how to cope with living with my parents in my twenties?

First of all: no hate! Please read the whole post before commenting.

Me and my fiancé are finishing uni this month and were originally planning to get jobs before our move-out day of our current house and rent somewhere else. Unfortunately neither of us has been able to get a job, despite applying for everything (I suppose this is normal in a uni town!) so we are left with two options: his parents or mine. We eventually want to marry and live in the south west or Midlands so we are thinking living with my parents is the best option, and also my OH's brother still lives with his parents whereas I'm an only child, so there's less people.

Firstly, I know my parents are doing us a huge favour and I will respect all of their rules/wishes etc. We will pay (cheaper) rent as soon as we are in employment and do anything around the house.

The thing is:
1) my hometown is god-awful and I'm worried we will be stuck there and never leave, or at least not be able to escape for ages. I don't know anyone here except family and it's quite chavvy and tiny.
2) my parents are very... parenty. I know it's sweet n all, but I'm in my twenties and I feel like a teen when I go there. My parents walk into my room without knocking, ask when I am going to bed and get me up in the morning. After years of living on my own (and with my OH this year) it'll be hard to get used to. We never have any sort of sex life when we visit because the walls are thin...
3) we don't have our own space. My room is small and only fits a double bed and 'stuff'. My parents live in a bungalow with an attic bedroom which leads from the living room (no door or dividing wall, just stairs and their room is the 'landing' and they go to bed at 10pm EVERY night. So we can't even watch TV without it on mute and the lights off after 10. They eat at 5-6pm every night and eat the same boring food every week (they wouldn't like to be cooked for either; they're happy with it) but there isn't room for our own food so we've either got the go to the supermarket every day - impractical - or eat the same as them which would make me sad. And prob fat. We couldn't have anyone over because there isn't anywhere to host them and no spare room if we invite far-flung friends. I wouldn't want to go out at night because when we got in late at night it would wake them and the doggies.

My question is: how do we cope with living with them for a while? It would probably be at least 6 months until we have money in the bank, no overdrafts and an income from both of us. If anyone has been through the same, how did you survive? I love my parents but.. Hmm. I have suffered with depression from ages 15-18 whilst living St home because I felt so stuck in that house, and I'm worried i'll slip back under.

Reply 1

stargirl63

Would it be a better idea to live with your OH's parents? I know you're an only child, but if his parents actually treat you like an adult, then that may be the better option, even if it is a little cramped.

Also, did you say you were paying rent? How much? Because it might be an option to get a house share or something along those lines, between two of you it's cheaper than if you were on your own.

The only other alternative I can think of is live without your OH for a while. I know it would be difficult and you want to marry, but stressful situations like this have a habit of catching up on you and causing unnecessary arguments that you wouldn't have if you were not in this situation.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I don't have much in the way of practical advice - but I'm in almost the exact same situation except I'm also living with a step-parent. Super awkward. I'm just applying to tons of jobs and hoping that I can get out of here ASAP but in the mean time, you have to play by their rules. I'd recommend only being there when it's absolutely necessary (i.e night time when you need to sleep). Just try to get out as much as possible and when you're there, try to keep busy with your own things.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by stargirl63

Wouldn't work with us being apart - I've been visiting family without him for 3 days and we've missed each other so much, like to the point where I am cutting my trip short! His fam are 5 hours away from mine, too, so visiting at weekends would be difficult. We thought about a house share so maybe that's an option but I think we will prob end up moving up north. His parents have a second house that they let out so when the current tenants move out they may krt us rent it at a reduced rate (maybe 5 months time if they don't renew the contract) :smile:

Reply 4

stargirl63

Original post by Anonymous

3 days apart and you're both going crazy? I don't know if that's healthy tbh

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by stargirl63

3 days apart and you're both going crazy? I don't know if that's healthy tbh

We are fine - happy with each other etc. Wouldn't change a thing. We have spent two weeks apart before and we survived, we just skyped or phoned every day. But we are both going through some stuff atm - he's super stressed because he's about to finish uni and has a lot of work and pressure, and I'm having some health issues because of the miscarriage so we need each other. We are in love and like to see each others face/hear each others voice all dayday; it's like our favourite thing :tongue:

Reply 6

stargirl63

Original post by Anonymous

So erm...not to be rude, but if you're already saying you could move into his parents second house in 5 months, it seems you already know the answer to this thread you created..?