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I need to break up with bf but don't want to be the one to do it.

I don't want to be the one to break up with my bf, I would rather him break up with me . I've known him a long time (but only been together 6 months) and although I love him he is older and I can't see it working out in the long term. I want to end on good terms as I will see him around regular/now and again. The problem is is mum is ill in a care home and is dying, she gets worse every time he sees her, his dad also died just 2 years ago and he feels very alone/down and stressed. I don't want to add to this stress or upset him for this reason I keep putting off breaking up with him. I care about him a lot and want more than anything for us to be friends and I will be therefore him. Obviously this can't happen straight after a relationship has ended but after a few months I'd like to support him as a friend. yea I don't know what to do : / I don't want to end on bad terms.

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Oh my god only total bitch would leave him now


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Reply 2
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kka25
18
Original post by Isis_on_the_cake
Oh my god only total bitch would leave him now




Harsh, but somehow I'd have to agree :frown:
Reply 3
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Isis_on_the_cake
Oh my god only total bitch would leave him now


Posted from TSR Mobile


He's not a bitch he's going through a lot in life.
Reply 4
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by kka25
Harsh, but somehow I'd have to agree :frown:


Agree with what, that I shouldn't break up?
Give him like subtle hints so he does the job first


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Its a hard situation but ultimately it is your life and you have to do what makes you happy. You cant live for him you have to live for yourself.

My advice from having gone through a recent break up myself. Is to write him a letter explaining how you feel etc so that he can understand. When you break up with him youll be feeling so many emotions and a letter would avoid any confusion. I did this when I broke up with my boyfriend and he really appreciated it and took it well. Another thing is to do it in a place where he feels comfortable ideally his house that way you dont have to kick him out and it would be awkward for him otherwise. Be honest and clear and avoid arguing with him, hes gonna be upset just be mindful of that.

You cant wait on him to do it, he might never do it at all
Original post by Anonymous
I don't want to be the one to break up with my bf, I would rather him break up with me . I've known him a long time (but only been together 6 months) and although I love him he is older and I can't see it working out in the long term. I want to end on good terms as I will see him around regular/now and again. The problem is is mum is ill in a care home and is dying, she gets worse every time he sees her, his dad also died just 2 years ago and he feels very alone/down and stressed. I don't want to add to this stress or upset him for this reason I keep putting off breaking up with him. I care about him a lot and want more than anything for us to be friends and I will be therefore him. Obviously this can't happen straight after a relationship has ended but after a few months I'd like to support him as a friend. yea I don't know what to do : / I don't want to end on bad terms.

Why are you breaking up with him just because he is older than you? More importantly why are you breaking up with him of you love him?
Sorry but people like you don't know how lucky they are to have been in a decent loving relationship. The least you can do is help him through this difficult time, and not throw a spanner in the works. The whole point of love is to be there for people when they need you most, not back out when things get tough just because he is 'older than you' - lame excuse in my book
Reply 8
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by SpeedyGonzalez
Give him like subtle hints so he does the job first


Posted from TSR Mobile


I guess I could, he has thought of breaking up with me a few times (around the issue of I wasn't sexy/didn't show much passion/avoided sex) but he has always changed his mind as we have the feelings. It's just there's a big age gap and it won't work in the long term (he has been worried about this issue in the past), there have been times where we both can't make our minds up but find it very hard to break up. It's hard as I just want him to be ok and want to be there for him.
Original post by Anonymous
He's not a bitch he's going through a lot in life.


I think he was calling you a bitch, and I'm finding it hard not to agree. These could be the hardest days of his life, are you really going to leave him to face them alone?
Original post by banoffeee
Why are you breaking up with him just because he is older than you? More importantly why are you breaking up with him of you love him?
Sorry but people like you don't know how lucky they are to have been in a decent loving relationship. The least you can do is help him through this difficult time, and not throw a spanner in the works. The whole point of love is to be there for people when they need you most, not back out when things get tough just because he is 'older than you' - lame excuse in my book


I want to help him through it and will be there for him as I said but we have issues with the sexual side i.e he likes sex and I don't. He has almost broke up with me several times over it, then there's the age gap. I don't want to cause him more stress i.e because I didn't want sex the other week he said he didn't feel like making the effort to see his mum. I care about him and it's hard to break up but in the long term it can't really work (he's 50). I don't know what to do for the best and I can't do right for doing wrong. Like if I stay with him I'd be denying him sex/causing him stress and he can do better and if I leave him well as some said I'm a total bitch. I don't know. I never even bothered with relationships before this it's like my first proper one and I feel trapped.
Original post by Anonymous
I want to help him through it and will be there for him as I said but we have issues with the sexual side i.e he likes sex and I don't. He has almost broke up with me several times over it, then there's the age gap. I don't want to cause him more stress i.e because I didn't want sex the other week he said he didn't feel like making the effort to see his mum. I care about him and it's hard to break up but in the long term it can't really work (he's 50). I don't know what to do for the best and I can't do right for doing wrong. Like if I stay with him I'd be denying him sex/causing him stress and he can do better and if I leave him well as some said I'm a total bitch. I don't know. I never even bothered with relationships before this it's like my first proper one and I feel trapped.

Well how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Also is it a question of you don't like sex or you just don't like sex with him? If you're not sexually attracted to him then that's more of an issue than just the fact he's older than you, in my mind
Original post by Dr Pesto
I think he was calling you a bitch, and I'm finding it hard not to agree. These could be the hardest days of his life, are you really going to leave him to face them alone?


Id rather be called a bastard..didn't choose to be female. But yea i feel trapped, I think I said that I wanted to be there for him as a good friend if he wanted it.
Original post by banoffeee
Well how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Also is it a question of you don't like sex or you just don't like sex with him? If you're not sexually attracted to him then that's more of an issue than just the fact he's older than you, in my mind


Late twenties, never bothered with relationships before though I've always been single. It's both really..sex in general I just don't have the urge for and it's getting him down/frustrated plus I can't see it working in the long term due to age (he brought this issue up 2 months ago). I have feelings for him though and care about him, I thought I was a bit insane when I agreed to go out with someone so much older but I have secretly liked him for ages before he asked me out, he just thinks I'm clueless with sex/relationships (which I am lol) but I just never feel like it.
Reply 14
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Original post by Dr Pesto
I think he was calling you a bitch, and I'm finding it hard not to agree. These could be the hardest days of his life, are you really going to leave him to face them alone?
To be honest I think if the 'being with him' is not genuine then its hollow support. And tough though this situation is, you can't be held to someone after the relationship has burnt out by something like this. And I don't agree with waiting until he picks up bad vibes and does the deed. It's a difficult one.
Original post by Dr Pesto
I think he was calling you a bitch, and I'm finding it hard not to agree. These could be the hardest days of his life, are you really going to leave him to face them alone?


Also when I was with him the other week (and didnt want sex) he wouldn't go and visit his mother, I offered to drop him off but he said he didn't feel like making the effort cause if me and that 'things like this in relationships can ruin people's lives'. So since me being the way I am (not wanting sex) is stressing him out..and leaving him would make me a bitch then the only way for me not be a bitch is to stay in the relationship and have sex with him. I don't know in my situation what would you do?
OP, don't listen to the others. If you don't see it working out then you should break up soon, especially if he's nearly broken up with you because you're not having sex with him. Plus he's 50, he should be able to handle himself by now.
From experience– I know that staying in a relationship that isn't working is one of the most stressful things you can do.

Break up in person, though. People respect when you're up front and honest. It's admirable.
Original post by Anonymous
Also when I was with him the other week (and didnt want sex) he wouldn't go and visit his mother, I offered to drop him off but he said he didn't feel like making the effort cause if me and that 'things like this in relationships can ruin people's lives'. So since me being the way I am (not wanting sex) is stressing him out..and leaving him would make me a bitch then the only way for me not be a bitch is to stay in the relationship and have sex with him. I don't know in my situation what would you do?


I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I'm sorry if I was a dick with my previous comment, it's a difficult situation and I can't see a way to resolve it without both you and your partner being hurt. Have you introduced the idea of the two of you parting at all yet?
Original post by Anonymous
I don't want to be the one to break up with my bf, I would rather him break up with me . I've known him a long time (but only been together 6 months) and although I love him he is older and I can't see it working out in the long term. I want to end on good terms as I will see him around regular/now and again. The problem is is mum is ill in a care home and is dying, she gets worse every time he sees her, his dad also died just 2 years ago and he feels very alone/down and stressed. I don't want to add to this stress or upset him for this reason I keep putting off breaking up with him. I care about him a lot and want more than anything for us to be friends and I will be therefore him. Obviously this can't happen straight after a relationship has ended but after a few months I'd like to support him as a friend. yea I don't know what to do : / I don't want to end on bad terms.
So, you're saying that he's having personal problems, and haven't cited any actual reason for 'needing' to break up with him other than 'he is older.'

That being the case, you do need to break up with him; he deserves way better.

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