Is it possible I lost my virginity?
At the weekend I went out and got very very drunk. The whole night is a blur and I've blanked out a lot of it.
i met this guy in a club somehow and we kissed there. I remember him saying he wanted to have sex with me but he wouldn't because he was a good guy and he told me I should seriously go home. I think sometime he said he was going home and that I should go home too. I then blanked out again and I ended up at some guy's house but I don't even know if it was the same guy. I think it was but I really don't know.
I remember kissing him and stuff on his sofa but I feel at some point I froze but he was still kissing me and then I think I might have passed out at some point or just fallen asleep but I honestly wouldn't know and I woke up sometime later confused and not sure where I was and just left.
im hoping that it was the same guy because he said he wouldn't have sex with me, I think I said at some point I was a Virgin aswell. But if I had had sex surely I would've remembered and also I'm thinking I would know because I wasn't in pain or anything so I thjnk I might be worried for nothing. Do you think I would know if we had had sex?
i met this guy in a club somehow and we kissed there. I remember him saying he wanted to have sex with me but he wouldn't because he was a good guy and he told me I should seriously go home. I think sometime he said he was going home and that I should go home too. I then blanked out again and I ended up at some guy's house but I don't even know if it was the same guy. I think it was but I really don't know.
I remember kissing him and stuff on his sofa but I feel at some point I froze but he was still kissing me and then I think I might have passed out at some point or just fallen asleep but I honestly wouldn't know and I woke up sometime later confused and not sure where I was and just left.
im hoping that it was the same guy because he said he wouldn't have sex with me, I think I said at some point I was a Virgin aswell. But if I had had sex surely I would've remembered and also I'm thinking I would know because I wasn't in pain or anything so I thjnk I might be worried for nothing. Do you think I would know if we had had sex?
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hey!!! sounds like you had a MAD night!! next time you go out, if you're going to be drinking that much, it's important you're with a friend because you're making yourself very vulnerable!!!! i don't think you would know if you had sex because there have been times in the past when i've blanked out when drunk and literally remembered NOTHING.... if something did happen, you definitely didn't "have sex", it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent (sorry, that's a really scary thought)!!! have you considered contacting him again and asking him what happened? be careful and stick with your friends when out!!!!! lots of love and best wishes !! also also also virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women, so you may have been raped but that doesn't mean you've lost anything (like you've 'lost' your virginity) and you're still exactly the same x
Original post by trudge123
hey!!! sounds like you had a MAD night!! next time you go out, if you're going to be drinking that much, it's important you're with a friend because you're making yourself very vulnerable!!!! i don't think you would know if you had sex because there have been times in the past when i've blanked out when drunk and literally remembered NOTHING.... if something did happen, you definitely didn't "have sex", it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent (sorry, that's a really scary thought)!!! have you considered contacting him again and asking him what happened? be careful and stick with your friends when out!!!!! lots of love and best wishes !! also also also virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women, so you may have been raped but that doesn't mean you've lost anything (like you've 'lost' your virginity) and you're still exactly the same x
I was with a friend but then she went home and I made the great decision to stay out because I'm an idiot. I can't contact him again because I don't have his number and I don't even remember his name or if it was even the same guy
Original post by trudge123
hey!!! sounds like you had a MAD night!! next time you go out, if you're going to be drinking that much, it's important you're with a friend because you're making yourself very vulnerable!!!! i don't think you would know if you had sex because there have been times in the past when i've blanked out when drunk and literally remembered NOTHING.... if something did happen, you definitely didn't "have sex", it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent (sorry, that's a really scary thought)!!! have you considered contacting him again and asking him what happened? be careful and stick with your friends when out!!!!! lots of love and best wishes !! also also also virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women, so you may have been raped but that doesn't mean you've lost anything (like you've 'lost' your virginity) and you're still exactly the same x
"it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent"
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
(edited 9 years ago)
im sure you'd know if you had had sex, it was you're first time and most likely would have hurt, and you probably would have felt sore in the morning...
Original post by SenoritaSykes
im sure you'd know if you had had sex, it was you're first time and most likely would have hurt, and you probably would have felt sore in the morning...
Yeah this is what I was thinking, I'm probably overreacting and worrying for no reason
Contraception?
Have you considered getting checked by the doctors. The doctor can tell you whether you're still a virgin or not by carrying out tests. I've heard of people doing that. It would at least put your mind at ease.
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OP. Go to the doctors to get checked out because it's always better to be safe than sorry. Reach out for support if you need it.
If somebody is too drunk to remember if they gave consent then they cannot consent.
And yes it is. Virginity isn't a physical state.
Original post by EatAndRevise
"it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent"
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
If somebody is too drunk to remember if they gave consent then they cannot consent.
And yes it is. Virginity isn't a physical state.
Original post by EatAndRevise
"it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent"
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
But even if she did consent she wasn't mentally fit to consent due to being drunk.
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Original post by ParadoxSocks
OP. Go to the doctors to get checked out because it's always better to be safe than sorry. Reach out for support if you need it.
If somebody is too drunk to remember if they gave consent then they cannot consent.
And yes it is. Virginity isn't a physical state.
If somebody is too drunk to remember if they gave consent then they cannot consent.
And yes it is. Virginity isn't a physical state.
Yes, and what if the man was also too drunk to remember if he gave consent?
Virginity is not a concept that has been made up to control women.
Original post by EatAndRevise
"it would have been rape because you weren't in a state to give consent"
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
It would not necessarily have been rape. If she can't remember what she did, then she can't say whether she did consent or if she did not. She might have consented later on in the evening.
" virginity is a social construct and only a concept made up to control women"
No it isn't.
I don't think I would have consented but I'm scared I wouldn't have said no and just done nothing
I sent a message to my friend though saying 'they have violated me too much, I'm not sure how to leave'
Original post by EatAndRevise
Yes, and what if the man was also too drunk to remember if he gave consent?
Virginity is not a concept that has been made up to control women.
Virginity is not a concept that has been made up to control women.
Exactly the same. If he's too drunk to consent then he cannot give consent.
Women are judged much more harshly on whether they are a virgin or not. We have to be "pure" for wedded purposes.
Original post by r-t
But even if she did consent she wasn't mentally fit to consent due to being drunk.
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You are really going above and beyond to not putting any personal responsibility on the OP...
Original post by ParadoxSocks
Women are judged much more harshly on whether they are a virgin or not. We have to be "pure" for wedded purposes.
Women are judged much more harshly on whether they are a virgin or not. We have to be "pure" for wedded purposes.
Jesus Christ which century are you beaming in from?
Original post by Phoebe Buffay
You are really going above and beyond to not putting any personal responsibility on the OP...
No I'm not, I'm just saying how it is.
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Original post by Phoebe Buffay
Jesus Christ which century are you beaming in from?
Some cultures still hold that view.
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Original post by r-t
No you are not 'saying how it is' - nothing is this black or white.
It is possible to be drunk but still be able to give consent.
Original post by Phoebe Buffay
Jesus Christ which century are you beaming in from?
I don't agree with it but women are judged by many to be unsuitable for marriage if they've had sex either before marriage or with multiple partners.
I'm not debating this when OP has come here to ask for support.
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Original post by ParadoxSocks
Exactly the same. If he's too drunk to consent then he cannot give consent.
Women are judged much more harshly on whether they are a virgin or not. We have to be "pure" for wedded purposes.
Women are judged much more harshly on whether they are a virgin or not. We have to be "pure" for wedded purposes.
Yes, so if both parties were too drunk to give consent, then 'officially' no rape occurred.
Yes they are probably judged more harshly, but that does not mean that virginity is a social concept that was made up to control women. A lot of the time, men are judged on whether they have lost their viriginity.
They don't have to be 'pure'.
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