It sucks not to have your parent's support.

Sorry this is kinda a whiny rant.

I've planned to go back to college this September for idk nearly a year now and I always knew it wouldn't be a decision looked upon favourably by my mum.

I found out today (via my nan) that my mum knows I'm going back (I assume because I've had 2 letters from the college posted to me in the past week) and has told my nan she intends to do absolutely nothing for me any more.

I just... don't get it. I'm saving up enough money to be able to pay my mum her rent from me for 1.5 years and right now I barely ask my mum to do anything for me. I'm grateful that I still live in this house and have access to water, electricity etc. and for the past few years I don't bother asking for stuff on xmas/bday 'cause I know it can be a financial burden. I never ask her for lifts anywhere (I get taxis or my nan offers), I never ask her to go buy certain food, I never go on family holidays etc. etc.

I've done a lot to reduce financial burden on my mum and I'm saving up the money myself to pay for my college fees + rent + everything else for 1.5 or so years. My mum herself only first went to college in her early thirties because she decided to gain accountancy skills, so she should know of how important education is.

Me and my family (esp my mum) have always been distant for so many years, but now she's really starting to piss me off and upset me. I honestly wish I wasn't raised in such an unsupportive family :frown:

Anyone have any advice how I can get through this?

tl;dr - going back to college, mum outright won't support my decision, feel disconnected from family, much sad.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

neverstudious

That sounds incredibly difficult, Inexorably. What you're dealing with is extremely unfair, I'm not surprised it's starting to piss you off. It sounds like a complex situation with a lot of history - have you considered talking to a professional about it? Many universities offer free counselling services, as do some not-for-profit organisations.

Reply 2

Asolare

OP

20

Original post by neverstudious

That sounds incredibly difficult, Inexorably. What you're dealing with is extremely unfair, I'm not surprised it's starting to piss you off. It sounds like a complex situation with a lot of history - have you considered talking to a professional about it? Many universities offer free counselling services, as do some not-for-profit organisations.

Contemplated calling places like uhh samaritans just to vent, but I don't know what to do now.... my mum has said I'm being thrown out in a few weeks and I just :'(

Reply 3

neverstudious

I think calling the Samaritans would be a good idea, but having a regular session with a professional would probably be more helpful.

Are you concerned about housing? If so, your university should have a student support service that can assist you.

This isn't a situation you should have to deal with by yourself! Please find yourself some support

Reply 4

AsandaLFC

16

How old are you

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Asolare

OP

20

Original post by AsandaLFC

How old are you

Posted from TSR Mobile

19.

Reply 6

AsandaLFC

16

Original post by Inexorably

19.

And your mom doesnt want u to go to uni ? What kind of a mom is she ? If u can live by the halls please do so coz u wont survive the negative energy from your mom everyday.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

aliman65

15

There should be financial and housing support available for this kind of thing. You should talk to someone at the college/university about this as no one on tsr will know what their support available is like.
Alternatively, if you have any friends that live near the college then you could ask them if you could live in their house for a while?

Reply 8

mjrd

12

Thats soooo sad. My mum pushes me to go and do my best and helps lots esp as im dyslexic and autistic, it has been a strain as she has to pay so much for me to have tutoring. She dont go out, buy clothes, wear make up or get hair and nails done as she would like so that she can afford to pay for me. Is there no way you could go and live with your gran who seems to be more of a help and support to you??

Reply 9

Asolare

OP

20

Re: Halls, I am only restarting College in September (not uni) so there would be no halls available. If worst comes to worst I could try and talk to the college about housing but I don't think they have a lot of support.

My nan told me on the phone recently that she doesn't want to see me on the streets so she will let me live with her and grandad if my mum does throw me out, which I am incredibly grateful for :smile:

.

Reply 10

loperdoper

15

Original post by Inexorably

Re: Halls, I am only restarting College in September (not uni) so there would be no halls available. If worst comes to worst I could try and talk to the college about housing but I don't think they have a lot of support.

My nan told me on the phone recently that she doesn't want to see me on the streets so she will let me live with her and grandad if my mum does throw me out, which I am incredibly grateful for :smile:

.

Colleges do have money for bursaries set aside, if you needed to stay in a local hostel etc, although how much you could hope to get per term is something you'd need to speak to the college regarding.

Reply 11

thecatwithnohat

20

Original post by Inexorably

Re: Halls, I am only restarting College in September (not uni) so there would be no halls available. If worst comes to worst I could try and talk to the college about housing but I don't think they have a lot of support.

My nan told me on the phone recently that she doesn't want to see me on the streets so she will let me live with her and grandad if my mum does throw me out, which I am incredibly grateful for :smile:

.

Speak to your college also

Most usually provide financial support to those who need it, within reason, and your situation certainly seems to fit the criteria.

I'm only an inbox away if you'd like to talk/vent/whatever :h:

Reply 12

Tamzie

6

Original post by Inexorably

Re: Halls, I am only restarting College in September (not uni) so there would be no halls available. If worst comes to worst I could try and talk to the college about housing but I don't think they have a lot of support.

My nan told me on the phone recently that she doesn't want to see me on the streets so she will let me live with her and grandad if my mum does throw me out, which I am incredibly grateful for :smile:

.

Hahah sorry this isn't much help with the situation but you seem like a very grateful and independant person. I'm sure you'll do fine without your mother if you do decide to move out. Just consider everything that would happen when deciding what to do

Reply 13

Asolare

OP

20

Original post by thecatwithnohat

Speak to your college also

Most usually provide financial support to those who need it, within reason, and your situation certainly seems to fit the criteria.

I'm only an inbox away if you'd like to talk/vent/whatever :h:

Original post by loperdoper

Colleges do have money for bursaries set aside, if you needed to stay in a local hostel etc, although how much you could hope to get per term is something you'd need to speak to the college regarding.

Original post by Tamzie

Hahah sorry this isn't much help with the situation but you seem like a very grateful and independant person. I'm sure you'll do fine without your mother if you do decide to move out. Just consider everything that would happen when deciding what to do

Wow thanks for the quick responses guys :tongue:

I know my college have a student bursary, but I've never looked into it to a great extent (when I was originally at college years ago I got offered it to only cover bus travel and text books).

Thanks again :^_^:

Reply 14

thecatwithnohat

20

Original post by Inexorably

Wow thanks for the quick responses guys :tongue:

I know my college have a student bursary, but I've never looked into it to a great extent (when I was originally at college years ago I got offered it to only cover bus travel and text books).

Thanks again :^_^:

I think they give a little extra to students with certain situations e.g. adopted, living alone etc.

If you were to move out (God forbid, unless you want that) you could look into it. Every little helps at the end of the day.

In response to your mother, I do not understand why she would feel the need to discourage you from having an education. Does she not want want you to have high hopes for yourself and live a happy life? I would say ignore her, but it's difficult to do when you're in the same house and her moods aren't always predictable. Go to college, think about yourself for once, the amount you've been contributing to even be living in that house is waaay over what's normal. You don't want to not go to college and think 'what if...' later on in life.

It sucks not to have your parent's support.

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