If I tell him I am Asian, will he be put off me?
I met this guy online, we are the same age and we have been talking online everyday. He has seen pictures of me too. We like each other so much more than friends, I tell him everything and he tells me to, we're really in love with each other at the moment. I think he assumes I'm white because I look white and not Asian and my name is one that could be English too. I'm just scared to tell him I'm not white, I'm south Asian.
I know this sounds stupid but I read on another thread someone saying 'I would never date a Muslim' or 'I'd never be with an Asian girl' and I really don't want to lose him but I can't hide who I am. What do I do? Would YOU be bothered by this if you were the guy? We've never really talked about religion, race etc so I could never bring it into the conversation.
I know this sounds stupid but I read on another thread someone saying 'I would never date a Muslim' or 'I'd never be with an Asian girl' and I really don't want to lose him but I can't hide who I am. What do I do? Would YOU be bothered by this if you were the guy? We've never really talked about religion, race etc so I could never bring it into the conversation.
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I know exactly exactly exactly how you feel 
People assume I'm white online too until I share my real name, I know exactly how you feel. I guess if things are going well he wont really care, but I do get you
People assume I'm white online too until I share my real name, I know exactly how you feel. I guess if things are going well he wont really care, but I do get you 
You should tell him yourself before it is too late. You don't want him to think you have been lying to him or keeping him away from the truth.Hopefully nothing bad will happen if he truly likes you for who you are and he is not worried about ethnicity and whatever problem comes with different ethnicities.
Original post by arfah
It shouldn't matter? It he likes you already I doubt he'll fuss about your race.
I really hope so because I love him to pieces and he tells me how much he loves me too. He has never given me any reason to think he wouldn't accept me for who I am, I just got paranoid when I started reading some of the responses to some of threads on this site.
it depends on the individual. for me race doesn't matter, religion does. ive already dated a muslim girl and id never do it again. too many religious differences. when I researched islam after being with her for a month, then that confirmed my decision.
Original post by Soyeb
You should tell him yourself before it is too late. You don't want him to think you have been lying to him or keeping him away from the truth.Hopefully nothing bad will happen if he truly likes you for who you are and he is not worried about ethnicity and whatever problem comes with different ethnicities.
This is what I was afraid of. I've been friends with him for a long time, but only recently did we say we had feelings for each other. I haven't lied to him, my race or religion has just never been brought up, so I didn't randomly tell him I was Muslim and Asian. This is basically the peak of our relationship I suppose because right now he is all excited, so should I tell him tomorrow or something? Or should I wait until we get a bit closer emotionally and one day say 'so what do you believe?', then tell him seriously then?
Dont worry about what people say on here.
Your situation is very different. And as you said he hasn't made it sound as if he would have a problem with your ethnicity.
Also if he doesn't seem worried or put off tell him we will get through whatever problems they would come towards you too. He would only be put off by the fact if stereotypical views of Asians but if you assure him then there won't be any problems
Your situation is very different. And as you said he hasn't made it sound as if he would have a problem with your ethnicity.
Also if he doesn't seem worried or put off tell him we will get through whatever problems they would come towards you too. He would only be put off by the fact if stereotypical views of Asians but if you assure him then there won't be any problems
Maybe work it into a conversation as casually as possible? Like say something along the lines 'my blah blah did this the other day, asian families eh?' while rolling your eyes.
Race shouldn't be an issue if he truly cares about you. And if he gets put dad by it, he really isn't worth caring about x
Race shouldn't be an issue if he truly cares about you. And if he gets put dad by it, he really isn't worth caring about x
That is up to you for decide.
But the more longer you take in telling him I think the more problematic it would become.
Personally I would wish for truth to be told earlier. However when the relationship gets a little more serious and emotional there is a more chance of him not wanting to lose you.
There is risks both ways.
If you tell him sooner then you should ask him have you never wondered what religion I am or what my ethnicity is or something along those lines
But the more longer you take in telling him I think the more problematic it would become.
Personally I would wish for truth to be told earlier. However when the relationship gets a little more serious and emotional there is a more chance of him not wanting to lose you.
There is risks both ways.
If you tell him sooner then you should ask him have you never wondered what religion I am or what my ethnicity is or something along those lines
Original post by Soyeb
Dont worry about what people say on here.
Your situation is very different. And as you said he hasn't made it sound as if he would have a problem with your ethnicity.
Also if he doesn't seem worried or put off tell him we will get through whatever problems they would come towards you too. He would only be put off by the fact if stereotypical views of Asians but if you assure him then there won't be any problems
Your situation is very different. And as you said he hasn't made it sound as if he would have a problem with your ethnicity.
Also if he doesn't seem worried or put off tell him we will get through whatever problems they would come towards you too. He would only be put off by the fact if stereotypical views of Asians but if you assure him then there won't be any problems
Thank you so much. I posted something like this the other day and I got so many people calling me things like 'traitor', and other responses saying they'd never go near a female Muslim and it just made me so anxious. My best friend is also an Asian Muslim, the guy she is seeing is also white, at first he was really shocked when she told him she was Muslim, he got over that in a matter of minutes and just said it was unexpected, and it made him love her that much more, they're still together and more in love than ever so I'm just hoping for that I suppose.
If you don't want to ask outright, maybe drop it harmlessly into the conversation by discussing where relatives were born, or something else about your family history? Ever visited relatives in your ancestral homeland? It could be dropped into a chat about holidays or places you'd like to visit.
Religious incompatibility tends to be a far bigger issue than race; are you strongly religious or just culturally so?
Religious incompatibility tends to be a far bigger issue than race; are you strongly religious or just culturally so?
Original post by Soyeb
That is up to you for decide.
But the more longer you take in telling him I think the more problematic it would become.
Personally I would wish for truth to be told earlier. However when the relationship gets a little more serious and emotional there is a more chance of him not wanting to lose you.
There is risks both ways.
If you tell him sooner then you should ask him have you never wondered what religion I am or what my ethnicity is or something along those lines
But the more longer you take in telling him I think the more problematic it would become.
Personally I would wish for truth to be told earlier. However when the relationship gets a little more serious and emotional there is a more chance of him not wanting to lose you.
There is risks both ways.
If you tell him sooner then you should ask him have you never wondered what religion I am or what my ethnicity is or something along those lines
I met him online a year ago, we both expected our friendship to last a week, a month at the most but here we are over a year later, talking to each other everyday about families, friends etc. I didn't think I'd get this close to him so I didn't really feel like I had to even disclose this sort of information, but now it is too significant to not talk about. He has wanted me romantically for a year now, I rejected his advances, until very recently when I reciprocated his feelings. He is so over the moon right now that he finally got the girl the relationship he always wanted, I don't think he'd be willing to let all of this go easily or at least I hope not. I'm going to do what you said about the 'have you never wondered.. etc' that is a really perfect, mature way of going about it. Thank you so much.
Original post by russellsteapot
If you don't want to ask outright, maybe drop it harmlessly into the conversation by discussing where relatives were born, or something else about your family history? Ever visited relatives in your ancestral homeland? It could be dropped into a chat about holidays or places you'd like to visit.
Religious incompatibility tends to be a far bigger issue than race; are you strongly religious or just culturally so?
Religious incompatibility tends to be a far bigger issue than race; are you strongly religious or just culturally so?
I'm not strongly religious, I'm agnostic personally, but I was raised Muslim and my family are Muslim, I don't dress religiously etc, regular dress/tights or whatever. I honestly don't mind what he believes in, whether he is Christian or Atheist, his skin colour.. NONE of these things would ever put me off him so if these things put him off me, it would be even more hurtful but I'd understand.
Original post by Olivia9
Race tends not to be an issue, religion more so. Which is why I think religion should not exist. Which religion are you?
Islam. Yes, I know.. issues.
Alot of people in this thread are lying to yoy just to make you feel better. If he doesnt like the cultural differences ascociated with your ethnicity and religion then he can easily be put off and cut contact with you. Its online afterall it only takes a few clicks.
It would definitely be harder for him to leave if you developped the relationship more. But thats manipulative. Just depends what his attitudes are.
It would definitely be harder for him to leave if you developped the relationship more. But thats manipulative. Just depends what his attitudes are.
Original post by RainbowKiwi
Maybe work it into a conversation as casually as possible? Like say something along the lines 'my blah blah did this the other day, asian families eh?' while rolling your eyes.
Race shouldn't be an issue if he truly cares about you. And if he gets put dad by it, he really isn't worth caring about x
Race shouldn't be an issue if he truly cares about you. And if he gets put dad by it, he really isn't worth caring about x
I'm going to have a serious conversation with him about all of this in about a day or two, I'm going to do what the other user suggested as in 'have you never wondered what ethnicity or religion I am?', It's quite strange I suppose that we've been talking for so long now but we just forgot to talk about that subject. His race or religion would not matter to me, because I'd like to think we'd able to get through whatever challenges there may be, so I hope that he'll feel the same, if not.. it's better I found out sooner rather than later.
Original post by Anonymous
Islam. Yes, I know.. issues.
Well good luck with that. And how can you be in love with someone if you just know them from online and seen a few pictures?
Original post by ChickenMadness
Alot of people in this thread are lying to yoy just to make you feel better. If he doesnt like the cultural differences ascociated with your ethnicity and religion then he can easily be put off and cut contact with you. Its online afterall it only takes a few clicks.
It would definitely be harder for him to leave if you developped the relationship more. But thats manipulative. Just depends what his attitudes are.
It would definitely be harder for him to leave if you developped the relationship more. But thats manipulative. Just depends what his attitudes are.
I mean he does seem really open minded. One time my friend mentioned she was a lesbian and sometimes got attitude for it, he got quite angry at the insults this girl was receiving for her sexuality and said it shouldn't matter whats sexuality somebody is, and how they should be treated equally. He seems to be a very accepting person so it would seem quite out of character for him to dump me over my race and religion, although I DO understand why he would.
Our relationship has already developed from friendship, I don't know he says things like he can't stand the thought of losing me and can't resist not talking to me for longer than a day. If he just lost me permanently because he didn't like my religion, I'm sure it would affect him as negatively as it would affect me.
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