10 years-old girl. The problem is that their parents have never realised that she is a grown woman and their behaviour to her makes the problem even bigger.

We have been together for more than a year, and she is my first real love.
But I want to be together with a woman, not with an immature child.


The problem is, she even told me: "I am young child, I want the one who marries me to behave me like I am his daughter because I am not mature", which made me really upset. She also asks help for everything. She wants me to look for a new job for her (because she doesn't like her current job). Why shall I search my time to search for a job for her? I am so busy at uni. I wish she was independent.

Anyone has any useful advice? How to deal with someone acting REALLY childish, when you love them?

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Reply 1
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
P.S. I don't want to break up with her because she is super sexy, smart and sex with her is so good.
Plus, I enjoy so much talking to her and travelling with her, even spending my whole time with her.

BUT when she says these things, she really gives my nerves. She says that she is weak and I should do everything for her. It pisses me off since I am looking for an independent partner.
Reply 2
Avatar for Lil08
Lil08
20
You must have a lot of patient to be putting up with something like that. However, you may need to be honest with her.

Unless, you have the patients to help her grow up? You will eventually get fed up.

Original post by Anonymous
P.S. I don't want to break up with her because she is super sexy, smart and sex with her is so good.
Plus, I enjoy so much talking to her and travelling with her, even spending my whole time with her.

BUT when she says these things, she really gives my nerves. She says that she is weak and I should do everything for her. It pisses me off since I am looking for an independent partner.


This is good for a temporary hook-up but I doubt it'd work in long term.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 3
Avatar for vela1
vela1
16
Break up with her. Even if you do love her, it wouldn't work out. It'll get to a point where you won't be able to take it anymore and you'll break up. Better off doing it now.
Original post by Anonymous
P.S. I don't want to break up with her because she is super sexy, smart and sex with her is so good.
Plus, I enjoy so much talking to her and travelling with her, even spending my whole time with her.

BUT when she says these things, she really gives my nerves. She says that she is weak and I should do everything for her. It pisses me off since I am looking for an independent partner.


By the looks of things she's submissive the type that wants a man to look after her and to arrange everything. If you're not looking for that then it would be best to find someone more independent. Have you sat down with her and spoken about it?
Reply 5
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Black Cat
By the looks of things she's submissive the type that wants a man to look after her and to arrange everything. If you're not looking for that then it would be best to find someone more independent. Have you sat down with her and spoken about it?


Yes I have spoken with her and she says "I don't want to change, I am a child, accept me as I am".

BUT in fact she is not submissive. She wants to command me (!!!) .

She said to me that her dream is to become the CEO but because she is not good at "demanding things from people", she will have other people to do these things for her, and she will be "the woman behind the curtain" who has the real power.

Sounds crazy, but it is her real dream and she said to me that her ex had laughed at her dream and now he is "her ex".
Reply 6
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by vela1
Break up with her. Even if you do love her, it wouldn't work out. It'll get to a point where you won't be able to take it anymore and you'll break up. Better off doing it now.


I love her so much.
I will always miss her if I break up with her.
Plus, sex will never be the same with any other girl and I will always feel that something is missing.
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Lil08
You must have a lot of patient to be putting up with something like that. However, you may need to be honest with her.

Unless, you have the patients to help her grow up? You will eventually get fed up.



This is good for a temporary hook-up but I doubt it'd work in long term.


I get your point.
But I can't even imagine that I will abandon her and another man will have sex with her. I want her to be mine forever. I wasn't jealous in the past, but after being in a relationship with her, I have become a jealous type of a person.
I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. It sounds like her personality isn't a great fit for you. You can't change her personality. Accept it or break it off.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes I have spoken with her and she says "I don't want to change, I am a child, accept me as I am".

BUT in fact she is not submissive. She wants to command me (!!!) .

She said to me that her dream is to become the CEO but because she is not good at "demanding things from people", she will have other people to do these things for her, and she will be "the woman behind the curtain" who has the real power.

Sounds crazy, but it is her real dream and she said to me that her ex had laughed at her dream and now he is "her ex".


Get a spine and break up with her.
Reply 10
Avatar for Lil08
Lil08
20
Original post by Anonymous
I get your point.
But I can't even imagine that I will abandon her and another man will have sex with her. I want her to be mine forever. I wasn't jealous in the past, but after being in a relationship with her, I have become a jealous type of a person.


Then you should be willing to look past her immaturity.
Original post by NathanW18
I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. It sounds like her personality isn't a great fit for you. You can't change her personality. Accept it or break it off.


Thank you for your message.
The advice I am looking for is: How to deal with someone who is acting like a child?
There plenty of ways to deal with an immature child of yours, but how to deal with someone who is not your child, but she is your partner? How can she give birth to children (and be a good mother) when she behaves like a child herself?
Original post by Lil08
Then you should be willing to look past her immaturity.


Indeed. But I hope I can find a way to deal with her immaturity.
Original post by Anonymous
I love her so much.
I will always miss her if I break up with her.
Plus, sex will never be the same with any other girl and I will always feel that something is missing.


You say that now because your with her, and it's true to a certain extent, that you'll miss her (especially as she is your first real love), but if you find someone who isn't 'immature' and they make you happier you won't regret it. And you'll get over her if you put your mind to it - I thought that was inconceivable when I was in a relationship but it happens. Don't put up with anything you don't want to in a relationship.
Reply 14
Avatar for Lil08
Lil08
20
Original post by Anonymous
Indeed. But I hope I can find a way to deal with her immaturity.


I guess you can subtly tell her, in a loving way, that this is not the correct way to behave.

It's for her own benefit and If she isn't willing to listen, then she must be really immature.
the same way you deal with a child, take her toys away
Give her the silent treatment, try reverse psychology, send her to the naughty step, confiscate her toys....
Or, grow a pair and break it off.
If you're looking for an independent partner like you say, then ditch her. Not going to work out if it continues the way it's been going.
Thanks for your suggestions.
I should also mention part of the reason why she acts like this, is probably her relationship with her father.
He is seems to be an aggressive man who always makes arguments and probably she didn't receive enough love from her when she was a child, but I am not willing to take the "father part".
I mean, I hope I have children later in my life (and I will happily be a father), but I hope that my partner is mature like me.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your suggestions.
I should also mention part of the reason why she acts like this, is probably her relationship with her father.
He is seems to be an aggressive man who always makes arguments and probably she didn't receive enough love from her when she was a child, but I am not willing to take the "father part".
I mean, I hope I have children later in my life (and I will happily be a father), but I hope that my partner is mature like me.


This isn't a one way issue. You are both immature.

You want to control her. She wants to act like a "child" and have everything provided for her.

Guess what? If you want to control someone and make them "submissive" then they are going to act like a needy child.

Both are terrible attitudes to have in any relationship.
(edited 9 years ago)

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