The Student Room Group

Boyfriend's musical talent makes me feel invisible. Help, don't know what to do

My boyfriend is a hugely talented musician. He excells in music and, not to mention, pretty much everything else he does. His confidence levels are through the roof- he's assertive, strong, independant, corageous and everyone looks up to him. He's a winner and he knows it. When he walks into a room he just has everyone's attention.

I really feel small compared to him. Like I know I have my own strengths, I know i'm intelligent and hard-working and I do interesting things. But when we're in public or with friends together he just makes me feel inferior. Not on purpose, I might add. He'd never try to make me feel this way. I'm not sure he knows how I feel, either. Not told him.

Maybe i'm just hugely insecure - or maybe we aren't right for each other. I'm pretty shy and mild-mannered. I absolutely HATE being centre of attention. He, on the other hand, loves it. He's in his element when he's in front of an audience. He's loud, confident and everyone seems to gravitate towards him. We have a fantastic friendship and sexual chemistry. When we're alone together we're a great team, so connected. We could talk all day and never get bored. But I can't shift this feeling of "he's better than me" simply because of his talents and his outgoing personality.

Are we mis-matched? Or is this situation not actually so bad? I love him but don't want to feel like a nobody any more
Reply 1
It just means he's a good catch. But he's with you, so you are too. The best way to hold on to your partner is to have faith in yourself and to be totally non possessive.
it's good to have someone like that on your side. in fact, it's good for both of you - it helps him to be kept down to earth a bit too which everyone needs when in that kind of phase/lifestyle.
I'm sure he thinks a lot of you too.
Reply 4
Original post by AB25
My boyfriend is a hugely talented musician. He excells in music and, not to mention, pretty much everything else he does. His confidence levels are through the roof- he's assertive, strong, independant, corageous and everyone looks up to him. He's a winner and he knows it. When he walks into a room he just has everyone's attention.

I really feel small compared to him. Like I know I have my own strengths, I know i'm intelligent and hard-working and I do interesting things. But when we're in public or with friends together he just makes me feel inferior. Not on purpose, I might add. He'd never try to make me feel this way. I'm not sure he knows how I feel, either. Not told him.

Maybe i'm just hugely insecure - or maybe we aren't right for each other. I'm pretty shy and mild-mannered. I absolutely HATE being centre of attention. He, on the other hand, loves it. He's in his element when he's in front of an audience. He's loud, confident and everyone seems to gravitate towards him. We have a fantastic friendship and sexual chemistry. When we're alone together we're a great team, so connected. We could talk all day and never get bored. But I can't shift this feeling of "he's better than me" simply because of his talents and his outgoing personality.

Are we mis-matched? Or is this situation not actually so bad? I love him but don't want to feel like a nobody any more


What are you star-signs?
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 5
If you want to be popular you have to be willing to be the centre of attention, in the same way he does. It sounds like you want the same kind of accolades but without earning it. Just be supportive of him and take pride in doing so.
Reply 6
I think it's really sweet how highly you think of him. It sounds like you have a great relationship too.

I had an ex like this; he's one of those people who could walk into any room and everyone would love him. Really charismatic guy. I'm more of a slow burner, takes me a bit longer to form good connections. I think the trick is to enjoy the differences and always remember he chose you and loves you for how you are. :smile:
I think that you sound perfect for each other. I have been in relationships like this in the past (and I am a guy). It's not easy having to share the person you love with everybody else, but where would you rather be. Seriously, could you imagine being with somebody else, somebody less successful, less likeable, less talented?
One thing though, and I dare say you don't want to hear this, but if he is so loving then I dare say that he has no idea how his social standing affects you. He would probably be quite upset to find out how you feel and would move mountains to make you happy.
So you have a choice. Either tell him how you feel at times and could you have more private time together (and risk making him feel guilty), or just accept that the guy really loves you and try to join in a bit more. I'm sure that he would prefer you to be at his side whilst he is holding court rather than sitting in the background waiting for him to finish.

Quick Reply

Latest