I don't even know anymore
For the past couple of months my mind has just collapsed. I can't be motivated for anything and I don't even know what I want from life anymore. This all started from A-levels, I stressed and struggled and worked quite hard for my A-levels. I've been suffering from depression ever since post Halloween last year, My friends I'm pretty sure do not care about me and neither do my Family. They constantly moan and shout instructions at me to do things and constantly annoy em and this has been going on for ages. I don't even think my existence is valued anymore, like if I was to vanish nobody would notice. I feel so alone and I honestly don't know what to do. I do get invited out to social gatherings quite a lot but I don't feel like I belong there or that I'm actually wanted there. I've always seen myself in the future to be able to change the world and do something good, but I don't know how I'm supposed to even live that long while feeling like absolute garbage. I don't know what I want to do when I'm older, I have absolutely no clue, My dads told me about dentistry but I'm not sure whether or not my heart would be in it? This whole year has been a shambles from getting my heart ripped to shreds, doing UKCAT revision where my mind isn't even in a stable place right now for it to be able to function. I honestly tell myself things will change but they never do, I've been telling myself the same old story for the past year and nothings changed. The only reason I'm still contemplating living is the emotional trauma my family would face and my hopeless dream of being a footballer, we all know that sin't happening because I'm not good enough and I'm also brown. There's just so much pressure and pain, that I'm pretty sure if I was dead wouldn't even be there. I can't even make myself happy anymore, I only get glimpses of it and then it's all back to me being angry and depressed again.
You say that you keep telling yourself that things will change, but they never do......if you want change sometimes you have to grab the bull by the balls and bring the change yourself.
From what you've described it does sound a lot like depression; lack of motivation, suicidal feelings, feeling low, difficulty with working. For some people, depression is transient and needs no treatment, for others it's more serious and action needs to be taken. Have you thought about seeing your GP for this? You could try medication or talking therapies and you may find that one/both helps you feel better. If you don't want to go to your GP yet (though I'd advise you do), you could check out MoodGym - it's an online CBT course.
As for what to do with your future, it can be a difficult decision for some people. I'd say not to rush things, the last thing you want to do is rush into a dentistry degree because it's what your parents rather than you want. There would be a lot of debt and if you don't enjoy your course university can be extra difficult - not to mention your current problems with depression. Maybe you could look around and see if there's any volunteer positions you could try out to get a taste of various different things? I don't know if you can access this but when I was at school I did a questionnaire which asked about skills/interests/etc and matched me up with careers that might suit me - I don't know where you'd go for that (job centre?), maybe someone else can help you better....?
Anyway, basically: don't give up, seek help for your depression, there is treatment available you don't have to continue to feel this way. Don't rush into a career you're unsure of - even take a year out if that helps. I hope you feel better soon, man.
From what you've described it does sound a lot like depression; lack of motivation, suicidal feelings, feeling low, difficulty with working. For some people, depression is transient and needs no treatment, for others it's more serious and action needs to be taken. Have you thought about seeing your GP for this? You could try medication or talking therapies and you may find that one/both helps you feel better. If you don't want to go to your GP yet (though I'd advise you do), you could check out MoodGym - it's an online CBT course.
As for what to do with your future, it can be a difficult decision for some people. I'd say not to rush things, the last thing you want to do is rush into a dentistry degree because it's what your parents rather than you want. There would be a lot of debt and if you don't enjoy your course university can be extra difficult - not to mention your current problems with depression. Maybe you could look around and see if there's any volunteer positions you could try out to get a taste of various different things? I don't know if you can access this but when I was at school I did a questionnaire which asked about skills/interests/etc and matched me up with careers that might suit me - I don't know where you'd go for that (job centre?), maybe someone else can help you better....?
Anyway, basically: don't give up, seek help for your depression, there is treatment available you don't have to continue to feel this way. Don't rush into a career you're unsure of - even take a year out if that helps. I hope you feel better soon, man.
Original post by Anonymous
For the past couple of months my mind has just collapsed. I can't be motivated for anything and I don't even know what I want from life anymore. This all started from A-levels, I stressed and struggled and worked quite hard for my A-levels. I've been suffering from depression ever since post Halloween last year, My friends I'm pretty sure do not care about me and neither do my Family. They constantly moan and shout instructions at me to do things and constantly annoy em and this has been going on for ages. I don't even think my existence is valued anymore, like if I was to vanish nobody would notice. I feel so alone and I honestly don't know what to do. I do get invited out to social gatherings quite a lot but I don't feel like I belong there or that I'm actually wanted there. I've always seen myself in the future to be able to change the world and do something good, but I don't know how I'm supposed to even live that long while feeling like absolute garbage. I don't know what I want to do when I'm older, I have absolutely no clue, My dads told me about dentistry but I'm not sure whether or not my heart would be in it? This whole year has been a shambles from getting my heart ripped to shreds, doing UKCAT revision where my mind isn't even in a stable place right now for it to be able to function. I honestly tell myself things will change but they never do, I've been telling myself the same old story for the past year and nothings changed. The only reason I'm still contemplating living is the emotional trauma my family would face and my hopeless dream of being a footballer, we all know that sin't happening because I'm not good enough and I'm also brown. There's just so much pressure and pain, that I'm pretty sure if I was dead wouldn't even be there. I can't even make myself happy anymore, I only get glimpses of it and then it's all back to me being angry and depressed again.
i feel exactly the same, hence why im up so late..
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