Worried about friendlessness and moving out

Basically, I'm extremely worried that I'll have no-one to move in with next year. I have no 'close' friends (maybe even no friends, or maybe I'm misjudging what makes someone a friend) at Uni and am only talked to by one person on my course outside of 'lesson time', but only on msn cos she lives on the north campus and I'm on the south. I'm going to try to go to more of the subject's society meetings to get to know people on my course but I'm still worried that that will yield no-one who will be willing to have me move in with them.

My boyfriend thought it would be quite good if I moved in with him and his two mates who came with him from high school to the same uni and halls, along with whoever else, but this idea is only "quite good" because if we broke up it would be a disaster of a situation*. The whole 'no close friends' thing has had me on a low for a while too, I'm sure I'm supposed to have friends I go out with regularly by now - the only people I go out with regularly are my boyfriend and his mates. I want friends of my own, but I find it hard to make a good first impression because I'm so shy meeting new people and barely say anything and probably look terrified. I know I should put on a confident act or whatever, but when it comes to the crunch, I can't do it. My flatmates (the home students, the Erasmus ones keep themselves to themselves) have become their own little clique and I feel really left out a lot of the time. They have pictures of themselves on nights out plastered all over the common room and when 'the flat' was organising a birthday surprise for one flatmate, I was camerawoman, which made me feel really ****. Another flatmate's birthday, I wanted to know what people were doing for her present-wise, they didn't really answer and then clubbed together to get her something without telling me, which probably made me look like a miser because I hadn't put anything towards it, even though I'd wanted to. I know people might suggest I talk to them about feeling left out, but I don't think they'd be sympathetic to that.

Sorry it's in long paragraphs, I couldn't find convenient places to break it up.

*I wrote this a while ago, the situation’s changed a little: me and my boyfriend just split up (he dumped me, I was the problem), and now even though he knows it’s hit us both hard and wants to stay the best friends that we can be, I can’t face meeting his friends who he goes out with, so I have no-one.

Reply 1

zain88

I think I can only give tips on how to meet new people; join clubs and societies that you're interested in at your uni. If you're union has a bar maybe try to get a job there so more people will know you.

After that it's up to you to really make an effort with people. Although you're friend lives on the other end of campus, couldn't you still arrange to meet up?

Also, people put up posters if they are looking for a flatmate so you could respond to those ads if you needed to. You won't be left flatless!

Reply 2

danni_bella

What about people in your classes at uni? Especially international students, they're always looking for places lol. I myself am local to where I live (born and bred), but I found my housemate at the local union also looking for places to live! Turns out she was in one of my bio classes which made it easier.

We have to move out of our house on the 15th of Feb so actually you have reminded me to start looking :p:

XxX

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

im in a similar situation, im currently in my second yr, and so in a house, its ok but i moved in with basically my only friends, so i never see anyone really outside the house, and any one i do see are friends of my housemates...

...anyway, basically a few of them are going on placements next year and teh others are living with their other friends......what am i supposed to do?? its possible that i may be able to live eith one of the others, but even then i dont know who we'd live with

i kept just thinking oh itll be fine, but now the more i think about it the more upset i get, im so worried ill have to just try and live with strangers, but what if we dont get on, or worse what if i dont find anywhere?

Reply 4

Reue

Sounds like boyfriend is best option

Reply 5

Angrybanana

Hey, i sympathise with your situation OP, and you WON'T be left with nowhere/no-one to live with don't worry. Although the idea living with strangers sounds scary, most uni students (bar a few exceptions like your flatmates) are nice enough people, and so many of them will be advertising for housemates. Have a chat with your uni accommodation dept, they should be able to advise you-maybe you can live in halls again next year? (that will also give you the chance to meet a new bunch of people) Meanwhile,casually suggest to your course friend that you meet up for a coffee or study sesh in the library, if you're shy about it it'll be easier to pretend that it's all about getting your work done. And think to yourself that the worst thing she could say is no (which i'm sure she won't), and even then you've lost nothing. Good luck, i'm sure you'll be fine :smile: