I am FED up of people Accusing my personality because i'm an introvert

I have ****ing had it.

I don't have good relationships with people. It has been happening since i was 10 (i'm 20 now) but since 2011, it has turned into a ****ing disgrace.

I know me going to university this year will NOT CURE my social anxiety and depression but it will be great stepping stone to leave London and my family and live up my name as 'the loner'. I Doubt i will have friends anyway at the university of Northampton because there isn't a point in life to continue this way. I will just be staying in my room on campus and only come out at night drinking and smoking by myself.

Why you think i'm acting this *******? Because if your own parents doesn't support you in the things you do or they keep calling a loner i.e 'you never speak to us, you have no friends' then i don't want to talk to anyone. When your dad plays mind games and ****s your mind psychologically then there is now a point to disown yourself from the family. I don't care about anyone anymore, i don't need a girlfriend/wife when i can pay for escorts (which im planning to do once i get to uni).

Because anyone i talk to keeps repeating the same stuff to me saying for example 'you're too quiet', 'you're such a weirdo', 'you're so anti', 'you're so disabled', you're so funny (weird). A job i'm doing this summer as a camp leader woke me up and realise how ****ing stupid i am. I applaud the people who avoided me like the plaque on the residential training, they have the RIGHT to.

It's constant for the past 10 years and it drives me to a breakdown. FFS what do you people want? I'VE DONE MY BEST to be social, why am i always judged. WHY? I have no one, This thread is to vent out my anger and to accept that i am 'the loner'.

I'm a Christian and i know God will not solve this, He created me as a joke. My name in Nigerian even means 'God Created me' which is a joke tbh since i was created a retard . After this stress and the way what my past bullies, my past friends and my parents treat me, I can not wait to disown myself and just be alone for life, if this is the only way to survive - being alone and isolate from people - then so be it.

I'm so angry i have now forgot the aim of this thread

I'm sure you are alright. Like you said, you believe in God, so you use your faith in a positive manner. God will only help those that are willing to help themselves. Not saying you have to be social or anything, but just don't do anything stupid. I'm not Christian- but I know for a fact that self-respect for oneself is important in Christianity. If you believe God made you in his own image, you are special.

Try to find a hobby or something to distract yourself. Get a good education and try to focus on establishing a career. Open yourself slightly and I'm sure people will like you for who you are.

Good luck to you.

I have ****ing had it.

I don't have good relationships with people. It has been happening since i was 10 (i'm 20 now) but since 2011, it has turned into a ****ing disgrace.

I know me going to university this year will NOT CURE my social anxiety and depression but it will be great stepping stone to leave London and my family and live up my name as 'the loner'. I Doubt i will have friends anyway at the university of Northampton because there isn't a point in life to continue this way. I will just be staying in my room on campus and only come out at night drinking and smoking by myself.

Why you think i'm acting this *******? Because if your own parents doesn't support you in the things you do or they keep calling a loner i.e 'you never speak to us, you have no friends' then i don't want to talk to anyone. When your dad plays mind games and ****s your mind psychologically then there is now a point to disown yourself from the family. I don't care about anyone anymore, i don't need a girlfriend/wife when i can pay for escorts (which im planning to do once i get to uni).

Because anyone i talk to keeps repeating the same stuff to me saying for example 'you're too quiet', 'you're such a weirdo', 'you're so anti', 'you're so disabled', you're so funny (weird). A job i'm doing this summer as a camp leader woke me up and realise how ****ing stupid i am. I applaud the people who avoided me like the plaque on the residential training, they have the RIGHT to.

It's constant for the past 10 years and it drives me to a breakdown. FFS what do you people want? I'VE DONE MY BEST to be social, why am i always judged. WHY? I have no one, This thread is to vent out my anger and to accept that i am 'the loner'.

I'm a Christian and i know God will not solve this, He created me as a joke. My name in Nigerian even means 'God Created me' which is a joke tbh since i was created a retard . After this stress and the way what my past bullies, my past friends and my parents treat me, I can not wait to disown myself and just be alone for life, if this is the only way to survive - being alone and isolate from people - then so be it.

I'm so angry i have now forgot the aim of this thread

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. It seems like people around you don't understand that. If you prefer to be alone then that is fine.

However, if you feel things like social anxiety and depression are restricting you then there are ways to tackle this. Go see a counsellor and work on those issues.

Don't resign yourself to unhappiness, work at it until you overcome your problems x

I have ****ing had it.

I don't have good relationships with people. It has been happening since i was 10 (i'm 20 now) but since 2011, it has turned into a ****ing disgrace.

I know me going to university this year will NOT CURE my social anxiety and depression but it will be great stepping stone to leave London and my family and live up my name as 'the loner'. I Doubt i will have friends anyway at the university of Northampton because there isn't a point in life to continue this way. I will just be staying in my room on campus and only come out at night drinking and smoking by myself.

Why you think i'm acting this *******? Because if your own parents doesn't support you in the things you do or they keep calling a loner i.e 'you never speak to us, you have no friends' then i don't want to talk to anyone. When your dad plays mind games and ****s your mind psychologically then there is now a point to disown yourself from the family. I don't care about anyone anymore, i don't need a girlfriend/wife when i can pay for escorts (which im planning to do once i get to uni).

Because anyone i talk to keeps repeating the same stuff to me saying for example 'you're too quiet', 'you're such a weirdo', 'you're so anti', 'you're so disabled', you're so funny (weird). A job i'm doing this summer as a camp leader woke me up and realise how ****ing stupid i am. I applaud the people who avoided me like the plaque on the residential training, they have the RIGHT to.

It's constant for the past 10 years and it drives me to a breakdown. FFS what do you people want? I'VE DONE MY BEST to be social, why am i always judged. WHY? I have no one, This thread is to vent out my anger and to accept that i am 'the loner'.

I'm a Christian and i know God will not solve this, He created me as a joke. My name in Nigerian even means 'God Created me' which is a joke tbh since i was created a retard . After this stress and the way what my past bullies, my past friends and my parents treat me, I can not wait to disown myself and just be alone for life, if this is the only way to survive - being alone and isolate from people - then so be it.

I'm so angry i have now forgot the aim of this thread

oh honey
At university everyone is in the same boat.
literally just ignore them. I know it might be hard at first but once you get over it, it doesn't really affect you that much. Of course these things takes time so be patient.
getting an escort will only make you feel emptier in the long run so don't even bother with that.
Also do try to join at least one society, make small talk with the person you are sitting next to you in lectures. If you sit in your room all day then what do you expect to happen?

I ****ing love you, man. You've really got it down.

I realise that it's not a fun situation to be in, but I think that you're making a great move in just getting on with life. I have some social anxiety issues (I have absolutely no idea why) but I can keep them in check for the most part. You plan on smoking and drinking alone (already got that covered), which helps me to get through the day (and to write, but that's another story, no pun intended). You plan on paying for escorts, which I applaud eternally, because it is easier. No fake ****ing emotions, no awkward silence, no... no nothing. It's perfect. You can't have your heart broken by a hooker, and most of them are very nice ladies. But I digress, I do actually want to offer you some advice. The way I deal with my SA problems (given mine are minor compared to yours) is by not giving a ****. I decided to stop feeling the emotion of regret over a year ago and it's fixed me hugely. That's right. I systematically dissociated myself with the emotion of regret, over a long period of meditation, and I am now no longer able to process regret (I'd love to do the same with anxiety, but alas, I have not). So all of the stupid, embarrassing **** I've done in the past- I can forget all about it. I now go through life making entirely logical decisions, no emotion involved. And by doing so, if I **** up, then it's fine. Because I don't regret it. Because by feeling regret, I just make myself feel worse, and I can never change the past (not yet, anyway :P ). But seriously, just get on with your life, get the best grades you can possibly achieve, and get a good job. You won't need the dicks in your life who are weighing you down right now when you're living it up on £100000+ per year. And good luck to you, my friend.

Thank you for your advice but i have decided this is me. I've been through psychologists, exorcisms & deliverance and begging to make them section me but no, nothing hasn't worked.

You say at university 'everyone is in the same boat'. Interestingly i'm currently planning to prepare my first shift as a camp leader and when we did the residential training weekend last week, i was seen as the loner. Of all honestly, the first day i WAS talking to people, trying to make banter and drinking but the next day no one said anything and the last day i woke up and realised i shouldn't be doing this. The only reason why i have changed my mind to do this role is because there's no point in staying for the whole summer being a loner by your parents and this is related to my goal as a Music Teacher (which may not happen since i have decided i'm a loner for life)

I'm sorry it feels like i'm having a breakdown when i'm typing these stuff but since February i have not been well and i feel September will be the time to cut everyone of my life (including my family).

I like this.

Yes it is draining, just worrying what people think. I think i'm now at that stage where i don't give a **** about anyone. I just have to accept i'm socially inept and i have always been since i was 10 years old.

I'm defo going to be sleeping with escorts to help me and start smoking weed because without these, how can i cope with life? I've been drinking since i was 16 but now i'm going to do often so that i forget about this mess i've done for a decade.

You seem really angry lots of pwnt up frustration you need to find a way of using that energy positively. I understand it must be tough if your own family put you down as-well , however, don't make decisions in anger and try and make friends no point coming out of uni the same person. I understand it's tougher for you because of anxiety but there are many in a worse situation so try.

Not sure why we had to know about the escorts really guess it's just part of you expressing yourself .

Edit: Reading some of your replies to people I don't think your problem is simply about yoy being in introvert. Many people are and get on, you just sound really low confidence and probably also depressed because of the whole situation.

I like this.

Yes it is draining, just worrying what people think. I think i'm now at that stage where i don't give a **** about anyone. I just have to accept i'm socially inept and i have always been since i was 10 years old.

I'm defo going to be sleeping with escorts to help me and start smoking weed because without these, how can i cope with life? I've been drinking since i was 16 but now i'm going to do often so that i forget about this mess i've done for a decade.

I like this.

Yes it is draining, just worrying what people think. I think i'm now at that stage where i don't give a **** about anyone. I just have to accept i'm socially inept and i have always been since i was 10 years old.

I'm defo going to be sleeping with escorts to help me and start smoking weed because without these, how can i cope with life? I've been drinking since i was 16 but now i'm going to do often so that i forget about this mess i've done for a decade.

As someone who is an introvert and also comes from an overtly extraverted culture (I'm assuing so as you are Nigerian) I understand your pain. You just have to except your family will never understand you and in their minds, introvertness is completely alien, frightening and to them, sad. I suggest you pay NO heed and do not care for what they think, just go forward and assure your self that you are NOT a freak and your social anziety is not your fault. Like some else said here, dont give any ****s about what ANYONE thinks. You are victim of circumstance, you did not choose to be introverted, you did not choose the social anxiety, you were given a bad set of cards at the start of your life. But you can;t just think on this and dwell in self pity, you have to except those flaws and work on them in anyway you can. Being introverted is not bad, but I understand how the social anxiety can destroy, many people will automaticallly sense it and reatc with revulsion, it is just the way humans are unfortunately. So deal with your anxiety, meds if you have to but I'd personally suggest trying to do it by excercising, keeping fit and just spending time outside, even if alone. Meds can have side effects and its better for your mind to not be dependant on anything. Don't give up and good luck, do your self a favour and try at Uni

As someone who is an introvert and also comes from an overtly extraverted culture (I'm assuing so as you are Nigerian) I understand your pain. You just have to except your family will never understand you and in their minds, introvertness is completely alien, frightening and to them, sad. I suggest you pay NO heed and do not care for what they think, just go forward and assure your self that you are NOT a freak and your social anziety is not your fault. Like some else said here, dont give any ****s about what ANYONE thinks. You are victim of circumstance, you did not choose to be introverted, you did not choose the social anxiety, you were given a bad set of cards at the start of your life. But you can;t just think on this and dwell in self pity, you have to except those flaws and work on them in anyway you can. Being introverted is not bad, but I understand how the social anxiety can destroy, many people will automaticallly sense it and reatc with revulsion, it is just the way humans are unfortunately. So deal with your anxiety, meds if you have to but I'd personally suggest trying to do it by excercising, keeping fit and just spending time outside, even if alone. Meds can have side effects and its better for your mind to not be dependant on anything. Don't give up and good luck, do your self a favour and try at Uni