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I think I'm 'scared' of parties.. :/

Hi there,
Recently I have been invited to a few parties with my boyfriend and have found myself terrified of wanting to go.. There's a few reasons this could have: I don't drink alcohol and my boyfriend likes to get a bit drunk, I'm quite strange and don't have a lot in common with most people and I'm self-conscious of what all of my boyfriend's friends think of me.. :/
I don't know how to stop myself from feeling like this but I think it's becoming a constant thing around people..
I'm also scared of what uni is going to be like: I'm scared for my boyfriend's health as he won't have me to look after him and I don't want to get there to find that nobody is like me..

Does anyone know what I'm talking about??

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You can't carry on going through life being scared, it's always scary when you do a new thing, especially if it's something that involves a new social frontier like parties or uprooting to university. Solution is just to pull yourself together and do it, after one or two nights out you'll find you enjoy it. Anyway, you're Irish, you have no excuse!

Mind you, clubbing is **** if you don't drink so maybe join societies early and stick to their events in freshers' week, which are often more about going to the pub and talking.
Drink.
Original post by midnightice
Drink.

I second that
I have friends that used to be like you. They came to my parties and the next day they were saying "oh my god that was sooooooo fun. When's the next one?"

Most parties are crap though. You'l only feel this way if you attend one of mine :redface:
The point of a party is to have a good time and get f***ed (in more ways than 1).
Original post by ChickenMadness
I have friends that used to be like you. They came to my parties and the next day they were saying "oh my god that was sooooooo fun. When's the next one?"

Most parties are crap though. You'l only feel this way if you attend one of mine :redface:


You're right on the mark with that.
There's anxiety before the night out and an hour or two in you should get comfortable, as long as you're with the right company :smile:
Original post by scrotgrot
You can't carry on going through life being scared, it's always scary when you do a new thing, especially if it's something that involves a new social frontier like parties or uprooting to university. Solution is just to pull yourself together and do it, after one or two nights out you'll find you enjoy it. Anyway, you're Irish, you have no excuse!

Mind you, clubbing is **** if you don't drink so maybe join societies early and stick to their events in freshers' week, which are often more about going to the pub and talking.

Thanks for the advice, I've been to parties and nightclubs and I don't really think they're my crowd.. I know I need to keep trying it but I just get uncomfortable so easily.
Original post by midnightice
Drink.

I've already said I don't drink..
Original post by Lionheart96
You're right on the mark with that.
There's anxiety before the night out and an hour or two in you should get comfortable, as long as you're with the right company :smile:

Aha thanks for the advice, I don't really have a 'company', just a boyfriend who has a 'company' so I look like a spare part at a party because he's the opposite of me in this sense..
Original post by RhymeAsylumForever
The point of a party is to have a good time and get f***ed (in more ways than 1).

But I have a boyfriend and I don't drink so what's the point..? :P
Sounds like you have a minor, perfectly common and even slightly healthy form of social anxiety. You're admitting to being basically a little insecure and afraid of (the possibility of) people's negative judgment of you, anticipating it in advance because of your own reservations/negative judgment about yourself, likely from being criticised or even bullied at a younger age. This is different to just not being a big fan of parties because you admit you want to go but are scared of what people will think of you.

The lesson here is that contrary to populist advice, getting a romantic partner does not immediately make you confident or resolve self-esteem issues. I'm certainly not saying you should have any doubts in the strength your relationship, but (speaking from, really hard, experience here) it is in your best interests to work on building confidence meeting and socialising with new people now, and will make for a healthier relationship (or indeed self-esteem in the worst case scenario of a breakup in years to come). This does not mean becoming the life and soul of the party, as that may not be in your nature, but the ability to be slightly introverted yet confident in engaging around people who you 'click' with, and not necessarily with your bf will avoid any future dependency issues.

The danger of your current line of thinking is that, in anticipating that people probably will dislike you, you then isolate yourself which means a) you never let yourself meet anyone who may very well have a high opinion of you and then b) create a self-fulfilling prophecy that you are not likeable, which leads to further isolation and worsening of the social anxiety. This is a large set of very common cognitive distortion born of low self-esteem, such as 'mind-reading' 'staring into the crystal ball' etc.: anticipatory anxiety primarily.

The obvious but difficult solution to this is to work on finding reasons to like yourself, forcing yourself to interact with people despite the negative inner critic telling you it won't end well and is effectively dangerous, and once there presenting yourself as someone who you think that people will like (happy/confident/being yourself) :biggrin:

I hope this helps, feel free to ask any questions :smile:
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
Sounds like you have a minor, perfectly common and even slightly healthy form of social anxiety

Can you explain more for me? Sorry, I just need to understand it.
Original post by Cait Sullivan
Can you explain more for me? Sorry, I just need to understand it.


see above edit :smile: can I ask how old you are?
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
see above edit :smile: can I ask how old you are?

Thank you :smile: I'm 17 :smile:
Just pretend to have a good time and next thing you know you're actually loosenining up. If you want to drink then that's you but I wouldn't advise doing it to feel more comfortable :K: even though I know ppl do that but you said you don't drink so you could end up overdoing it and embarrassing yourself. Like I'd rather be looked at as boring than the trashy drunk. Just "heeheehaha" with people, hold one drink in your hand, and cling to your boyfriend and if a song comes on that you like...



:yy:
Original post by Feline_Nymphet
Just pretend to have a good time and next thing you know you're actually loosenining up. If you want to drink then that's you but I wouldn't advise doing it to feel more comfortable :K: even though I know ppl do that but you said you don't drink so you could end up overdoing it and embarrassing yourself. Like I'd rather be looked at as boring than the trashy drunk. Just "heeheehaha" with people, hold one drink in your hand, and cling to your boyfriend and if a song comes on that you like...



:yy:

Aha thanks, I shall remember these wise words :biggrin:
Original post by Cait Sullivan
Thank you :smile: I'm 17 :smile:


Ahh forgive me for saying this, but that makes sense :redface: it's really common to be insecure at your age, don't worry, you will 'grow out' of it but you have to push yourself, or you may find yourself just as scared 5 years down the line.

Have made a final edit to explain all the potential problems and my suggestions :smile:
Original post by Feline_Nymphet
Just pretend to have a good time and next thing you know you're actually loosenining up. If you want to drink then that's you but I wouldn't advise doing it to feel more comfortable :K: even though I know ppl do that but you said you don't drink so you could end up overdoing it and embarrassing yourself. Like I'd rather be looked at as boring than the trashy drunk. Just "heeheehaha" with people, hold one drink in your hand, and cling to your boyfriend and if a song comes on that you like...



:yy:


PRSOM actually :colonhash:
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
PRSOM actually :colonhash:


What exactly is PRSOM?

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