Going to university with my boyfriend?

We will have been together 2 years by the time I go to uni.
He wants to come with me and live with me, although he will be working.
I would love to move in with him however I feel that it might not be practical for him to live in student halls with me, or try and afford a flat close by.
Would I be missing out on social events? Will it put a strain on our relationship if I'm always studying or out with new people?

What do you guys think is the best thing to do?

(p.s. I don't want to try long distance)

Reply 1

claireestelle

between the two of you, you could probably save money having a flat off campus. we pay £50 a week each, the cheapest halls are £75 round here.
I think you should go for it, you ll only miss out on social events if you decide to miss out. As long as you make time for each other there shouldn't be any strain on the relationship, if anything living together could improve your relationship especially considering you ve been together 2 years already. Would you want to be waiting another year to move in (or move) is the question that really needs answering here i think

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

username1042689

I know how you feel but from a different perspective - I'll have been with mine for 18 months come uni, and we're going to different unis at different ends of the country. Long distance is going to be hard as hell and if you can stay in close proximity that's awesome. It will affect your social life as much as you let it; obviously you're going to want to have couple time but when he's working and you're studying full time then you're going to need to be clear on boundaries and how you plan your time, e.g. set aside a couple of nights a week for couple time. You have to remain communicative; fact is if he gets pissed/jealous over you going out with uni friends then there are some deeper seated problems in the relationship. If you guys can get an affordable flat close to uni then that's fantastic, but you have to remember that you are there to study and enjoy your time at uni and regrettably there is a realistic chance that you guys might break up at some point in the next three years (not saying this to be a downer, and plenty of uni couples do last through uni, but it's still true). So by all means move in together if it's feasible but make sure you also develop a life at uni outside of him, because I've known people not develop a social life in their first year at uni due to their SO and then they break up and the person is left isolated.

Reply 3

dragonkeeper999

Are you very outgoing people? If you're the type who are happy to socialise (preferably separately at least some of the time...) and make friends through extracurricular activities then living out of halls shouldn't be too much of a problem. However, bear in mind that moving in together for the year is quite a commitment - what happens if you split up part way though? How will you cope when exams are approaching and you are arguing over who is doing the cleaning? Sometimes it's good to have your own space too :smile:

It is quite possible that your study and his work commitments will put some strain on your relationship - although whether or not that is more strain than going long distance is hard to say. One possibility is him getting a flat and you staying in halls nearby? Would obviously be a more expensive option, but would give you the social life of halls and your own space, while still being able to visit him often.

It probably won't be possible for him to move into halls with you - most only offer single rooms, and will probably have somewhere in your contract something about guests not staying more than a couple of nights at a time.

Reply 4

wildrover

It's a ridiculous idea, you will end up resenting him for limiting your university experience.

Reply 5

Zarek

I think it depends how independent minded you are and how committed to the future of the relationship. I can envisage university life putting a lot of strain on a relationship. My instinct would be that unless you are really ready and enthusiastic to live together it would be best to opt for living apart But this could still involve visiting each other regularly and sharing the fun of your different lives and locations. I had a weekend relationship with my long term Gf for the first couple of years we were together. Sunday's were hell but Friday's were joy. And of course there are long holidays at uni. Good luck.

Reply 6

username1469511

hey, I might be able to offer a different perspective. Sounds like you've got a good thing going.. However you don't want living with him to put a strain on your relationship/work. In my experience, not living in halls means that you do miss out. in halls, you meet your flat mates, and then people always come over to your flat so you end up meeting a bunch of people and you didn't even have to leave your flat. There are also flat parties and building parties, where you get to meet loads of other people from the same building that aren't on your course, and you wouldn't have met otherwise. Living off campus means that already you're limiting your circle. Yes you'll meet people on your course and at societies. However, lectures aren't like lessons, It's harder to strike up a conversation with people. So you'll really have to make an effort. Similarly with events, and going out, depends on how close you can live to your uni. In first year I had a friend that lived off campus first year, she regularly had to meet us up later as her place was on the other side of the town, plus whenever we arranged to meet at clubs she would have to come with her friends at a different times as she couldn't walk in the dark alone. Plus we rarely saw her as it's hard to find people in a club.

In addition, you don't want to end up having a fight with your boyfriend and not wanting to go home. If you have your separate room and he lives really close to the uni, then both of you will have your space to go. Otherwise it can get a bit crowded, and awkward if your relationship is ever on the rocks. So, yet my advice would be to go to halls and him finding a place nearby, that way you can go there in your time together and be together, but you still both of you have your seperate space to be. :smile:

Reply 7

tashag93

Honestly, I wouldn't recommend living together at Uni.

If you don't live on campus, it can be really difficult to make friends at uni. You meet people within your flat, and going out as a group allows you the chance to socialise. In lectures and seminars, as someone said earlier, it's really difficult to strike up conversations and friendships with people. If you're the type of person who doesn't enjoy going out or socialising in large groups, living with a boyfriend could be doable. However, if you want to make friends early on in freshers week before lectures even start, I'd say stay in halls. I met some of my best friends at Uni, one of them being my flatmate. All my friends were doing different courses to me so it's very likely that I would never have met them unless we were living together.

Me and my boyfriend saw each other at weekends and as much as I hated sunday coming round, it allowed for me to make the most of the weekends because we'd be spending the week apart. Equally, I liked going to the cinema and cooking meals together with my flatmates during the week and spending time with friends. The university holidays were so long anyway, it wouldn't be long before I was back home for weeks on end again.

I'm only saying this because some people did do the thing where their boyfriend would live with them, even though they weren't a student, and it was sometimes hard for them to get the balance right. Student nights are weeknights. If you was to go out, it's highly likely that your partner wouldn't want to go out due to work the next morning. I found having that space during the week to do the whole 'student' things, and spending time with my boyfriend at the weekends is what made my particular relationship work. I would definitely have ended up resenting him for making me feel guilty about spending time with friends during the week if we were to have lived together.

Hope this helps.

Reply 8

BlueSheep32

Can I just ask why you don't want to try long distance? I don't think that's the best reason to move in together. Being in an LDR myself for at least another year I appreciate how difficult it is, but IMO long distance works if the relationship is meant to be, and if the distance puts enough of a strain on your relationship to end it, then to me that's a sign it wasn't meant to be. You definitely need to have an idea of when it's going to end, but you never know if it will work until you try it. It depends entirely on the couple.

I've experienced all three of (almost) living with my boyfriend, living a 20 minute walk apart, and being long distance whilst being at uni. The first one worked when we'd just got together and were still in the 'honeymoon' stage but later on sometimes he wanted more space (I was very isolated at the time as all my friends had gone home so I only had him). The second was a happy medium between the two, but even though I've missed him being around this year at uni, I've felt like because we only see each other at the weekends rather than for a few hours a few evenings a week it feels like we spend more time together. It motivates me to get everything done during the week so I can have a stress-free weekend with him, and it means I end up doing more with my friends too. I wouldn't recommend starting uni living with him, maybe you could move in together in your second or final year? I agree that it only limits your social life as much as you let it, but it still might be more difficult to get out and meet people if you're not living with other first years. Remember too that if you did break up (not that I'm saying it will happen, but you have to bear it in mind as a possibility), most housing contracts are fixed term for a year so you would still have to go on living with him.