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Struggle with male authority/power

I'm a straight female in my early twenties. When I was ten I was assaulted by a guy who thought I pushed his daughter over, I isolated myself after that and would avoid him and going out if at all possible. My dad also has quite bad mental health problems which resemble personality disorders amongst other things. Despite having these problems he still has always behaved as though he is king/head of the house shouting, making demands and basically acting like a bit of a tyrant.

Having experienced these male role models growing up I now find myself at logger heads with most men, I always want the upper hand and view most of their behaviours as a means to take advantage of me or as using me. I can't picture that they might care and the culture of relationships etc and the guy often wanting the upper hand/to be in control I can't handle it. I feel like I'm being 'abused'.

I know this all sounds pretty over the top and dramatic but i just want to be able to try and have a healthy relationship with men in general without feeling like I have to fight back.

Any advice :s-smilie:?
It's all about trust. Don't be afraid to be the dominant person in a relationship just because it can go against the norm if that's what makes you comfortable. However if you develop a trust in someone, hopefully you'll realise he doesn't want to abuse you or be in control of you :smile: hope this helps
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Original post by picklescamp
It's all about trust. Don't be afraid to be the dominant person in a relationship just because it can go against the norm if that's what makes you comfortable. However if you develop a trust in someone, hopefully you'll realise he doesn't want to abuse you or be in control of you :smile: hope this helps

Thanks really appreciate the reply. And I suppose you are right as much as it's difficult not to paint them all with the same brush I do need to try and trust where it's due. But sometimes I find myself just going for the ones that will prove me right and it becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks really appreciate the reply. And I suppose you are right as much as it's difficult not to paint them all with the same brush I do need to try and trust where it's due. But sometimes I find myself just going for the ones that will prove me right and it becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.


That's normal. Do you then try and change them? I've done that before, like trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole. What's most important is that you're aware of the dynamic, because only then can you break free of it. So you've already made the first step :smile:
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Original post by picklescamp
That's normal. Do you then try and change them? I've done that before, like trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole. What's most important is that you're aware of the dynamic, because only then can you break free of it. So you've already made the first step :smile:
:smile:

Yep I try and change them subconsciously that's when everything gets messy and I start to 'fight' them. Now that it's happened a few times though I suppose I am more aware when it's starting along those tracks.

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