The Student Room Group

not too sure if ive gotten over my original problems

well for all of 2006 ive been seriously messed up in the head. i dont know whether ive gotten over my original problems or whether its down to the person.
ive been feeling really lonely for a long long time. i have friends but for some reason i dont really feel contented with life.

About a year ago, i started to become obsessed with this person. well the thing is i developed a massive unhealthy crush on him, but at the start it kinda picked me up. i started looking forward to seeing him, talking to him made a big diffference to my day. he makes me happy. the crush wasnt 'ooh hes drop dead gorgeous' i liked him cos in way he looked out for me and kinda made me feel good about myself, like i was worth something. cos i dont feel happy with life, i never really have.

but then he found out i had a crush on him and my life took a turn for the worse. i couldnt stop crying. the thing is. hes a lot older than me. i look up to him and see him as a father figure. i have a lot of respect for him.
when he found out, he became really distant, glares at me and generally wanted nothing to do with me. this was back in may.
i started to feel like ive lost someone important in my life.
over the summer, i felt suicidal and i felt like slitting my wrists. i nearly did at one point but i managed to stop myself.

7months on. things are just about back to normal. the 'crush' is no where near as intense. hes a lot nicer now and sometimes talks to me. but still i want that 'looking out for me' thing again. like he could help me give me some direction in my life.

but ive been feeling down and every now and then hes occasionally on my mind. i dont know whether im feeling down cos i havnt gotten over my original problems or whether its cos im missing him.

sorry for the ramble
I think it's because you're missing someone to look up to and have a crush on, not because you're specifically missing him. A year is a long time... even if you're over the crush, you might not be used to living without it. It takes a while. :smile:
Reply 2
but even now when i talk to him, i instantly feel happier.
Reply 3
I think, despite you saying you don't think it's so intense, it is deep inside you. Is there anything else you can focus on, like work or another man?
Anonymous
but even now when i talk to him, i instantly feel happier.

Because that's how you're used to feeling. And that's not a bad thing at all.
Reply 5
i suppose i could focus on other things but the thing is, i have to see him all the time. monday-friday hes there. even little things he does sends me haywire. if he glares at me. im reduced to tears. if he smiles at me, it makes my day. i dont even think hes good looking- i do not fancy him. he just makes me feel like im worth something. and the thing is i cant even tell him how im feeling. the very situation makes things complicated.
i know its deep inside. i just go on with life....
he thinks i have a crush on him. but its not infatuation, its admiration
Reply 6
i dont know whether i should tell him what im really feeling for him or whether i should let it go. but its soo deep inside, i dont know how
Reply 7
woaaaaaaaaaaaa i thought i typed that.
I exactly understand hw u feel. And the feeling jus tears you apart. Well, how old r u? u "have" to learn to move on.. the sooner u learn the better.
*hugs*..
Reply 8
im a 16 yr old girl
Reply 9
You sound far more sensible than ur age. Well, dont worry. This is life and you cant get everything u desire. I know its hard but the best solution is to move on. Try as hard as possible and when ur really out of it u will feel great
Reply 10
i sound far more sensible than my age....that made me feel a lot better thanks cos i feel very immature.....and i hate it lol
Anonymous
i dont know whether i should tell him what im really feeling for him or whether i should let it go. but its soo deep inside, i dont know how

Maybe if you told him it might make things easier for you to let go. I understand that it's really hard to do that though.
you ask whether your misery is due to this crush, or your original problems. I think that is the key.

I read the following about sexual obsession over a person. Think of it this way, if you have a very profound problem that's related to your personality and approach to life, or your past, your family or even just the condition of being human it's difficult to know where to start. It's maybe very unerving to face, maybe you just don't know how. There's tremendous anxiety so your mind creates this distraction, this very concrete and tangible thing which takes up all your thoughts, all your energies, and all your emotions. Then your days are filled with petty thoughts, like the look he gave you, what he said, what he might have meant. It's like being filled with rubbish. Yet of course the real problem is not tackled so there's the constant feeling of disatisfaction, but the rubbish gives you something to rummage in, and you even get other people, like us on this forum, to rummage with you.

Now I don't know if this is applicable to your case. It could be that this person is so wonderful that he is worth a year or more of your obsessing, maybe it's just hard getting over a crush. From my experience however I'd say letting someone hold such a central position in your life for that amount of time is a form of idolatry, and you should ask yourself: what would you be thinking about if you weren't thinking about him?
You shouldn't look up to someone else to give you a direction in life. I understand how you feel, because I know someone like you. She gave up her education and only had a few friends in year 11 because she was obsessed with ex boyfriend who was seeing numerous other girls. Her life was a real mess, and somedays she'd come in to school with scratches all over her arm and when I saw she'd burst into tears. Was terrible to go through for her, and for me because I care about her a lot. Anyway, now she's picked herself up. She's doing the same course as me in sixth form and I'm stunned at how hard she works. I know it's rude to talk about someone else, but I know she's not a member of this site. Anyway, she still talks to her ex, but she's got her motivation from within now, which I really admire about her. She no longer depends on him. Anyway, I hope that kinda helped. It's best to believe in yourself, than need reassurance from someone else to feel good about yourself. You should start thinking about yourself, and be confident! Hope it all works out for you.
Reply 14
I just came back to this thread to see what people are advicing you. I totally agree with them.. One thing is clear, "never" depend on anyone in this world.. dont let ne one hold a strong position in ur life specially love.. I love this quote
"Love is giving someone the power to destroy u and trusting them not to use it"
move on girl