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long distance relationship anxiety

*please no mean replies*

I'm in a long distance relationship and I love my boyfriend so much. However I've recently been finding the whole distance thing is making me so anxious. We only speak by text (I've asked to skype him since he moved but he never suggests it and I don't want to feel like I'm pushing the matter). I have anxiety and it's made worse by my constant checking my phone to see if he's replied. Sending too many snapchats, feeling sad when he opens them and doesn't respond. He's far more nonchalant and doesn't always reply, and when he does it's after a few hours. It's nothing personal, it's just how he is. I'm much more highly strung.
Am I too dependent on him? How do I stop being so? Honestly I've tried being relaxed about it but I just feel like I'm driving forward every conversation because I want to talk to him, but it's so draining (I think for both of us, otherwise he would make more of an effort).
He's the most amazing person; so understanding of how I am. However I can't force him to change. I just had a big meltdown because I hate being so high maintenance and I'm wondering if taking a break would make it better? What should I do?
Just relax! :smile:

This can only work if you're normal with him. If you keep being pushy like this then it won't end well because he'll just think that you're being too clingy and awkward. My advice is that you should maintain contact with him like you would with a close friend.
(edited 8 years ago)
hey! sorry to hear you're having troubles:frown: although i'm not in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, i went through the exact same thing! can i ask how long you've been seeing each other? and how often you see each other in person?

anyway, i had the same problem with my boyfriend about a year ago. he'd often forget to reply to my texts and he didn't like phone calls or skyping very much and i would find it so so frustrating!! however things started to get better in the summer when i saw him more and we could completely relax and we got to know each other inside out pretty much and things seemed to pick up quite significantly! i think because you're in a long distance relationship you could perhaps remind him how important contact is? and maybe that'll make him realise how anxious it makes you!

hope things work out :smile:
Reply 3
Original post by hellojeano
hey! sorry to hear you're having troubles:frown: although i'm not in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, i went through the exact same thing! can i ask how long you've been seeing each other? and how often you see each other in person?

anyway, i had the same problem with my boyfriend about a year ago. he'd often forget to reply to my texts and he didn't like phone calls or skyping very much and i would find it so so frustrating!! however things started to get better in the summer when i saw him more and we could completely relax and we got to know each other inside out pretty much and things seemed to pick up quite significantly! i think because you're in a long distance relationship you could perhaps remind him how important contact is? and maybe that'll make him realise how anxious it makes you!

hope things work out :smile:

Yeah, thanks :smile: We haven't been together that long really, and I don't think he understands how neurotic I am because I'm scared to show him and scare him away.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, thanks :smile: We haven't been together that long really, and I don't think he understands how neurotic I am because I'm scared to show him and scare him away.


i know how you feel! i have anxiety and i was afraid to tell my boyfriend for ages because i didn't want him to think i was crazy haha, but you just kind of find the right time :smile:
Reply 5
Good luck, sweetie x
Reply 6
Original post by hellojeano
i know how you feel! i have anxiety and i was afraid to tell my boyfriend for ages because i didn't want him to think i was crazy haha, but you just kind of find the right time :smile:

I guess... I'm going to try and go cold turkey for a day tomorrow, no messaging him. Just to prove to myself it's not that bad. It'll also give me a chance to catch up with some friends without distractions :smile: does that sound like a good idea??
Original post by Anonymous
I guess... I'm going to try and go cold turkey for a day tomorrow, no messaging him. Just to prove to myself it's not that bad. It'll also give me a chance to catch up with some friends without distractions :smile: does that sound like a good idea??


yeah it's always worth a try! you never know he might end up messaging you :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by hellojeano
yeah it's always worth a try! you never know he might end up messaging you :smile:


He probably will. I might just reply as if I'm him (i.e. very taciturn) :lol:
Original post by Anonymous
He probably will. I might just reply as if I'm him (i.e. very taciturn) :lol:


haha although try not to sound like you're mad at him! what i used to do is like make a joke or something about how blunt his texts were and now he makes more of an effort!
Original post by hellojeano
haha although try not to sound like you're mad at him! what i used to do is like make a joke or something about how blunt his texts were and now he makes more of an effort!


omg that's a good idea! Because he honestly doesn't mean it. My ex used to do the taciturn thing to spite me. He was a dick ahah:colondollar: but I think I lot of guys are like that- just more chill
Original post by Anonymous
omg that's a good idea! Because he honestly doesn't mean it. My ex used to do the taciturn thing to spite me. He was a dick ahah:colondollar: but I think I lot of guys are like that- just more chill


yeah i've noticed most guys are really blunt messagers! which makes things harder for us highly strung types haha
Original post by hellojeano
yeah i've noticed most guys are really blunt messagers! which makes things harder for us highly strung types haha


Ahh you're so right! What I wouldn't give to know what's going through their heads...
and also just don't make an effort to keep a conversation going. Makes me feel like I'm interrogating him sometimes ngl :colondollar: I should really stop haha
Original post by Anonymous
Ahh you're so right! What I wouldn't give to know what's going through their heads...
and also just don't make an effort to keep a conversation going. Makes me feel like I'm interrogating him sometimes ngl :colondollar: I should really stop haha


yeah it's so weird!
Original post by hellojeano
yeah it's so weird!


you're really nice ! Thanks for replying to my thread :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
you're really nice ! Thanks for replying to my thread :smile:


thank you, likewise! i hope everything works out :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, thanks :smile: We haven't been together that long really, and I don't think he understands how neurotic I am because I'm scared to show him and scare him away.


I think I can understand how you're feeling, particularly with worrying about showing how neurotic you are! I'd say 'be yourself etc' but with that, I liked to try and keep it away as much as possible, though inevitably it comes out eventually....

I know you don't want to seem clingy, and that you haven't been together for long, but of course the answer is the usual 'talk to them'. It's silly that you put yourself through such concern when you can just talk to him about it. He doesn't really use Skype, it seems that he's not in the habit of using it, so encourage him to because it makes it easier for you to talk so you'll feel closer. Unless you ask him every second why he's not on Skype, doing that won't be too much. If it bothers you that he ignores your texts or takes forever to reply then ask him why he does it. If it's not something he's going to change then at least you know the reason, and you can remember that rather than checking your phone frantically.
Original post by sliceofcake
I think I can understand how you're feeling, particularly with worrying about showing how neurotic you are! I'd say 'be yourself etc' but with that, I liked to try and keep it away as much as possible, though inevitably it comes out eventually....

I know you don't want to seem clingy, and that you haven't been together for long, but of course the answer is the usual 'talk to them'. It's silly that you put yourself through such concern when you can just talk to him about it. He doesn't really use Skype, it seems that he's not in the habit of using it, so encourage him to because it makes it easier for you to talk so you'll feel closer. Unless you ask him every second why he's not on Skype, doing that won't be too much. If it bothers you that he ignores your texts or takes forever to reply then ask him why he does it. If it's not something he's going to change then at least you know the reason, and you can remember that rather than checking your phone frantically.


Yeah I guess youre right, thanks :smile: thing is, he has perfectly valid reasons most of the time. He works erratic hours and often won't reply because of that for ages. I'm just a crazy lovelorn neurotic girl I guess... :L
hey chickadee ^^
you shouldn't be nervous I'm also in a LDR and we finally met back in June Patience truly is key,
we've now been dating over a year and i am planning to move to his in America when i graduate here in 4 years time but each year we're taking it in turns this year i went to America next he is coming to the UK and we're doing Disneyland just being there is a main factor however not skyping would bug me as me and mine skype every night ><

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