Depressed boyfriend. Help please :(

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 months now, we met online and met up pretty much straight away.we live about an hour and a half from each other and have saw each other pretty much once a week but it has been 3 weeks since I last saw him. We have never take anything slow but he likes that. For the past week he has been really down, either upset or angry. He has no idea why, he woke up one morning and was like it, I thought it would pass but it hasn't. Before this he has been the happiest person I have ever met and has made me the happiest person in the world. But now things are going bad, I never know what to say to him anymore. I try giving him space but I can't, I feel the more space I give him the more he will think about things and then think he is better off without me. I have tried my hardest to make him happy, all I want is my old boyfriend back but I'm beginning to think he is gone. My heart is breaking just thinking about being without him, every time he says he doesn't know about us anymore I burst into tears. yes I know we haven't even been together 3 months but we already planned a holiday for October and I am going to stay with him next week and I am genuinely in love with this guy, we planned our future together and I think he still wants it underneath all this depression he is feeling. I want to help him but I really don't know what to do anymore, he won't go and get help from the doctors or won't tell his parents so I'm stuck. I don't want him to see it is slowly tearing me apart but I don't know what else to do.

Reply 1

NutellaLuv

You're going to have to take a step back and let him do his business. If he has depression he's going to feel like he's a burden to you...and may be avoiding you so you don't have to deal with his depression. Depressions a bitch, i had it for years and it makes you unlikeable, in ways you never notice yourself till you're treated, you tend to say things you don't mean and do things you'd never do with a clear state of mind. Depression changes your mindset, sometimes completely, he may think he's being "helpful".
What ever you do, make sure he knows you're there, and if this is depression, make sure he knows that it doesn't scare you. Even being friends with depression is really hard.
Be there for him but don't cling to him cos he may react badly

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by NutellaLuv

Thank you for your reply. We broke up yesterday, he said he still loves me but he couldn't lie to me about wanting to be on his own and not in a relationship. I cant understand why he things we can't work but i want to respect his wishes but i love him too much to let him go. I asked if we could still be friends but he said we can try but he thinks it will be too hard for both of us. I feel so lost, cried myself to sleep last night i feel that bad. I know its so cliche but i was and still am sure he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with.

Reply 3

NutellaLuv

Original post by Anonymous

Like i said, if he has depression he thinks its for the best, and he's probably right. I've had to go back and apologise for the way i treated loved ones whilst i suffered. Seeing as he doesn't want to get help he will have to figure it all out on his own and will take a long time. Don't cut him off completely but don't focus too much on him. Maybe breaking up was the best thing to do, he could have abused you mentally. He may be depressed because something awful has happened to him and doesn't want to be selfish by bringing you in. Try to connect with other people and check up on him once in a while :smile:

Please don't feel bad, im sure he doesn't want you to cry yourself to sleep :frown:

Reply 4

Kevin De Bruyne

If that's what he wants to do right now, leave him to it. Maybe he'll fix himself and realise he's made a mistake.

Don't try to be friends for now. It won't help either of you. The best thing for you to do now would be to slowly let go. I know it's difficult, but you just have to. Maybe leave it for a week or two in case he changes, but if not... you should get rid of photos, texts, anything that reminds you of him. It feels impossible now. I've been there. But it just comes over time.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by NutellaLuv

I'm just gonna throw it out there, maybe he is suppressing his sexuality and is depressed because he doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship, not being of his interest.....

Reply 6

NutellaLuv

Original post by Anonymous

I'm just gonna throw it out there, maybe he is suppressing his sexuality and is depressed because he doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship, not being of his interest.....

Tbh i could call that insensitive but at the same time if this was true then eventually he could be her gay best friend and that's a positive. But there are many factors which could have resulted in the breakup.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I'm just gonna throw it out there, maybe he is suppressing his sexuality and is depressed because he doesn't feel comfortable in the relationship, not being of his interest.....

I asked him of tis was the case but he is 100% straight.
I am slowly getting over it but it will take a while i know it will.

Reply 8

1517429

I think this break up could well be for the best. Clinical depression is a horrible, debilitating, illness of the mind, and makes even the most remarkable of people unlikable, and a drain. It's quite possible that if the relationship had continued, you would have broke up with him. Perhaps wise to end it before things got too bad.