I Regret leaving early and now i feel depressed (thread may be hard to understand)

Anon please

I was a Leader at a summer camp and whilst i was a favourite with the children (aged 10-16). I left early due to social anxiety and depression and not getting along with my colleagues. i was meant to do two weeks at this place and go to another site later this month.

I'm angry because i came home a week early, i forgot (bizzarely) that i don't get along with my family and i get bullied by them. Now i'm home, in depressing London, feeling sad and angry and getting the *******ing again from my parents.

I didn't want to do this but i had no friendship with my colleagues. I felt that i was constantly undermined by staff, i was getting pissed off that they made an 18 year old sixth former guy the camp manager (and power really got into his head), I felt there was a power struggle with my co-leaders (working with a specific age group), Conversations were awkward around me, i think i was almost falling in love with a colleague (I get pissed when i like a girl because i have social anxiety) and etc etc.

I only enjoyed working with the children, i was one of their FAVOURITE, I never knew i could enjoy a job for the first time but unforunately i had to stop this early because i worried the children would know that i was a loner and my colleagues asking very offensive personal question. I know i'm going back again later this month in a different but i have no plans what to do this week as if i was to continue this week in the camp, the other week (which would have been my week off ) would have been better planned.

My anxiety is evil and i just wish i had better relationships with people. I'm fed up as being seen as the loner. I am praying that hoping to go to uni this year i will probably hide in my room and come out at night since i'm allergic to people.

What should i do now; i know my dad will be calling me a loner in a few hours. Should i ask for extra vacancies from the job to actually go away for two weeks?? I'm really anxious at home as i type.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

i guess this is really hard to understand.

I will just try and cope for two weeks at home

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Please any advice would be great. thanks

Reply 3

Zechs

14

I know you are that same fella from before going on about how you are going to sleep with prostitutes. I think you just need to calm down a bit, I think your problem may be more then anxiety, I would recommend you go to your GP and maybe get yourself referred to a behavioural psychiatrist I say that with the most positive intentions and not to put you down. It must be made clear to you that you need to seek professional help, you won't find that on TSR at best you will just rant and likely not take on any advice. You are stuck in an unhealthy psychological habit and need to learn how to break it, the first step is a visit to your GP.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

...

You need to figure out what your strengths are and make your peace.

People are not your strength. That's fine. They are not mine either, so I understand. Just try to embrace other parts of your personality. Don't disrespect yourself. Personality does NOT equal character. You don't need to be chatty or funny to be a good person.

The thing is, the people at camp, and later the people at university, and later the people in the workplace... they can tell when you are trying to pretend to be someone you are not. They think you are a fraud and they have no respect for frauds. Of course, they have not a lot of respect for loners either. There will be some people who don't care and accept you the way you are. Many won't. That's OK. Don't hate them; remember that they just don't know any better. A few will bully you. Avoid those.

Finally, find something you can enjoy doing on your own (programming perhaps? meccano? hiking?).

Also, the thing is... maybe avoid children, because some people will think "why is a loner interested in children" and you see where that could lead. Some people do not understand the difference between personality and character, unfortunately. I would avoid situations like that. But I don't like being around children anyway.

And move out as soon as possible.

Reply 5

llys

17

Try to see the positives. You managed a whole week - I think that is really good for someone with social anxiety. So you didn't last two weeks - that's fine. At least you are trying. You need to take it in small steps.

You may have Asperger's, or something else. Maybe look into it? Some people may be more accepting if they know there is a "condition" that makes you the way you are.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Mancini

I know you are that same fella from before going on about how you are going to sleep with prostitutes. I think you just need to calm down a bit, I think your problem may be more then anxiety, I would recommend you go to your GP and maybe get yourself referred to a behavioural psychiatrist I say that with the most positive intentions and not to put you down. It must be made clear to you that you need to seek professional help, you won't find that on TSR at best you will just rant and likely not take on any advice. You are stuck in an unhealthy psychological habit and need to learn how to break it, the first step is a visit to your GP.

no no no - i am not whoever you are thinking of and i wouldn't go near a prostitute, again TSR obsessed with finding who people are under anonymous

Back to your answers - i have had psycological help, you name it all. Perhaps now that i have calmed down since i wrote this depressed, all i can do to solve the problem is just to live in isolation and talk to no one again.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Also, the thing is... maybe avoid children, because some people will think "why is a loner interested in children" and you see where that could lead. Some people do not understand the difference between personality and character, unfortunately. I would avoid situations like that. But I don't like being around children anyway.

And move out as soon as possible (moving out next month).

I never saw this in my mind, i will take this advice as i don't want people to think i'm a freak.

To be honest all you said is right. It's all my fault i'm like this, perhaps its time to reconsider what i should with my life.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by llys

Try to see the positives. You managed a whole week - I think that is really good for someone with social anxiety. So you didn't last two weeks - that's fine. At least you are trying. You need to take it in small steps.

You may have Asperger's, or something else. Maybe look into it? Some people may be more accepting if they know there is a "condition" that makes you the way you are.

Yes, i'm autistic, are you happy that you guessed? :colonhash:

no seriously, when i was in school everybody guessed i was autistic by year 10 and that was when i stated losing the friends, started getting anxiety. When i tried my best to accept the demonic disorder, i started telling people and people wouldn't accept i have this condition; one person even said 'why are you pretending'.

either way, telling the condition wouldn't make any difference. And no don't even mention this disorder again

I Regret leaving early and now i feel depressed (thread may be hard to understand)

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