Do you think her boyfriend was right morally in doing this?

My cousin is 43 and has been seeing her boyfriend for 11 years. She has always wanted a baby but her boyfriend has always said they have plenty time and that he would rather they have a few more years freedom and then he will feel ready so basically he kept putting it off and my cousin has been waiting and put having a baby to the back of her mind. Last year when she was 42 he left her for another woman. Now at her age it is more or less too late. I know that he has the right to change his mind about the relationship but do you think he was morally right in keep putting the baby off then suddenly leaving her now it's too late. Now my cousin will probably never have a baby of her own but with him being a man obviously he still has the option.

I don't know, what do you think of this situation. I suppose my cousin should have stood up for desire to have a baby more but she couldn't make him and she loved him, still does although she has bitter feelings as people do when their boyfriend leaves them.

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Reply 1

Lucasium

Original post by Anonymous

He was wrong, that was an awful thing for him to do.

Reply 2

karl pilkington

Erm the question is kind of pointless. Of course it was a disgusting thing to do and would make a lot of people very angry. However your cousin should focus on maybe the future. He did nothing wrong legally so there is nothing anyone can do. Has she looked at maybe freezing her eggs of IVF may offer some hope.

Reply 3

2071067

Original post by Lucasium

He was wrong, that was an awful thing for him to do.

It's ALWAYS the man's fault. She didn't bother to have a kid in 25 years? The man's fault. She was too stupid to realize that if someone puts off something for 11 years they aren't interested? The man's fault. It gets even better from feminists you're basically insinuating that he OWED her a baby, like he must stay and have kids with her against his will just because he said he would 11 years ago.

Reply 4

Imperion

At first I read "...is 43 and has been seeing her boyfriend of 11 years" and was like "WTF O_O" The reread... Whoa...

Reply 5

WelcomeToJ'sFreakShow

He may have genuinely put it off and it just so happened that he fell out of love with her. Calling it his fault is a bit fetched. He didn't owe her a baby, as someone said above. She was upsettingly unfortunate. If she really wanted a baby, she should have been smarter.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Plutonian

Don't be soft is it heck as always the mans fault gees people have a complex these days. Women cheat, lie, leave their kids and do everything bad that men do they get blamed for their fair share don't worry. Try to forget gender for a moment and the complex it triggers and just look at the situation objectively. Is it entirely the woman's fault for believing him and being stupid, both of them are to blame or the man is to blame? Just chill, I can list loads of things in society where the women have the disadvantage and get blamed it's been happening throughout history.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by WelcomeToJ'sFreakShow

Ok a fair opinion, thanks.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by karl pilkington

I told her that having a baby ihas to be a joint decision and that it just wasn't meant to be with him. there are still options she's not all that old yet, yea she would probably be ideal for ivf or could use a sperm donar as many people do. It was a difficult situation I think she feels that everything has hit her at once ie not having a child, being left and having to sell the house

Reply 9

WelcomeToJ'sFreakShow

Original post by Anonymous

Why not adopt? Instead of creating a life and all the problems that come with it, you'd be "saving" a baby from a probably-**** life; giving someone a better life.

Reply 10

Zarek

It's a scoundrel trick. Because of guys like this women need to be careful about committing their prime reproductive years to someone who is not really up for it.

Reply 11

Zechs

I would say to some degree it does look morally wrong what he did, however, it also sounds like she did not stamp her foot down enough. She did not make it clear how strongly a choice this was for her in effect letting this men lead the relationship and putting her concerns to the back. Perhaps she is a very selfless caring women who deserves respect, however, she clearly has not asserted herself enough. I don't think anyone can totally look at this men and think he is totally morally wrong because this is life there is no plan to it, no rules and in fact the rules keep being changed or broken. I feel he would only be morally wrong if this was intentional manipulation does not sound like that he just fell out of love.

I also wish to comment on her age in all honesty she's really at the age were she should almost be having grandchildren not her first child. I'm not a big supporter of these new older first time mums especially those on IVF, if you think about it how much money is being spent creating these babies who could be viewed as designer babies? If she really wishes to be a mother and take care of a child she can have this same experience adopting a child. For me this would not simply show that she wants to be a mother but show how much love she has to raise a child and give her/him a better opportunity in life.

Saying all this she is 43 she can still experience this desire if she wishes, the only issue for her is will she find a good partner if she wants one. Now any partner she meets if she wants to actually have a child she will almost have to push on him this idea of a child which could potentially scare men of her age away.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 12

SiminaM

Leaving her AND a kid behind would've been just as bad if not worse tbh.

Reply 13

WelcomeToJ'sFreakShow

Original post by SiminaM

Leaving her AND a kid behind would've been just as bad if not worse tbh.

Absolutely. And she can adopt. It's not all over.

Reply 14

Rakas21

Original post by Anonymous

Its clear they loved each other having lasted 11 years however this is not the mans fault. Not only could she have bourne an heir in the years before him but after a year or two, alarm bells should have been raised. Regardless of whether people love each other there are a few issues on which you need to agree and children are one of them, the lack of marriage too sounds dodgy.

This is a good example of why women should not wait so long. Pop them out early and then from 30 onward your home and dry for your career.

Reply 15

Zechs

Original post by SiminaM

Leaving her AND a kid behind would've been just as bad if not worse tbh.

Hello siminaM

Nice to see a lady contribute her thoughts to the thread. Would you agree that perhaps women of today should aim to have their children younger say mid 20s to early 30s, instead of putting career ahead of children? Which is what possibly occured here.

Reply 16

SiminaM

Original post by Mancini

I think that having kids before having a stable income is irresponsible and stupid. That said, it's perfectly reasonable to be financially stable and have kids around 25-29 for example.(I want to have kids around 27 myself)

Early 30s? That was the woman's age when she started dating. She did not wait because of her career - OP mentions nothing of the sort, she waited because her partner didn't want children.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 17

physicst

he is morally wrong but she is mad in waiting him for 11 years.

Reply 18

Zechs

Original post by SiminaM

Yes I noticed, that was an assumption on my part but I do feel it may have contributed to her earlier wait. Just wanted to wait for your reply.

Reply 19

Helenia

He has been cruel in stringing her along for 11 years, knowing that she wanted children but perpetually putting it off, and leaving your partner for someone else is always ****ty, regardless of age/gender/number of kids. If he really NEVER wanted children he should have been clear at the beginning so she could make a choice earlier. However, he shouldn't be forced to stay in a relationship he is not happy with, so is within his rights to leave. And if having kids was a big deal for her, she should have asserted herself years before and been brave enough to give him an ultimatum and follow through with it.