Boyfriend spoke of suicide

Hello,

I could do with someone to talk to. My boyfriend/ex (not sure what to call him as we are very on and off) has said some worrying things about his mental health. I feel like he is blaming me and my head is all over the place. He says I make him miserable by arguing for no reason but the thought of losing me makes him have thoughts of suicide. I told him I think its best we dont talk for a few weeks and he tells me I am making everything about myself... I can't win. He doesn't want me to tell anyone the things he is telling me so a forum is the only place I can go :frown:

Would someone be ok to pm me about this? Thanks

Reply 1

shawn_o1

You have to have a good chat with him about it. Oh, and we can't PM you if you're anon.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

You have to have a good chat with him about it. Oh, and we can't PM you if you're anon.

When I bring it up he tells me to shutup and no reason to talk about it as he isnt going to do it :frown:

Reply 3

shawn_o1

Original post by Anonymous

When I bring it up he tells me to shutup and no reason to talk about it as he isnt going to do it :frown:

Then you're gonna have to leave him. Either make sure he opens up or stop being his girlfriend, you know the relationship is not going anywhere atm so take action
Oh, if you have to, get his parents involved

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

Can I pm you about this please?

Reply 5

shawn_o1

Original post by Anonymous

Can I pm you about this please?

yep

Reply 6

KingStannis

Feel free to PM me. I think say we shouldn't talk was a mistake after he opened up to you like that. At least it would be for me, becuas ethat would mean you're the only one I can trust in the world and oh look you don't want to hear it. But I can't comment without more details. Suicide in men is a silent endemic so this could be serious.

Reply 7

Joshale

Guys tend to not tell anybody about their depression and suicide thoughts, honestly you should stand with him, if you don't want to be his girlfriend but sure, but as a friend you should be there

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

I told my ex (boyfriend at the time) that if he left me I would end it, because he was the only good thing in my life at the time. He still ended it and I attempted suicide and ended up getting sectioned and in hospital for 3 months. I regret putting that on him and feel so horrible for saying that, but when you have those thoughts and feelings you're not in your right mind.

It's tough because you don't want to be the reason for it but you don't want to feel pressured into staying with him for that reason, you've just got to tell him that you will still be there for him and he can talk to you whenever - but you don't want to feel pressured at all. It's such a tricky situation and I do feel for you, unfortunately you can't predict how he may take it all but I wish you the best

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Can I pm you please? We are both anon :/

Reply 10

kstar345

Original post by Anonymous

Would someone be ok to pm me about this? Thanks

PM me if you need a chat- been in a very similar situation during the past couple of months :-)

Reply 11

withlove

Original post by Anonymous

Can I pm you please? We are both anon :/

Yeah sure thing x

Reply 12

Maddie088

sorry havent read all the comments, but just remember you cant be with him just cause he blames you etc, dont feel bad if you break up (you probably dont, but just in case as a lot of people do)

Reply 13

Twinpeaks

I know he might well be genuine, but some people hold things like suicidal thoughts/ thoughts of self harm over people's head as a form of blackmail/ manipulation.

But at the same time he could be basically crying out for help. Either way, you're out of your depth. You need to inform someone what he's told you.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Twinpeaks

He refuses to talk about it and when i suggested doctor he said he didnt need one

Reply 15

Nefarious

If you've suggested he seeks help from a health professional and he has refused then there is nothing further you can do for him. You can not let him blackmail you into staying with him because of his mental health, and if his mental state really is as bad as he says it is then prolonging the current state of affairs where you are in an on and off in a relationship will do him no favours.

You are left with two options as I see it:

1) Talk to him and resolve your issues so you can stay together, this will include both of you coming to terms with any mental health needs he has, and him accepting that he can't use them as blackmail to get his own way all the time. If he is really unwilling to talk with you about this then obviously this won't work.

2) Clearly and absolutely ruling out any possibility of a future relationship with him. This may trigger him into a worse mental state but this is his problem and not yours, if he refuses all support there is absolutely nothing you can do. There's also a possibility that that getting rid of the uncertainty in the situation may actually help his mental state, and in the long term even if he does go down hill there's a good chance that as time heals the wounds he'll get back into a better place compared to now.

If you go with the second option and he tells you that he has overdosed, or is about to commit suicide you can contact the emergency services who will intervene, his doctors may then decide that he does need treatment for any mental health issues he has.