I&#x27;ve been used by a Muslim... I can&#x27;t cope?

Original post by Luís Miguel

Well, I've always been a very fragile person. Low self-esteem, no self-respect, and so on... I never really enjoyed being me, which is sad. I'm an 18 year-old boy, by the way.
But, almost 1 year ago, I met the most wonderful person. He was a Muslim (yes, he was Muslim and gay) - and we met virtually. I had always been a bit reluctant when it came to 'long-distance relationships' so I tried to avoid falling for him as much as I could. Thing is, he didn't give up. I played hard to get, but eventually, I gave in. He made me feel like I was the most important thing on Earth - And life, suddenly, became nice.
After a while, he cheated on me, something which took me a while to forgive, but I managed to because my love for him was too intense. I cried a lot about it, I called him many names, but he had this strange ability to manipulate me, almost as if he used my own vulnerabilities as weapons against me.
Although I forgave him, I never really forgot, and that made me doubt the veracity of his words, so I began to pressure him by saying we had to see each other - I insisted a lot and he came to visit me. I had no idea what happiness was until he came - And I doubt I'll ever feel that sort of happiness ever again. We talked, we laughed, we made love, it was all perfect, felt like a dream, to be honest.
The real problem appeared when he went back. He was no longer the same man... He was distant, and cold, and I started to question myself: ''What have I done? It has to be my fault! I ruined everything!'' I thought all this because I was a virgin, therefore I had no experience.
He wouldn't answer my questions anymore, he pretended to care about my feelings and he'd say he was busy all the time. He couldn't make time for me anymore! I was destroyed, my best friend, my 'soul-mate' was losing interest in me and I couldn't accept that.
I cried a lot, and he confessed that he couldn't be gay. He said: ''I'm sorry, but I can't do this. My priority has to be my family. I know I promised you many things, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm with a girl now, who my family approves, and I'm truly happy now - This feels right... I'm Religious now, Allah forgives me.''
I couldn't believe my eyes. I asked: ''If you knew we would never be together, then why did you promise me so many things? Why did you give me false hope? That's not fair, that's painful, that's not something a Religious man would do.''
I can't understand how this happened, I'm devastated, lost, hopeless, tired of trusting people, I'm so very exhausted of breathing, eating is an obligation... I'm done with all of it, to be honest.
How could someone hurt me like this? How could someone lie so much? He blocked me everywhere, I never heard from him again ever since that day.
Help me, please. How can a man who loves men, ever find happiness with a woman? He could be bi, I know, but his favorite pass-time was to show his ***** online in exchange of the same thing from others... So men are what he feels attracted to.
How can I fix myself after something like this? I curse the day I met him everyday, but that doesn't really help.

Give it time, you'll forget him and move on.

Reply 2

chelseafreak

Original post by Luís Miguel

Well, I've always been a very fragile person. Low self-esteem, no self-respect, and so on... I never really enjoyed being me, which is sad. I'm an 18 year-old boy, by the way.
But, almost 1 year ago, I met the most wonderful person. He was a Muslim (yes, he was Muslim and gay) - and we met virtually. I had always been a bit reluctant when it came to 'long-distance relationships' so I tried to avoid falling for him as much as I could. Thing is, he didn't give up. I played hard to get, but eventually, I gave in. He made me feel like I was the most important thing on Earth - And life, suddenly, became nice.
After a while, he cheated on me, something which took me a while to forgive, but I managed to because my love for him was too intense. I cried a lot about it, I called him many names, but he had this strange ability to manipulate me, almost as if he used my own vulnerabilities as weapons against me.
Although I forgave him, I never really forgot, and that made me doubt the veracity of his words, so I began to pressure him by saying we had to see each other - I insisted a lot and he came to visit me. I had no idea what happiness was until he came - And I doubt I'll ever feel that sort of happiness ever again. We talked, we laughed, we made love, it was all perfect, felt like a dream, to be honest.
The real problem appeared when he went back. He was no longer the same man... He was distant, and cold, and I started to question myself: ''What have I done? It has to be my fault! I ruined everything!'' I thought all this because I was a virgin, therefore I had no experience.
He wouldn't answer my questions anymore, he pretended to care about my feelings and he'd say he was busy all the time. He couldn't make time for me anymore! I was destroyed, my best friend, my 'soul-mate' was losing interest in me and I couldn't accept that.
I cried a lot, and he confessed that he couldn't be gay. He said: ''I'm sorry, but I can't do this. My priority has to be my family. I know I promised you many things, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm with a girl now, who my family approves, and I'm truly happy now - This feels right... I'm Religious now, Allah forgives me.''
I couldn't believe my eyes. I asked: ''If you knew we would never be together, then why did you promise me so many things? Why did you give me false hope? That's not fair, that's painful, that's not something a Religious man would do.''
I can't understand how this happened, I'm devastated, lost, hopeless, tired of trusting people, I'm so very exhausted of breathing, eating is an obligation... I'm done with all of it, to be honest.
How could someone hurt me like this? How could someone lie so much? He blocked me everywhere, I never heard from him again ever since that day.
Help me, please. How can a man who loves men, ever find happiness with a woman? He could be bi, I know, but his favorite pass-time was to show his ***** online in exchange of the same thing from others... So men are what he feels attracted to.
How can I fix myself after something like this? I curse the day I met him everyday, but that doesn't really help.

why did you feel the need to say he is a Muslim?

Reply 3

Quick-use

Regardless of his religion, he doesn't sound like a good person you'd want to be with. He didn't like you as much as you liked him and I think it's better this way because now you can find someone who will love you every single minute of every single day and not randomly go hot or cold.

You're much better than him. :smile:

You may feel sad now but you'll get over him eventually and find someone better.

Even if he was a Christian, Muslim, Jew or Atheist, as a person he doesn't sound like someone you'd want to be with and now you've seen his true colours.

Reply 4

chelseafreak

Original post by Quick-use

Regardless of his religion, he doesn't sound like a good person you'd want to be with. He didn't like you as much as you liked him and I think it's better this way because now you can find someone who will love you every single minute of every single day and not randomly go hot or cold.

You're much better than him. :smile:

You may feel sad now but you'll get over him eventually and find someone better.

Even if he was a Christian, Muslim, Jew or Atheist, as a person he doesn't sound like someone you'd want to be with and now you've seen his true colours.

this

Reply 5

Luís Miguel

OP

Original post by chelseafreak

why did you feel the need to say he is a Muslim?

Well, because it wouldn't make sense for me to tell my situation without mentioning what his Religion is... Since he left me because of Allah and fear of hell.

Reply 6

Rory :)

2/10. You need training.

Reply 7

maggie43

16

so he took your virginity??

0/10 Fail.

I think you're a troll tbh. You've made three posts: an introductory one which seems genuine, and two others about this topic. I'm not sure why you'd come to a student forum to discuss things like this, but it seems you're pretty intent on blaming his religion (as is frequent with the crazies on this forum). If this is true, it seems you're reluctant to acknowledge this dude is a manipulative scumbag and instead blame his religion. Whilst he might use his religion as an excuse I'm willing to bet that he never intended to be serious with you at all; in the end he was probably always going to go and marry a girl. On another level, if he's genuinely confused, I can definitely understand where he's coming from as I also come from a Muslim background (I'm agnostic now), and I'm gay. It's difficult being told that homosexuality is a grave sin, whilst trying to understand your sexuality and at the same time attempting to reconcile your religion with the two. He's probably suffering from cognitive dissonance where he wants to have a relationship with you ( or guys in general), but feels that doing so would make him sinful/dirty/impure. Whatever the case, his problems aren't your problems, nor can you wait for this guy to go back and forth with you forever. So if you're not a troll, I advise you to move on.

Reply 10

Quick-use

By the way, you said in disbelief in your first post that he was muslim and gay suggesting that this was impossible. But, I'm pretty sure that in many religions the act of gay sexual acts are considered sinful and not one's orientation itself. So, he can be gay and muslim. If he did take your virginity then that could be considered sinful and not at all Muslim-like. Therefore, I don't see why he suddenly left you for fear of Allah if he was never a good Muslim to begin with.

I'm sorry but this thread seems unrealistic. I don't see why you're trying to brew anti-islamic sentiment.

Also, loads of guys/girls lead people on for sex or whatever and then leave when it suits them. Should we blame them for their atheist ideals? Or, should we realise that some people are just douches?

People come from different backgrounds and of different shapes and sizes. We need to get along and live harmoniously people. :frown:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 11

Zechs

14

Race/ religion bating troll. Absolutely no reason we need to know the persons religion or ethnic identity. Even if it were true nothing special about the story you got used or least you think you did, move on. Let's face it homosexual relationships from what I have heard and read can be very promiscuous so this is not exactly unexpected.

Reply 12

Luís Miguel

OP

I'm not a troll. My intention was never to say bad things about Muslims, because I don't generalize.
But I feel like I need help to get through this, you know what I mean?
I can't tell any of my friends, nor my family (since I'm not out of the closet myself) so I came here but I'm having the opposite result...
I never meant to offend anyone, let alone blame his Religion for his actions. What I was hoping was for someone (Muslim or not) to tell me whether he was actually ever in love with me, or if I was nothing but chewing-gum to this guy. Because that, to me, would make a big difference in my feelings. I'll feel bad always about this, this is a wound that won't heal, but I need all the support I can get.
Sorry.

Reply 13

Original post by Luís Miguel

Well, I've always been a very fragile person. Low self-esteem, no self-respect, and so on... I never really enjoyed being me, which is sad. I'm an 18 year-old boy, by the way.
But, almost 1 year ago, I met the most wonderful person. He was a Muslim (yes, he was Muslim and gay) - and we met virtually. I had always been a bit reluctant when it came to 'long-distance relationships' so I tried to avoid falling for him as much as I could. Thing is, he didn't give up. I played hard to get, but eventually, I gave in. He made me feel like I was the most important thing on Earth - And life, suddenly, became nice.
After a while, he cheated on me, something which took me a while to forgive, but I managed to because my love for him was too intense. I cried a lot about it, I called him many names, but he had this strange ability to manipulate me, almost as if he used my own vulnerabilities as weapons against me.
Although I forgave him, I never really forgot, and that made me doubt the veracity of his words, so I began to pressure him by saying we had to see each other - I insisted a lot and he came to visit me. I had no idea what happiness was until he came - And I doubt I'll ever feel that sort of happiness ever again. We talked, we laughed, we made love, it was all perfect, felt like a dream, to be honest.
The real problem appeared when he went back. He was no longer the same man... He was distant, and cold, and I started to question myself: ''What have I done? It has to be my fault! I ruined everything!'' I thought all this because I was a virgin, therefore I had no experience.
He wouldn't answer my questions anymore, he pretended to care about my feelings and he'd say he was busy all the time. He couldn't make time for me anymore! I was destroyed, my best friend, my 'soul-mate' was losing interest in me and I couldn't accept that.
I cried a lot, and he confessed that he couldn't be gay. He said: ''I'm sorry, but I can't do this. My priority has to be my family. I know I promised you many things, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm with a girl now, who my family approves, and I'm truly happy now - This feels right... I'm Religious now, Allah forgives me.''
I couldn't believe my eyes. I asked: ''If you knew we would never be together, then why did you promise me so many things? Why did you give me false hope? That's not fair, that's painful, that's not something a Religious man would do.''
I can't understand how this happened, I'm devastated, lost, hopeless, tired of trusting people, I'm so very exhausted of breathing, eating is an obligation... I'm done with all of it, to be honest.
How could someone hurt me like this? How could someone lie so much? He blocked me everywhere, I never heard from him again ever since that day.
Help me, please. How can a man who loves men, ever find happiness with a woman? He could be bi, I know, but his favorite pass-time was to show his ***** online in exchange of the same thing from others... So men are what he feels attracted to.
How can I fix myself after something like this? I curse the day I met him everyday, but that doesn't really help.

(Quite an evil thing for me to say, but) be glad that it isn't going to work out for him.
Ignore that though, just being bitter over the fact that this happens.

And he could always be bisexual.

I'm not justifying his behaviour, because it is appalling, but family and what he has been brought up with (i.e. the religion in this case), would have a major effect on his decisions.

Perhaps he did love you, perhaps he did not. Perhaps he loved you, but doesn't now realise it.
Perhaps he thought he just temporarily deviated from the good Muslim in his eyes, but is correcting his behaviour, trying to repent for his "sins". The seed in his mind would have in all likelihood been planted all along, just growing, taking parasitic grasps further onto his mind, finally manifesting itself far enough for him to acknowledge it.
Everything might be okay for now for him, but will probably not be for long.
He was probably lost.

There were probably signs.

Again he might either be homosexual or bisexual or any other of the like.

He could have just temporarily sated his urged, or it was pent up.

Time would probably heal you. I hope for you to learn to trust again, I really do, and to heal, but I don't know any things definite.
Before I comment further, were there (possibly looking back over his past behaviour) any signs? Any signs of change? Anything unusual things, or unusual developments? I suppose in the future you must read people better.

Also, just because him being Muslim is most likely the factor, don't extrapolate this to all other Muslims. Of course it's understandable to exercise caution if you ever go into a relationship again, but don't think that there's any causal relationship, and possibly give another Muslim you meet a chance, just make sure.

Reply 14

Original post by chelseafreak

why did you feel the need to say he is a Muslim?

Well, he's going to be bias and put the blame on him being Muslim, or he hasn't placed the emphasis correctly.

(I don't know why, I just felt the need tor respond to this post, just to rationalise it for him. I know what your actual intention was though.)

Reply 15

Original post by Mancini

Race/ religion bating troll. Absolutely no reason we need to know the persons religion or ethnic identity. Even if it were true nothing special about the story you got used or least you think you did, move on. Let's face it homosexual relationships from what I have heard and read can be very promiscuous so this is not exactly unexpected.

I fail to see how this is at all relevant? And no, it's not just me being pissy and don't accuse me of bias, I just fail to see how.

edit: please do enlighten me.

Reply 16

inb4 he done the right thing.

Reply 17

Zechs

14

Original post by XcitingStuart

I fail to see how this is at all relevant? And no, it's not just me being pissy and don't accuse me of bias, I just fail to see how.

edit: please do enlighten me.

You most likely are being biased just look at your thumbnail picture and you are very quick to point out that you are being biased so you got yourself to blame. This is the case of you pulling out that victim card before anything rude has even been typed, looking to be the victim I think.

It is very relevant to answer you, this is a troll story about two homosexual men, one supposedly a cheat, the word promiscuous fits very well to describe one of these men.

It's actually even more relevant then the mention of the supposed cheats religion.

Feel free to use your self victimisation card stuart, hold up you already did it.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 18

NathanAllen

12

You were used and he was never into you and he had always had a religion. Why did he like tradeing the nudes ? But those type of people or never really gay they might be bi but they or never gay. They set out to hurt those that already struggle enough. Gay people have a hard life but that type of person makes gay people's lives harder and sader.

Just forget him. Make it that he is the outkast not you. Your a gift from god you were bprn the way you r for a reason, and no one knows that reason expect the person that created you. I'm religious if you r not then just forget what i said.

But do forget that douche

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 19