[Leisure17]

Since the thread on Fresher's week was closed due to spamming -> Here is a new try for those who really do have an issue here.

[Toy Soldier]

Hmm, I made LOADS of friends in first year, but I have to admit that I made them all through halls, and through a friend who had been here a year longer. I have plenty of friends, but really hardly any from my course (a few that I'll chat to / say hi to when I pass them, but not actual "friends". And I do have friends on my course, but that I's consider "friends from halls" rather than "friends from course&quot. So yes I can see how it might be difficult. Hmm, maybe if I didn't already have a friend here when I came, and hadn't stayed in halls, I'd be friendless . Though I guess I'd have made more effort to make other friends if that had been the case.

[*starry_eyed_*]

I appear to be having problems now.

Freshers week was ok-ish. I'm really really shy and have little confidence, but I did end up talking to so many different people. This might sound trivial but now that the week's over, I just can't remember people's names. This is really embarrassing and I've tried making a joke of it, but it m akes me look like I can't be bothered to create friendeships.

Another problem is within my flat. There's 10 of us in our corridor and my relationship with them seems to vary. Some days I will happily sit in the kitchen with them, attempting to join in with their conversations. Others, like now for example, I can't face having to talk to so many people, and pretend I'm confident.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by *starry_eyed_*

I appear to be having problems now.

Freshers week was ok-ish. I'm really really shy and have little confidence, but I did end up talking to so many different people. This might sound trivial but now that the week's over, I just can't remember people's names. This is really embarrassing and I've tried making a joke of it, but it m akes me look like I can't be bothered to create friendeships.

Another problem is within my flat. There's 10 of us in our corridor and my relationship with them seems to vary. Some days I will happily sit in the kitchen with them, attempting to join in with their conversations. Others, like now for example, I can't face having to talk to so many people, and pretend I'm confident.

Ooooh I'm terrible with names. I get introduced to people and forget their name within minutes, ha. I mostly refer to people by what I call them in my head, like "spiky haired boy" or "mormon girl".

As for the people you stay with, naturally you'll get on better with some than others.

As general advice - you just have to really push yourself. "Confidence" is like a muscle. The more you force yourself to be in social situations, the easier it becomes. When I was in my early teens I was really shy, eventually I just decided I'd force myself to be outgoing. Now some (foolish people) might suggest I'm slightly over-confident .

[lindindin]

Originally Posted by *starry_eyed_*

This might sound trivial but now that the week's over, I just can't remember people's names. This is really embarrassing and I've tried making a joke of it, but it m akes me look like I can't be bothered to create friendeships.

I have the same problem, I see people and I know I´m supposed to know their names. But often a "sorry, what was your name again?" works wonders, because the usual reply is "soandso, and what was yours again?". You´re not alone

[Leisure17]

Why not make it a bit of a laugh that you are bad with names? I am like that as well and usually tell people straight away that it is not a sign of disrespect, but I could have difficulties recalling their name. When they know it is only half as bad, but yes, it can be very embarrassing.

[Higgy]

I made my best mates last year through having something in common with them, i.e they were living at home just like i was/still are. I didnt really find this though until about xmas before that i had very few mates then suddenly bam i had loads, it will happen!

[Anonymous]

I'm also finding it very hard. I've been out a few times with a couple of flatmates, but....they're girls. And they're 2nd years. I need to make friends with lads that are 1st years! I'm finding it impossible to do that in lectures coz we sit in different places everytime and of course, you're not supposed to talk.

[Anonymous]

GUYS HELP ME! the friends i made in freshsers week, and my hall buddies are all pretty much ignoring me now! They probably think im really boring, and i admit they arnt the type of ppl i normally hang out with but they seem to be goin out every night and dont even think about knocking on my door! And other people seem to blank me when i walk past

[Anonymous]

you think you lot have it bad im a second yr and still have not made 1 friend!!!!

[Macy]

"finding that making friends can be difficult" . thats an understatement. I dont live in halls coz i already live in london and every1 else seems 2 have already made friends via their halls and i feel like theres no1 left that is friendless like me!! im really hating uni at the moment mainly because of this.

[shavenwookiee]

I found I didnt really make many friends in halls. I was put in with the rich people... wasn't my 'scene'

Anyway, about 2/3rds of the way through the year, I found a guy who I really clicked with, and he introduced me to his friends that I like as well.

Now we've got a flat together!

Freshers week is great for making friends, but its not the be all and end all. Dont worry about it, you'll get a good network of friends eventually.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

you think you lot have it bad im a second yr and still have not made 1 friend!!!!

dear oh dear. Not even 1 friend? Not 1? How is this possible? What happened?

[Anonymous]

god knows i dont live there i suppose

[Anonymous]

thats no excuse, u surely made friends on ur course? WHy dont u join societies? even those that u have a vague interest in... come on make the effort, no-body is gona go to ur home and ask to be ur friend

[Anonymous]

Im finding it really difficult, it has really knocked my confidence- i thought it would be a new start for me and that i would be a better person for it, but i've realised Uni is still a lot like school and not everyone grows up. It was a bit of a shock but im hoping that it will get better..

[cloudofcalm]

Okay, all of you sitting there and saying, 'I'm so unconfident, I can't make friends, it's so hard', stop.

Take a breath.

Who can fix this situation, logically? It's not your parents, or your friends at home, or nameless people on the internet. Hiding from the mass of people doesn't help you. The only one who can make you feel more confident is you.

If you don't feel it, fake it. Someone has to take the first step in a conversation, and EVERYONE is shy, nervous, a little apprehensive. First of all, smile, say, 'hi, I'm X,' and add a comment on your circumstances, ie, 'what do you think of this lecturer?' 'it's hard to go to class on a Monday after the weekend, isn't it?' etc. Nine times out of ten, the other person will nod, smile back and introduce themselves. Even people you don't feel WOULD talk to you - they're human.

Making friends, chat. In the beginning of a lecture, when everyone's coming in, introduce yourself to the person behind you, or next to you. At the end, remark on the lecture itself. Suggest grabbing a coffee before swinging home. Yes, you CAN do this with random people - they can either accept or refuse, ad either way, you're no worse off than you were before. I'm in my second week, and I have a couple of good friends who I've met this way. I'm considered friendly and self-confident because all I do is smile at people, and introduce myself.

If you feel, 'what if they think I'm TOO outgoing' - do what I do. My standard introduction (mind you, I'm a thesp, and an arts student, so I get away with it) is 'hi, I'm Alice, I'm just randomly introducing myself to as many people as possible, in the hope that like, one of ten thousand million wants to talk to me! What subjects do you study? Oh, cool, that always sounded really interesting in the course-guide. What do you think so far? Oh, excellent, I love knowing I already completely adore the things I'm studying. Urgh, getting here on time was absolutely awful, I was out at X society last night, what ones are you part of?'

etc. etc.

Join societies, if you don't know what's on, go to the Student Union, and ASK. Invite the person in the next room in for tea. Talk to the person next to you in your tutorial. University is a great place to meet people. You just have to take the first step.

[JasonMx]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

As general advice - you just have to really push yourself. "Confidence" is like a muscle. The more you force yourself to be in social situations, the easier it becomes. When I was in my early teens I was really shy, eventually I just decided I'd force myself to be outgoing. Now some (foolish people) might suggest I'm slightly over-confident .

Good advice that

Jason

[Anonymous]

Is it so bad to not have any friends? what do you think of someone who doesn't have any friends?

[OC_girl]

I ususally make friends fairly easily but then distance myself as i like my own company and i have loads of work to do this year being a post-grad.

I think that people without many friends who are happy with that are perfectly normal. Not everyone feels the need to always be around others.