Should I forgive myself?

This weekend I went out for the night with my friends and partner and I ended up drinking far too much. I don't remember a lot of the evening but I do remember some guy chatting me up at the bar and he bought me a drink.
Instead of telling him that I had a boyfriend, I let him get me a drink and was being quite flirty. I now feel extremely guilty. In my drunken state I just saw it as harmless fun and knew that it wouldn't lead to anything as deep down I am happy with my relationship.
When I've had drink I seem to enjoy male attention. I didn't have a father figure growing up and while this isn't an excuse, it's he only reason I can think of for my selfish behaviour and wanting attention from men.
Long story short, my boyfriend got extremely angry and upset with me (justifiably). He said that I was rubbing it in his face and this guy was stroking my arm - honestly didn't realise at the time. I feel horrible because I must have also given the guy my number as a text came through apologising from him for the trouble he had caused.
I know what I did was really wrong but it's like at the time I didn't see it. I'm not going to let myself get that drunk again and let my inhibitions slip. I also deleted his number straight away. Just feel like even though my partner has forgiven me, I can't forgive myself and it's eating me up inside.
So bottom line is, should I stop feeling guilty and just make sure I never happens again or am I right to feel this horrible?

Reply 1

channies

At least you have learnt from your mistake, you won't allow yourself to get that drunk again and you regret your actions and your partner has also forgiven you. At the time you didn't realise the implications of what you'd done but now you do you've taken actions to rectify it like deleting his number so I don't see how holding on to the guilt is beneficial in any way. Even though flirting with him may not have been the best call, you didn't actually kiss him so at least there's that, just try not to flirt with other guys when you're already in a relationship. I know it's hard but there's no point in holding on to the guilt. The past is the past, we all make mistakes and you've learnt from it which is the most important thing :smile: