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My friend is pretending to be depressed

Okay so my friend had a fight with my other friend once so she had to go to the head of years office and stay there cos she was crying and stuff, and she missed lessons because of the whole fight. She said that she likes missing lessons so she went back to the head of years office and she's pretending to be depressed and she's pretending to self-harm because she doesn't want to go to lessons. Now she's got her own counsellor, she's aloud to miss any lessons she wants and she also got this whole paper filled with hotlines and the teachers gave her their numbers so she can call them anytime. I'm really pissed off cos she doesn't deserve all of this and there are people out there with real problem who don't even get help! So I guess my question is should I tell the teachers she's pretending? I have texts saying she's going to pretend so I have proof... or should I just leave her?

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Reply 1
She's essentially wasting the time of the staff members at your school. Meanwhile there could be someone with a genuine problem. Your friend is making a serious claim for such trivial matters, and it should be called out. If I were you, I'd tell someone.
Well, unless there's a plethora of depressed children in your school I don't think she will have a large adverse effect on it.
Edit: Answer: I would record her and make her say whether she is pretending or not in a conversation. Then I would hand it to the headmaster.
I ******* hate this. I would slap the **** out of people who pretend to have something that in reality is so degrading to both body and mind.
I suffered from clinical depression and anxiety for years, and I'm still battling it every now and then.
When I was depressed and I saw that it had an impact on my schoolwork, I was scared to even tell (or show) people that I had a problem. I've yet to see somebody ask to be excused from doing/attending something because they are "depressed". People who can't do something because they are depressed would do anything to be able to even work, rather than have breakdowns 24/7 and watch themselves whither.

My best friend cheated on her ex, and naturally he dumped her. She went all "depressed" mode and "tried to kill herself" 3 times. I've had enough genuine attempts to not even consider physically harming myself ever, even if the roof falls on my head, thank cthulhu for that. She ruined my return to my home country for the Easter Break with her idiotic pretends, scared the hell out of me and worst- revived my own depression for a while. After 2 weeks she got over the bastard and now is living fine and dandy.


She didn't do this once, she did this 3 times. Now I hate her enough to personally give her Paris Green if she ever thinks of playing that "depressed" card again.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by LaMandarine
Edit: Answer: I would record her and make her say whether she is pretending or not in a conversation. Then I would hand it to the headmaster.
I ******* hate this. I would slap the **** out of people who pretend to have something that in reality is so degrading to both body and mind.
I suffered from clinical depression and anxiety for years, and I'm still battling it every now and then.
When I was depressed and I saw that it had an impact on my schoolwork, I was scared to even tell (or show) people that I had a problem. I've yet to see somebody ask to be excused from doing/attending something because they are "depressed". People who can't do something because they are depressed would do anything to be able to even work, rather than have breakdowns 24/7 and watch themselves whither.

My best friend cheated on her ex, and naturally he dumped her. She went all "depressed" mode and "tried to kill herself" 3 times. I've had enough genuine attempts to not even consider physically harming myself ever, even if the roof falls on my head, thank cthulhu for that. She ruined my return to my home country for the Easter Break with her idiotic pretends, scared the hell out of me and worst- revived my own depression for a while. After 2 weeks she got over the bastard and now is living fine and dandy.


She didn't do this once, she did this 3 times. Now I hate her enough to personally give her Paris Green if she ever thinks of playing that "depressed" card again.


To be honest, if someone pretends to be depressed it doesn't make anyone else's depression trivial or worse. It doesn't affect anyone else's depression so I don't see it as a big deal. Obviously, in most cases it's wrong.
Original post by Protégé
To be honest, if someone pretends to be depressed it doesn't make anyone else's depression trivial or worse. It doesn't affect anyone else's depression so I don't see it as a big deal. Obviously, in most cases it's wrong.


I agree to a certain extent and on an individual basis. However it does contribute to the whole stigma that you "can just get over it" and people are depressed for "attention" which of course has longer term impacts like being less willing to ask for help or taken less seriously as a sufferer.
Although I concede that obviously isn't the level OP is talking about!

Op: tell someone you trust (a student support manager or whoever) that you think she might be pretending and you're worried about the long term consequences of her mental health, they should check it out especially as mental health services are awful for young people (only 20% get the help they need or something)

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Reply 6
This made me really happy to read. Not because of your friend (because if she really is faking she's a twit), but because your school takes depression that seriously and reacts so well. Big thumbs up, just a shame someone has chosen to abuse it.
Original post by somegirlcalledea
I agree to a certain extent and on an individual basis. However it does contribute to the whole stigma that you "can just get over it" and people are depressed for "attention" which of course has longer term impacts like being less willing to ask for help or taken less seriously as a sufferer.
Although I concede that obviously isn't the level OP is talking about!

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I agree but that is the reaction of people. Many people are morons and base what they think off of only their own individual circumstances and experiences, they fail to look at the bigger picture. Stigma is a result of this.
Original post by Protégé
To be honest, if someone pretends to be depressed it doesn't make anyone else's depression trivial or worse. It doesn't affect anyone else's depression so I don't see it as a big deal. Obviously, in most cases it's wrong.


Let me place it in the context: she invited me to her sister's birthday party at a nice pub where her ex was also invited. After less than 20 minutes she had a scene and I went with her outside to see if she was ok. We were in the middle of an intersection with intense traffic and she just told me to leave her there, insinuating from both her attitude and body language that she was determined to jump in front of a car. I told her I was genuinely scared and asked her to go back inside (I even proposed her to come to my place for that night and have a nice sleepover with cake and a good movie, even though I had a busy day the next day), I had to walk with her and her sister for 2 bus stops to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. I treated her like a best friend/ my sister and she did that to me -considering that at a previous attempt her parents called me and accused me for not knowing (or not wanting to tell) why their daughter didn't return home one night when I had no idea she went out to get piss drunk and was lurking on the streets. She worsened my depression because I was already feeling useless to my family, but now I also felt useless into helping my best friend.

I am dead curious to see what would have happened if I just told her that I didn't give a **** and went back in the pub that night.
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 9
Original post by PangXie
This made me really happy to read. Not because of your friend (because if she really is faking she's a twit), but because your school takes depression that seriously and reacts so well. Big thumbs up, just a shame someone has chosen to abuse it.


good point, but i assumed all schools were like this?? anyways what do you think I should do? Tell the teachers she lying or leave her?
Reply 10
Wow, that's appalling. I would genuinely love to challenge the person who said that.

I hope you got help from somewhere a bit more understanding after that. :hugs:
Are you serious :zomg:?
Original post by LaMandarine
Let me place it in the context: she invited me to her sister's birthday party at a nice pub where her ex was also invited. After less than 20 minutes she had a scene and I went with her outside to see if she was ok. We were in the middle of an intersection with intense traffic and she just told me to leave her there, insinuating from both her attitude and body language that she was determined to jump in front of a car. I told her I was genuinely scared and asked her to go back inside (I even proposed her to come to my place for that night and have a nice sleepover with cake and a good movie, even though I had a busy day the next day), I had to walk with her and her sister for 2 bus stops to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. I treated her like a best friend/ my sister and she did that to me -considering that at a previous attempt her parents called me and accused me for not knowing (or not wanting to tell) why their daughter didn't return home one night when I had no idea she went out to get piss drunk and was lurking on the streets. She worsened my depression because I was already feeling useless to my family, but now I also felt useless into helping my best friend.

I am dead curious to see what would have happened if I just told her that I didn't give a **** and went back in the pub that night.


I understand that but it doesn't change my original point. People pretending to be depressed doesn't affect you negatively by itself, but your friend applying her 'depression' in that way does.

Personally, I'd never listen to someone again if I deemed that they were just attention seeking or lied about suicide. Even if the second time they were serious and they actually harmed themselves, that's not my problem.

I will try and focus my efforts on those who deserve it rather than those who are just attention seekers or drama queens.
Reply 13
Original post by kxylah
good point, but i assumed all schools were like this?? anyways what do you think I should do? Tell the teachers she lying or leave her?


I'd like to think it's becoming more common, but certainly not normal. It's a great attitude. :smile: Wish I could say the same for your friend.

I think I'd just let her carry on, as with a school so understanding of mental health conditions you might run the risk of being seen as unsympathetic if you criticise her. In general it's great, as depression is still terribly stigmatised, but it could work against you here.

Difficult though it must be, just try to ignore her and work on doing the best you can. People like that always come a cropper sooner or later.
Why do you care? This doesn't affect you in anyway.
Reply 15
Original post by Sesshomaru24U
Why do you care? This doesn't affect you in anyway.


i care because she told the teachers that I'm the one she trusts the most with her feelings so I get taken out of lessons too and my friend tells me to go along with it... Plus I don't think it's right for her to pretend when there are people out there with real problems, however I don't want to tell the teachers if they are just going to think I'm unsympathetic.
It's horrible, I agree. I personally would not tell the teachers about this though. First thing I would do is talk to her. Tell her what you think, tell her that you will not be missing any lessons because of her lie. Just warn her. If in the end people think you are unsympathetic, then so be it. At least you know the truth.
The thing is, her abusing the system will not affect people going through a genuine phase of depression (they will still receive the same help). In reality, this will only affect her (negatively), she is her biggest enemy right now. Just wait until she experiences real depression!
If the teachers find out about the recording or text message, it might not have very pleasant results for both of you. What if she then falls into real depression, because of this? She might not receive the help ever again. That would teach her something, but still these type of things might make her suicidal. (Okay, I know...lol..I am talking about worst case scenario)
What if she is just telling you that she is bluffing? Do you know for sure, that she is not going through depression or suffering in any way (at home etc).
From what I know, if you are applying for help from school/uni, you have to provide some kind of proof (medical). Maybe she is not comfortable telling you about her problems. If that's true, then it will only make you look bad. I would think a school would have made sure that it is not easy to fake an illness such as depression (and I am sure they are aware of this possibility). Otherwise, every second student would do that? Especially when missing homework, deadlines etc. Just what I think.

I would just leave her. All this receiving extra help might sound good, but if she is lying she will have to pay for it some way or another. Missing lessons, never helped anyone.
You should definitely report her. She cannot be allowed to think that behaviour is okay. I'm 18 and I suffer from depression and anxiety, and the one of the worst things about it is that people don't understand what these things actually mean because of people like her. People think its just like feeling a bit down or a little alone or nervous. She is hurting real sufferers of depression and is enforcing the idea that doing so it okay. I will repeat myself :tongue: DEFINITELY REPORT HER!!!!
Reply 18
Original post by kxylah
Okay so my friend had a fight with my other friend once so she had to go to the head of years office and stay there cos she was crying and stuff, and she missed lessons because of the whole fight. She said that she likes missing lessons so she went back to the head of years office and she's pretending to be depressed and she's pretending to self-harm because she doesn't want to go to lessons. Now she's got her own counsellor, she's aloud to miss any lessons she wants and she also got this whole paper filled with hotlines and the teachers gave her their numbers so she can call them anytime. I'm really pissed off cos she doesn't deserve all of this and there are people out there with real problem who don't even get help! So I guess my question is should I tell the teachers she's pretending? I have texts saying she's going to pretend so I have proof... or should I just leave her?


Why hate on her creative genius?

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Reply 19
Original post by starlight4711
It's horrible, I agree. I personally would not tell the teachers about this though. First thing I would do is talk to her. Tell her what you think, tell her that you will not be missing any lessons because of her lie. Just warn her. If in the end people think you are unsympathetic, then so be it. At least you know the truth.The thing is, her abusing the system will not affect people going through a genuine phase of depression (they will still receive the same help). In reality, this will only affect her (negatively), she is her biggest enemy right now. Just wait until she experiences real depression!If the teachers find out about the recording or text message, it might not have very pleasant results for both of you. What if she then falls into real depression, because of this? She might not receive the help ever again. That would teach her something, but still these type of things might make her suicidal. (Okay, I know...lol..I am talking about worst case scenario)What if she is just telling you that she is bluffing? Do you know for sure, that she is not going through depression or suffering in any way (at home etc).From what I know, if you are applying for help from school/uni, you have to provide some kind of proof (medical). Maybe she is not comfortable telling you about her problems. If that's true, then it will only make you look bad. I would think a school would have made sure that it is not easy to fake an illness such as depression (and I am sure they are aware of this possibility). Otherwise, every second student would do that? Especially when missing homework, deadlines etc. Just what I think.I would just leave her. All this receiving extra help might sound good, but if she is lying she will have to pay for it some way or another. Missing lessons, never helped anyone.


thankyou for your reply it was very helpful :smile: I have thought of the possibility that she might be actually depressed but I honestly don't think it's it, I think the real reason she's doing this is because of her parents, they are quite strict about her grades and they want her to be a doctor however she's never been good at academic subjects, she's always been better at vocational subjects and I think she's pretending to be depressed so her parents won't shout at her for getting bad grades

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