The Student Room Group

How does an Overweight girl find a boyfriend?

Not asking for myself but an overweight friend of mine. She's not obese but around this kind of shape. She is proud of her curves (always sharing fatspiration on her Instagram) and does not want to lose weight.

http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/23643313/2/stock-photo-23643313-overweight-confident-girl-in-underwear.jpg

Shes pretty (does her make-up, nice red hair, big boobs etc.) but she can't find a boyfriend who looks past her weight and she also likes (she likes guys who dress well, not necessarily loaded guys but in a posh way). She is pretty good with guys, I am too shy to chase but she's outgoing and flirts shamelessly with literally everyone haha, from my brother to the guy at Costa to the doctor when I went with her to the hospital for knee pain. However the guys don't seem to know what to make of it and she hasn't even had a date for years. What advice should I give her, do you reckon she is flirting wrong?

This is also affecting our friendship. We have been close since 18 but we are now in our early twenties, and though she has bigger boobs and is more outgoing, guys tend to go for me without me going for them but not her even though she chases them a lot, and sometimes I feel she resents me for it. I feel sorry for her on nights out because she makes such an effort and spends hours doing her make up but nobody hits on her, just the other girls in our group. Should I offer to help her lose weight? (I am sporty but dont want to be rude, and she is proud of her weight).

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She already knows the answer. She just doesn't like it.
tell her to lose weight smh. No fat person is proud of their weight, I would know I used to be huge.
Reply 3
Original post by TurboCretin
She already knows the answer. She just doesn't like it.


Lol :tongue:

aside from her weight is she doing everything else right? (being forward with guys even ones she doesn't know too well) etc
she should start lifting
Reply 5
Incentivise her running e.g. whipping, doughnut on a string...

Reply 6
Original post by arabinthemist
tell her to lose weight smh. No fat person is proud of their weight, I would know I used to be huge.


I have hinted at it but don't want to come off as bitchy by saying it outright because I'm a size 6 :s-smilie: She is quite a "dominant" personality too, sexually forward (I guess guys might like that?) and always tweeting the "I love my curves" fatspiration, she doesn't get fat on purpose though
Reply 7
The fact is that for most men she's not going to be at the top of the list. If she wants a guy who has a decent personality, dresses well and looks after himself, chances are he has other options.
Reply 8
Original post by shawn_o1
she should start lifting


I have offered to take her to the gym but she won't go (excuses like "full of disgusting sweaty muscular men") etc. :rolleyes:

futbol
Incentivise her running e.g. whipping, doughnut on a string...

http://woldfitness.com/wp-content/up...n-a-string.jpg


She says she "walks a lot" :lol:
Original post by Anonymous
I have hinted at it but don't want to come off as bitchy by saying it outright because I'm a size 6 :s-smilie: She is quite a "dominant" personality too, sexually forward (I guess guys might like that?) and always tweeting the "I love my curves" fatspiration, she doesn't get fat on purpose though


Honestly, you need to tell her she's harming herself. Being fat is not healthy and nothing to be proud of. Tough love is needed, and when she sheds the fat off she'll thank you forever. Otherwise she's in a constant downward spiral.
Original post by miser
The fact is that for most men she's not going to be at the top of the list. If she wants a guy who has a decent personality, dresses well and looks after himself, chances are he has other options.


I don't think she cares about having a bf who's not fat etc. TBH, more just someone who dresses well in particular (she's into fashion a lot).

She is forward with guys (even ones like the waiter or her doctor!) so won't that increase her chances? I am hopeless with chasing lol
Original post by arabinthemist
Honestly, you need to tell her she's harming herself. Being fat is not healthy and nothing to be proud of. Tough love is needed, and when she sheds the fat off she'll thank you forever. Otherwise she's in a constant downward spiral.


Thanks :smile: she would probably just defriend me/take it personally though. She's one of those loud, "strong personality" type people, a self-described "guy in a girl's body" who says what she wants (although that makes it sadder because if she was a healthy weight she could get a bf no problem, she has a cool personality).
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think she cares about having a bf who's not fat etc. TBH, more just someone who dresses well in particular (she's into fashion a lot).

She is forward with guys (even ones like the waiter or her doctor!) so won't that increase her chances? I am hopeless with chasing lol

Yeah that will increase her chances a bit but not really with people who aren't very attracted to her who have other interest. Being overweight as a guy isn't as big a deal for attracting women as the other way around.

Original post by Anonymous
Thanks :smile: she would probably just defriend me/take it personally though. She's one of those loud, "strong personality" type people, a self-described "guy in a girl's body" who says what she wants (although that makes it sadder because if she was a healthy weight she could get a bf no problem, she has a cool personality).

Oh man, loud and argumentative too? I expect this would be a factor as well.
She should join some clubs. I know most guys come for looks but stay for personality, if she can just get guys to get to know her, then maybe she'll find someone...idk though
Original post by Anonymous

She is forward with guys (even ones like the waiter or her doctor!) so won't that increase her chances? I am hopeless with chasing lol


If she thinks hitting on people while they're at work or in a position of responsibility is going to result in a relationship, then she's not going to get very far.

Also, male doctors have options. Just saying.
Hey,

Look she's really not that big, if she is similar size than the OP's photo. I'm a size 18 and 5'8, so I'm on the big size. Guys don't approach me on nights out, it doesn't bother me. Guys tend to approach me more during day light e.g. shopping, at the bus stop etc. There's sooooo many guys out there who like big girls, believe me, I'm leading on about 4 right now. She's probably going about it the wrong way.
Original post by miser
Yeah that will increase her chances a bit but not really with people who aren't very attracted to her who have other interest. Being overweight as a guy isn't as big a deal for attracting women as the other way around.

Oh man, loud and argumentative too? I expect this would be a factor as well.


It helps though. Also I thought a lot of guys went for the "curvy, big bum" look these days (e.g. Kim Kardashian who's slightly overweight tbh?)

She's not bitchy (I'm pretty sensitive/girly TBH so wouldn't be around her if she was). Or particularly argumentative her weight is just a sensitive thing so that's an exception. I guess you could say she's outspoken though (she keeps commenting on my brother's appearance when she sees him :lol:). She has a lot of friends so she must be doing something right?
Original post by TheDancingRhino
She should join some clubs. I know most guys come for looks but stay for personality, if she can just get guys to get to know her, then maybe she'll find someone...idk though


Thanks what kind of clubs? :smile:

She's pretty facially and a redhead, so not that bad looking idk.
Original post by TurboCretin
If she thinks hitting on people while they're at work or in a position of responsibility is going to result in a relationship, then she's not going to get very far.

Also, male doctors have options. Just saying.


I thought it was seen as OK to hit on your waiter sometimes if it was done politely? (at least, I used to work as a waitress in a pretty decent restaurant and got hit on constantly, manager said it came with the job).

I don't think she was being too serious about it but just to illustrate she does put her self out there :smile:
Original post by .JC.
I know someone EXACTLY like the person you're describing.

Frankly, everyone I know gets pissed off when she is loud and up front. There is a line, and it sound like your friend is passed it too.

People who 'embrace' their curves are clearly just looking for an excuse not to lose weight. If you offered them a slim figure they would take it any day, and if they say they wouldn't then they are a liar.


Yeah.. she's not bitchy (I'm a girly girl and sensitive myself so don't think I could stand to be around her if she were like that) but rather "outspoken" if you know what I mean, she still talks a bit like a fresher though we're out of uni.

How can I help my friend?

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