homosexual behaviour in Islam

Before I start... those who have no interest in answering my question or are here only to bash Islam ... you know where the exit is :smile:

Okay, I'm an 18 year old Muslim, I'm practising and take my religion with solemn respect and pride. I know that homosexuality is prohibited in Islam and I'm not here today to argue otherwise, I heard and I accepted as us muslims all should. I also know that the mere act of feeling sexually attracted to the same sex is not a sin but it becomes one if you act upon it.

Now my question is.. say I was to get married to a woman I ''emotionally'' love but am not sexually attracted to.. would this be genuine and would this be fair on my wife? I would go on and live my life being attracted to men yet never engage in intimate relations with them because I have been commanded not to which is all fine as I said I am a strong believer but would this be fair on someone I end up with?

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Reply 1

dozyrosie

Are you trying to say you are homosexual, or is this a hypothetical situation?

Reply 2

Chiefe

Original post by dozyrosie

Are you trying to say you are homosexual, or is this a hypothetical situation?

yes I'm attracted to men, I made this thread because I wasn't sure about the ethics that come with the choices I would have to make in my life, the last sentence of my original post sums it up :biggrin:

Reply 3

Plantagenet Crown

I don't think it's fair at all. She has a right to know she's being lied to and committing to a relationship which isn't truly real.

Reply 4

dozyrosie

Original post by Chiefe

I really feel for your dilemma, If you have the fortitude to not act on your natural inclinations, and you treat your wife as a wife should be treated, I don't think it is bad to get married and raise a family, homosexual men do raise families, I am not sure how many resist their temptations, if you can, then I admire your commitment and I cannot think that you are doing anything wrong by keeping your attractions away from your wife.

Reply 5

Chiefe

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

I don't think it's fair at all. She has a right to know she's being lied to and committing to a relationship which isn't truly real.

It's real in the sense that there would be connection call it whatever you want but deep down I'd want the company of a man but I understand what you're saying and of course it makes sense :redface:

Reply 6

tootie_frootie

How would you feel if it was the reverse?

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Reply 7

Chiefe

Original post by tootie_frootie

How would you feel if it was the reverse?

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of course I would feel lied to but as @dozyrosie explained very well.. if I love this person and treat her with the respect and care she deserves my job as a husband is half complete do you agree? :wink:

Reply 8

tootie_frootie

Original post by Chiefe

Well you just said it yourself, you would feel lied to. Relationships are not just about respect and care, they are also about trust and intimacy. If you can't give your all to the relationship, don't you think your potential wife deserves to be with someone who can give her the whole package?

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Reply 9

The Epicurean

Original post by Chiefe

I know that homosexuality is prohibited in Islam and I'm not here today to argue otherwise

I'm surprised that one can be so certain despite the fact that the Quran does not explicitly condemn homosexuality. Why do you feel so sure that homosexuality is prohibited?

I think it always important to refer back to the first verse of Al-Fatiha. The Quran opens in Al-Fatiha by stating that Allah is most merciful. I think it is important to always refer back to this and to approach any of Allah's actions and to ponder upon whether these actions are examples of Allah showing his mercy. Do you believe that a merciful God would create a person who is gay, and then tell them that who they are is wrong and a punishable crime if they try to express who they are?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 10

Haraam police

Obviously you should tell her that you are gay when talking to her prior to marriage

If she is fine with it then all is well brother

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Reply 11

_Fergo

There are no buts or ifs. You should talk to her about it - it's not exactly easy for someone to tell you "hey, I will stay with you because Islam commands it, but I'm not sexually attracted to you at all". This is very low in my books.

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Reply 12

Plantagenet Crown

Original post by Haraam police

Obviously you should tell her that you are gay when talking to her prior to marriage

If she is fine with it then all is well brother

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I don't see how how or why a woman would be fine with it..?

Reply 13

Haraam police

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

I don't see how how or why a woman would be fine with it..?

Well if a muslim lady is getting on a bit, and has had very little luck in finding a partner, maybe she will be ok to settle with a gay guy

What if she likes absolutely everything about the guy, especially his faith in islam. Then maybe she can overlook the fact that he's gay

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Reply 14

Plantagenet Crown

Original post by Haraam police

That would be a fraudulent marriage and something tells me Allah wouldn't approve.

Reply 15

Haraam police

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

That would be a fraudulent marriage and something tells me Allah wouldn't approve.

Fraudulent marriage?
Not approved?
Why?

Clearly you dont understand the concept of marriage in islam

You can marry whoever you want basically. In fact, the woman and man will be rewarded and they would have completed half their deen by doing so :yes:

So what if he's gay :hmmm:

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Reply 16

Rorschach II

Original post by Chiefe

Before I start... those who have no interest in answering my question or are here only to bash Islam ... you know where the exit is :smile:

Not at all; it wouldn't be fair on your wife, or on you for that matter.

I would go on and live my life being attracted to men yet never engage in intimate relations with them because I have been commanded not to which is all fine

But it's not fine, is it? You would be sexually attracted to men, but never able to have sexual relations with them. All pent up, little release.

as I said I am a strong believer

Has little relevance to how strong you are in your beliefs, as I doubt that would quell your sexual attractions and subsequent urges.

but would this be fair on someone I end up with?

Not at all (again.) That would be a cruel thing to do in a marriage, which doesn't necessarily make you a cruel person, just a cruel thing to do.

''

Reply 17

Chiefe

Original post by Haraam police

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Original post by Plantagenet Crown

you're raising very thought provoking question and thank you for that. The reason why I think I shouldn't say anything to anyone is because, it's not like I chose to be gay.. why on earth would someone choose to be something that his religion condemns? Muslim scholars describe homosexuality as an illness, I want to be devoted to my religion but as we all know sometimes our desires get the better of us. Why would I miss out on living a 'normal' life and raise children for feelings I'm not proud of having

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 18

underxxted

Original post by Chiefe

Before I start... those who have no interest in answering my question or are here only to bash Islam ... you know where the exit is :smile:

You should tell her, you may not be sexually attracted to her, yet you love her. I dont think it will make much of a difference since she would know how hard you are going against your instincts to be with her. At the end of the day its her your having the intimate relationship with and choosing to marry. And if she doesn't accept it, there are others.

Reply 19

dozyrosie

The point here, as I see it, the OP feels more committed to his religion than his sexuality, so if he can be faithful to his future wife he is only committing a 'thought crime'. He must have given this a great deal of thought and should be commended for that.