Why does my girlfriend never text me?

I know it's a childish thing to be upset about, but I'm in my first real relationship and under the weight of being treated for depression and numerous insecurities, I'm struggling with things like these. We're both at uni, and have been together for about 4 months. Whenever we've gone back home during the holidays, I'll often send her text to ask how her day is going, because she's on my mind. I've literally never received a message like that from her, and it makes me wonder whether she's thinking of me at all when we're apart.
She seems to think it's a serious relationship (as do I) and often discusses things that imply that we'll be together in years time. Other times, she's literally said that she thinks we'll always be together. This just confuses me even more. How can she imply these things when she seems to completely forget about me when we're apart?
I also know that she disagrees with gender norms in relationships and often insists on paying for things because she disagrees with the idea that it is the males responsibility to pay, so I can't put this down to thinking that it's the guys job to text first.
Is this all in my head, or does this seem like a reasonable thing to be upset by?

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Reply 1

jlawson118

I'm currently going through the same kind of issue so it's great knowing I'm not alone out there with a similar situation.

If anything, this is my first relationship too. I've had them before but I was childish and in high school and back then they don't really mean anything, I've recently got with a girl who first messaged me on Facebook and would message me all the time and put so much effort into talking and we'd talk everyday. She'd even get agitated if I didn't reply because she used to send me another message saying"talk!" Or something like that.

We started hanging out and even decided to make it official and I've noticed she's gone quiet on me lately. She rarely asks me how I am or things these days. After so long she'll talk and then just stop replying and even just send me one word answers sometimes.

Although the way I see it is that I guess you guys don't have to talk 24/7 but effort still should be made. I said to my friend earlier that I don't mind it too much if she puts some effort in and then suddenly stops talking because she may have other things to do or doesn't want conversation to die out too much from talking all of the time, what annoys me more is the one word answers and things really.

She's spoke to me today because she knew I was getting the results of one of my courses and asked me how I did, I told her and we talked for a bit and then she went again.

But I've got bad anxiety and I've been insecure about this relationship from the beginning because she's amazing and I can't understand what she sees in me. So I can imagine exactly what you're going through with the depression stages.

It sounds to me that your girlfriend could just perhaps be slightly busy and doesn't always have the time, but I don't think you're childish. With your depression and stuff you probably feel like you have to rely on her to make you feel s little happier now and probably feel like your world would crumble down if you lost her. Forgive me if I'm wrong there but that's how I feel with my girlfriend. If she's talking about future commitments then it sounds like she is interested, she might just not be much of a texter.

Best of luck! And feel free to reply to me on here or message me if you want to talk through it a bit more

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

puddingbot

If you guys are both committed and in it for the long haul, why not bring it up with her? You don't have to make it a huge thing or sound accusatory, but let her know you'd like a little more communication when you're apart. Some people aren't big texters, everyone gets busy sometimes, but if it's really really bothering you then you might as well talk about it :smile:

Reply 3

Brian Moser

Original post by jlawson118

It sounds to me that your girlfriend could just perhaps be slightly busy and doesn't always have the time, but I don't think you're childish. With your depression and stuff you probably feel like you have to rely on her to make you feel s little happier now and probably feel like your world would crumble down if you lost her. Forgive me if I'm wrong there but that's how I feel with my girlfriend. If she's talking about future commitments then it sounds like she is interested, she might just not be much of a texter.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm so scared of losing her that I struggle to enjoy being with her.

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Reply 4

Brian Moser

Original post by puddingbot

It's more a matter of feeling like she's thinking of me. If she's texting me purely because I've told her it matters to me, it's not a solution.

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Reply 5

Papi El Jalanito

dump her

obviously doesnt care

you could be sick or in danger and shes not checkin to find out....

Reply 6

puddingbot

Original post by Brian Moser

It's more a matter of feeling like she's thinking of me. If she's texting me purely because I've told her it matters to me, it's not a solution.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I'm not sure what to tell you then OP, if you don't let her know it's upsetting you then she won't know :frown:

She might think of you tons of times throughout the day but not necessarily realise that you'd like to be reassured/contacted first. It's like that "languages of love" thing.

Reply 7

phunky_fresh

Firstly you need to let her know how you are feeling. Also have you tried not texting her to see if she initates?

Reply 8

VotreAltesse

I think the main reason why she doesn't reach out to you is probably because she knows that you'll contact her at some point anyway.

If you want to find out how invested she is in the relationship you should wait until she contacts you.

For me a girl should be doing 80% of the contact. At the moment you're doing 100% which means you're doing all the chasing.

The more you chase, the more you'll push her away.

If you stop contacting her completely she'll either not contact you again (unlikely) or she'll get worried and contact you (likely).

When she does assume she wants to meet and organise a fun date.