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Relationship has ruined a friendship I really valued

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Original post by ChickenMadness
Lol he doesnt care about you. If he did hed havr no problen with being your friend. Hes basicaly saying "keep sucking my dick or im gone"


You know what we haven't even had sex yet he is willing to wait until I'm ready and it's been months, I've stayed at his overnight and he has wanted certain things sexually but I've kept putting it off/not felt like it. This is where our incompatibility lies. We haven't even had sex properly but he said as long as I'm willing to eventually he is willing to wait. We are so different in our likes/dislikes though.
Original post by Anonymous
You know what we haven't even had sex yet he is willing to wait until I'm ready and it's been months, I've stayed at his overnight and he has wanted certain things sexually but I've kept putting it off/not felt like it. This is where our incompatibility lies. We haven't even had sex properly but he said as long as I'm willing to eventually he is willing to wait. We are so different in our likes/dislikes though.


For as long as you make every excuse under the sun for him the harder it is for people to advise you at this point I'm out he could have sex with twenty chicks behind your back and you'd still make excuses well we haven't had sex that irrelevant

At this point I can't help you i see a younger version of myself here and I didn't listen and trust me it didn't end well I can't help you until you wake up sorry to be harsh but it's the truth move on I won't sugar coat it he's treating you like **** and your letting him find your self respect and tell him to F off


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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by vickie89uk
I agree sad but sometimes you have to cut your losses and this may been one loss the OP has to accept.

Unfortunate but in a few months you'll realise that it was just petty he doesn't give a **** about you your a pawn in his game of chess


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We have been in a relationship/dating for 6 months though and still not had sex. It has caused conflict with us but he has still stayed with me and we have been spending weekends with each other/going out/hugging and all that but no proper sex (just half hearted attempts once or twice and me refusing) he said he is willing to wait al long as I'm willing to try and have sex eventually. He has been to the doctors with me to try and get a problem (of sex hurting) sorted. If a guy was using me would he really have stayed with me this long?
Original post by Anonymous
We have been in a relationship/dating for 6 months though and still not had sex. It has caused conflict with us but he has still stayed with me and we have been spending weekends with each other/going out/hugging and all that but no proper sex (just half hearted attempts once or twice and me refusing) he said he is willing to wait al long as I'm willing to try and have sex eventually. He has been to the doctors with me to try and get a problem (of sex hurting) sorted. If a guy was using me would he really have stayed with me this long?


Yep and my ex waited 9 months two years in found out he's been ****ing his ex behind my back but they'll deny that till their blue in the face stop allowing yourself to make excuses for him he's q nasty manipulator either run for the hills or continue to be treated like crap and trodden on harsh but sugar coating things doesn't work
He took you to the doctor because he wants you to have sex with him it's for his needs not to make it better for you and you say sex hurts how would you know if you haven't had sex yet

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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by vickie89uk
For as long as you make every excuse under the sun for him the harder it is for people to advise you at this point I'm out he could have sex with twenty chicks behind your back and you'd still make excuses well we haven't had sex that irrelevant

At this point I can't help you i see a younger version of myself here and I didn't listen and trust me it didn't end well I can't help you until you wake up sorry to be harsh but it's the truth move on I won't sugar coat it he's treating you like **** and your letting him find your self respect and tell him to F off


Posted from TSR Mobile


I'm certainly probably an inexperienced version of yourself but I'm not younger going off the age you said you were :/. But yea thanks for the input I am listening and I don't deny that there's possibly manipulation but the same could be said for me I mean he could think I'm using him for going for days out with. I'm trying my best to be open minded.
Original post by vickie89uk
Yep and my ex waited 9 months two years in found out he's been ****ing his ex behind my back but they'll deny that till their blue in the face stop allowing yourself to make excuses for him he's q nasty manipulator either run for the hills or continue to be treated like crap and trodden on harsh but sugar coating things doesn't work
He took you to the doctor because he wants you to have sex with him it's for his needs not to make it better for you and you say sex hurts how would you know if you haven't had sex yet

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Ok, well yea there is a possibility that he is doing that like with any man/woman. He certainly has the connections to be able to, I'd have a look on his phone I've felt like doing in the past but I respect his privacy lol. We have tried sex/not properly but he didn't get any benefit from it I had to stop him.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm certainly probably an inexperienced version of yourself but I'm not younger going off the age you said you were :/. But yea thanks for the input I am listening and I don't deny that there's possibly manipulation but the same could be said for me I mean he could think I'm using him for going for days out with. I'm trying my best to be open minded.


How old are you?! I've only slept with 2 men in my life both were like this now I find happiness in myself I don't need them

Being open minded won't fix the issue your not compatible and can't at this stage salvage a friendship that possibility has been missed you have to accept that this one isn't the one and isn't a friend and move on maybe in the future your paths will cross again and a friendship might be good then right now everything is all muddled up and it's far too raw walk away
Ps plenty of lube (find anal lube to be the best and preventing pain) will prevent pain a water based one

You tried sex so he hasn't been made to wait then has it, he could delete things of his phone I always say a woman's intuition is never wrong don't be played you seem lovely you deserve better
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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm certainly probably an inexperienced version of yourself but I'm not younger going off the age you said you were :/. But yea thanks for the input I am listening and I don't deny that there's possibly manipulation but the same could be said for me I mean he could think I'm using him for going for days out with. I'm trying my best to be open minded.


Trust hes manipulating you. Its similar to the nice guy tactic. They pretend to be ur friend and then try ti take it to relationship stage and then give you the ultinatum. If u wont be my girlfriend i wont be ur friend. Very selfish.and.just wants what he wants. If he legit liked and respected.you hed hsve no problem with being your friend. Hes just using it a sleaverage to keeo you there
Original post by ChickenMadness
Trust hes manipulating you. Its similar to the nice guy tactic. They pretend to be ur friend and then try ti take it to relationship stage and then give you the ultinatum. If u wont be my girlfriend i wont be ur friend. Very selfish.and.just wants what he wants. If he legit liked and respected.you hed hsve no problem with being your friend. Hes just using it a sleaverage to keeo you there


I agree with this op can't see it yet but op will one day
Yep ive experienced the nice guy tactic makes them a bigger nob in my red than the one that just uses you

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Original post by vickie89uk
How old are you?! I've only slept with 2 men in my life both were like this now I find happiness in myself I don't need them

Being open minded won't fix the issue your not compatible and can't at this stage salvage a friendship that possibility has been missed you have to accept that this one isn't the one and isn't a friend and move on maybe in the future your paths will cross again and a friendship might be good then right now everything is all muddled up and it's far too raw walk away
Ps plenty of lube (find anal lube to be the best and preventing pain) will prevent pain a water based one

You tried sex so he hasn't been made to wait then has it, he could delete things of his phone I always say a woman's intuition is never wrong don't be played you seem lovely you deserve better
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Was 27 in May but Im not as experienced/assertive as people younger than me, according to others (including my boyfriend.. yea I know maybe a bit of nastiness there). I suppose it doesn't help that I've always found it hard to form many friendships (even he said I've not got many friends) which is probably why I value his so much. Need to stop being so emotionally dependant on him (which is basically at the root of why I'm with him) but it's so hard. I honestly don't believe he is nasty at heart but of course I'm not denying that he's not manipulating or even cheating (though he's covering it amazingly well if he is as we are almost in constant contact).
Original post by ChickenMadness
Trust hes manipulating you. Its similar to the nice guy tactic. They pretend to be ur friend and then try ti take it to relationship stage and then give you the ultinatum. If u wont be my girlfriend i wont be ur friend. Very selfish.and.just wants what he wants. If he legit liked and respected.you hed hsve no problem with being your friend. Hes just using it a sleaverage to keeo you there


See it could be this I'm not denying it but I've known him for many years he has helped me in life lots of times without asking for a relationship in return. I hear guys say quite a lot that if they have feelings for a girl/woman and she won't be with him they would rather break all contact, I assumed this was what was going on for him. Are you saying that if a guy really cared that he would be friends even if he had feelings
Original post by Anonymous
Was 27 in May but Im not as experienced/assertive as people younger than me, according to others (including my boyfriend.. yea I know maybe a bit of nastiness there). I suppose it doesn't help that I've always found it hard to form many friendships (even he said I've not got many friends) which is probably why I value his so much. Need to stop being so emotionally dependant on him (which is basically at the root of why I'm with him) but it's so hard. I honestly don't believe he is nasty at heart but of course I'm not denying that he's not manipulating or even cheating (though he's covering it amazingly well if he is as we are almost in constant contact).


Everything you just said shows you were a perfect target for his mistreatment

First he knew you had few friends and maybe struggle to form friendships (I have 4 friends everyone else is an acquaintance there's a difference and you dont need friends you only need you) so he befriended you, then he helped you and treated you well and pretended to care then when he knew he had you where he wanted you he struck and manipulated you into going out with him and now wants you to drop your pants which you did regardless of whether you stopped you still had penetration that's sex now he knows your having doubts so is threatening to remove his friendship from your life knowing you don't have many friends and knowing that will be a scary prospect for you I used to see good in everyone people would say you have a heart of gold and wear your heart on your sleeve that was my downfall I was never nasty I always was nice even if you did me over I still had ya back now ive disowned half my family who only wanted my money and my so called friends were all shipped to the Isle of i couldn't give a rats bottom and ive never been happier

If you want a real friend get a cat they won't use you

Everything you said there proves he saw your vulnerability and used you


Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
See it could be this I'm not denying it but I've known him for many years he has helped me in life lots of times without asking for a relationship in return. I hear guys say quite a lot that if they have feelings for a girl/woman and she won't be with him they would rather break all contact, I assumed this was what was going on for him. Are you saying that if a guy really cared that he would be friends even if he had feelings


Yes I am saying that. If they would drop everything and cut you out of their life it means they really don't care about you that much and they're just after the relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
See it could be this I'm not denying it but I've known him for many years he has helped me in life lots of times without asking for a relationship in return. I hear guys say quite a lot that if they have feelings for a girl/woman and she won't be with him they would rather break all contact, I assumed this was what was going on for him. Are you saying that if a guy really cared that he would be friends even if he had feelings


Imagine never seeing someone you care about again how much that very thought hurts well it doesn't hurt or upset him which means he doesn't care I am harsh because ive been here myself he knows he is your world so he knows you'll do anything for him even if that means he still gets away with treating you like crud

He's a game player and a manipulator and probably is doing the same thing to other girls as well


Posted from TSR Mobile
Manipulative....what a load of *******s. Pretty long drawn out process to get someone into bed. Years and years.

Hes probably emotionally invested and doesn't want to get hurt. Last time I checked protecting yourself is not being manipulative.

Oh and vikki. Life experience? You've slept with two guys so proportionally you've not got much experience of dating or relationships. Just two that went badly. So that is your life experience? That's a total joke!

Anyhow don't quote me I'm down with this thread and all the man hating.

If the roles were reversed the guy would be told to man up and she would be praised.
Original post by vickie89uk
Everything you just said shows you were a perfect target for his mistreatment

First he knew you had few friends and maybe struggle to form friendships (I have 4 friends everyone else is an acquaintance there's a difference and you dont need friends you only need you) so he befriended you, then he helped you and treated you well and pretended to care then when he knew he had you where he wanted you he struck and manipulated you into going out with him and now wants you to drop your pants which you did regardless of whether you stopped you still had penetration that's sex now he knows your having doubts so is threatening to remove his friendship from your life knowing you don't have many friends and knowing that will be a scary prospect for you I used to see good in everyone people would say you have a heart of gold and wear your heart on your sleeve that was my downfall I was never nasty I always was nice even if you did me over I still had ya back now ive disowned half my family who only wanted my money and my so called friends were all shipped to the Isle of i couldn't give a rats bottom and ive never been happier

If you want a real friend get a cat they won't use you

Everything you said there proves he saw your vulnerability and used you

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I will take on board what you are saying. I feel like going through his phone now when he's not looking ha, I won't though it most likely wouldn't prove much either way. It's really so much simpler just being on my own as I have been most of my life, he says he is worried about me becoming an old spinster and that he sees old women on the street muttering to themselves because they have no partner/company and he doesn't want that for me lol but it's probably their husbands that made them like that! I can't see the relationship lasting, his brother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer so I'm trying to support him at the minute rather than being up relationship issues but yea I could do with working on this emotional dependant feeling I'll sort it eventually. Glad you were able to sort your life out and weed out the harmful people. Cats are good but I have pet rats instead lol, it surprised me how friendly they are with each other they never fight in fact they have better social skills than people, getting any more when they are gone though too much cleaning out!
Original post by Sam Walters
Manipulative....what a load of *******s. Pretty long drawn out process to get someone into bed. Years and years.

Hes probably emotionally invested and doesn't want to get hurt. Last time I checked protecting yourself is not being manipulative.

Oh and vikki. Life experience? You've slept with two guys so proportionally you've not got much experience of dating or relationships. Just two that went badly. So that is your life experience? That's a total joke!

Anyhow don't quote me I'm down with this thread and all the man hating.

If the roles were reversed the guy would be told to man up and she would be praised.


Bitch please address me when you can spell my name correctly yeah

I've slept with two men (not people) but ive dated more and also I have what's called a twin sister and ive watched it happen from a far.

No if the role was reversed shed be a bitch and he'd be told to run


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Original post by Anonymous
I will take on board what you are saying. I feel like going through his phone now when he's not looking ha, I won't though it most likely wouldn't prove much either way. It's really so much simpler just being on my own as I have been most of my life, he says he is worried about me becoming an old spinster and that he sees old women on the street muttering to themselves because they have no partner/company and he doesn't want that for me lol but it's probably their husbands that made them like that! I can't see the relationship lasting, his brother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer so I'm trying to support him at the minute rather than being up relationship issues but yea I could do with working on this emotional dependant feeling I'll sort it eventually. Glad you were able to sort your life out and weed out the harmful people. Cats are good but I have pet rats instead lol, it surprised me how friendly they are with each other they never fight in fact they have better social skills than people, getting any more when they are gone though too much cleaning out!


Oh my goodness me I can't even respond reasonably he says about wines muttering to themselves they probably have the start of dementia and are confused that's a load of ****


Look I can't respond anymore because you just make excuses when you find the strength to move on let us know who was right

Goodluck your gonna need it


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Original post by Anonymous
You know what we haven't even had sex yet he is willing to wait until I'm ready and it's been months, I've stayed at his overnight and he has wanted certain things sexually but I've kept putting it off/not felt like it. This is where our incompatibility lies. We haven't even had sex properly but he said as long as I'm willing to eventually he is willing to wait. We are so different in our likes/dislikes though.


Your incompatibility lies in the fact that he wants sex and you don't? Then you can't have ever been that attracted to him, can you? Lmao at other people in this thread making this guy out to be a heartless player, this guy sounds like a total pushover. It's more than possible that over the course of their friendship, the guy slowly started to develop feelings towards OP, as opposed to knowing from the get go that he was going to pull the 'be in a relationship with me or we can't be friends anymore' maneuver. And let me tell you from my own experiences, being attracted to a girl that wants to be 'just friends' is painful and is best resolved by losing contact, because being with that person is a constant reminder that she does not deem you enough of a man to want to ****.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by InternetGangster
Your incompatibility lies in the fact that he wants sex and you don't? Then you can't have ever been that attracted to him, can you? Lmao at other people in this thread making this guy out to be a heartless player, this guy sounds like a total pushover. It's more than possible that over the course of their friendship, the guy slowly started to develop feelings towards OP, as opposed to knowing from the get go that he was going to pull the 'be in a relationship with me or we can't be friends anymore' maneuver. And let me tell you from my own experiences, being attracted to a girl that wants to be 'just friends' is painful and is best resolved by losing contact, because being with that person is a constant reminder that she does not deem you enough of a man to want to ****.


Women, at least not me, don't think like that, we don't think 'oh he's not enough of a man to ****'. It's like if a guy turned me down I wouldn't think 'I'm not enough of a woman for him to want to **** me'.

I get the bit about staying friends with a girl you are attracted to is painful but imo if anything makes someone 'more of a man' it's this as it means he can handle/control his emotions. I've been guilty of the same thing though, Ive not manned up either. Although I didn't really want a relationship and I told him from the start I went into one with him out of fear of losing him completely when I should have accepted he didn't want me as a friend, although Deep down I felt it unfair that just because of my gender I couldn't have him as a friend. Just because I don't want sex with someone doesn't mean I'm not attracted to them, for one sex does nothing for me and also he has had that many women/was reluctant to get tested I was scared of catching something

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