Broke up with boyfriend why was he so concerned about how I dress.
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Original post by RainbowKiwi
Smh.
Why?
Original post by Josb
Are you sure you're not lesbian?
well sex doesn't do anything for me full stop neither does oral I got turned on by cuddling my boyfriend and him stroking my back that's it lol. Spanking really turns me on but it's weird so I keep it to myself lol no doubt he would have said that was abnormal too. But no sex/intercoursewith anyone doesn't turn me on.
Original post by Josb
Why?
I just like shaking my head.
Original post by Anonymous
well sex doesn't do anything for me full stop neither does oral I got turned on by cuddling my boyfriend and him stroking my back that's it lol. Spanking really turns me on but it's weird so I keep it to myself lol no doubt he would have said that was abnormal too. But no sex/intercoursewith anyone doesn't turn me on.
You didn't really answer the question. Do you like sex with guys?
I think the fact you don't like sex is much more a dealbreaker for him than how you dress.
Original post by xylas
But the point is exactly the opposite: you don't have to dress a certain way. It's completely your choice and that is exactly the way it should be. If you're happy then it is indeed fine and perfect for you. No-one can change you, but at the same time no-one has to be with you. There are many single people in this world and this too is an unescapable fact.
You have to dress a certain way to be accepted in the case of my boyfriend and you said most men had his attitude to how a woman should dress. My point was why do women have to make the extra effort with makeup hair dress and all that In Order to be with someone yet men can just stick on jeans and a t shirt. That's all I want to do, they would be clothes made for a female so would be feminine and wouldn't look any worse that the man was wearing yet I'd most likely be rejected because of this.
Original post by Josb
You didn't really answer the question. Do you like sex with guys?
I think the fact you don't like sex is much more a dealbreaker for him than how you dress.
I think the fact you don't like sex is much more a dealbreaker for him than how you dress.
I like cuddling/some foreplay and can get turned on being around a guy but I don't like intercourse, I can understand the pleasure a man gets but for me as a female it's like being sawn in half lol. Yes that was the deal breaker as I said he has every right and deserves to be with someone who can sexually satisfy him as it's important in a relationship. What annoys me is all the issues he had about me not acting or dressing like a female or wearing heels. He can't help who is is attracted to but he kept calling me odd because of it and that it wasn't natural.
Original post by Lemon Haze
Clothes are not just clothes, they are a visual expression of who you are. In this case what you wear doesn't seem make your boyfriend think any good of you...
You should dress how you like, however, maybe you should just try and make a little more effort. Not for your boyfriend, but just to better represent yourself?
You should dress how you like, however, maybe you should just try and make a little more effort. Not for your boyfriend, but just to better represent yourself?
What make an effort to be something she's not and makes her uncomfortable? Just because she isn't wearing a skirt and heels doesn't mean she's not making any effort. How on earth would it 'better represent' her either, she went down the pub not to a friggin job interview and jeans and a top is hardly dressing like a tramp. She should be able to dress however she wants without pressure to conform to any gender stereotypes. If it's such a huge deal to him he should go find someone else not try to change her. It's one thing to wear a skirt occasionally to please your boy if you have skirts and do that sometimes, quite another to do it when you literally don't own any skirts and feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing. He should respect that or **** off.
Original post by Anonymous
You have to dress a certain way to be accepted in the case of my boyfriend and you said most men had his attitude to how a woman should dress. My point was why do women have to make the extra effort with makeup hair dress and all that In Order to be with someone yet men can just stick on jeans and a t shirt. That's all I want to do, they would be clothes made for a female so would be feminine and wouldn't look any worse that the man was wearing yet I'd most likely be rejected because of this.
If you want to be accepted by boys then yes you will have to act in a way that they want and vice versa. But you don't have to. You can easily continue living your life by your ideas and reject what guys want from girls. So it seems that you are weighing up your want to dress how you like compared to your want to be with a guy. Most likely a compromise will have to be made, but that's just life.
Original post by Anonymous
I like cuddling/some foreplay and can get turned on being around a guy but I don't like intercourse, I can understand the pleasure a man gets but for me as a female it's like being sawn in half lol. Yes that was the deal breaker as I said he has every right and deserves to be with someone who can sexually satisfy him as it's important in a relationship. What annoys me is all the issues he had about me not acting or dressing like a female or wearing heels. He can't help who is is attracted to but he kept calling me odd because of it and that it wasn't natural.
The dress was just a pretext.
From what you said, I don't think you will have long relationships with men.
Original post by Josb
The dress was just a pretext.
From what you said, I don't think you will have long relationships with men.
From what you said, I don't think you will have long relationships with men.
I can put up with intercourse even though it hurts but it's all the oral I don't like.
easy, find a guy who won't care how you dress and the fact that you don't enjoy sex
The former comes easy, the latter isn't happening.
Also, guys can wear a jeans and shirt. it is the usual guy dress. Would you be with a guy who wore girly stuff and argued all the same reasons exactly as you?
The former comes easy, the latter isn't happening.
Also, guys can wear a jeans and shirt. it is the usual guy dress. Would you be with a guy who wore girly stuff and argued all the same reasons exactly as you?
Original post by Anonymous
I can put up with intercourse even though it hurts but it's all the oral I don't like.
Oral on you or on him?
The fact that you still can "put up with intercourse" is not enough. Guys want you to enjoy it.
Original post by S-man10
easy, find a guy who won't care how you dress and the fact that you don't enjoy sex
The former comes easy, the latter isn't happening.
Also, guys can wear a jeans and shirt. it is the usual guy dress. Would you be with a guy who wore girly stuff and argued all the same reasons exactly as you?
The former comes easy, the latter isn't happening.
Also, guys can wear a jeans and shirt. it is the usual guy dress. Would you be with a guy who wore girly stuff and argued all the same reasons exactly as you?
I'm not wearing manly stuff though I'm wearing clothes made for women jeans, top and womens trainers or shoes. It's him that is saying this stuff is manly. I don't mind what he wears he could have worn anything made for men or even a skirt/kilt/ justin bieber style lol if I liked him it wouldn't stop me being with him. I've never asked him to wear more manly stuff or change his style.
Original post by Josb
Oral on you or on him?
The fact that you still can "put up with intercourse" is not enough. Guys want you to enjoy it.
The fact that you still can "put up with intercourse" is not enough. Guys want you to enjoy it.
It hurts though, it's the clit that can be enjoyable not actual intercourse as nothing is really being stimulated for the woman. I enjoy the foreplay cuddling massaging etc so I would gain from that and the man could gain from the intercourse.
I dunno some people are just weird. Probably best not to let him walk you home all the time etc and try your best to stay away from him at karate, you need to make a clean break. I think you should probably introspect as to why it is that you don't like sex, if you come to the conclusion that you simply have a low sex drive then this is something you will have to be aware of and bring up with potential partners.
It doesn't sound like you're doing it right, if it hurts you can't be wet, if you're not wet nothing should be going up there until such time as you are ready. You mention that you prefer clitoral stimulation, he sounds like a selfish lover, it doesn't take a genius to work out that the clit is going to feel good.
It's not a fair comparison as women are really the ones meant to display their bodies. Men show off through social dominance in interpersonal interactions within your social circle; and any accoutrements like, to be simplistic, nice suits and flash cars are symbols of social dominance in wider society. This isn't going to change any time soon, it's far older than the human species.
Obviously this doesn't imply any sort of rigid rule you have to follow, hell I quite like tomboyish girls, but the focus is always going to be on your clothes. I'd wager that even though you wear jeans and T-shirts and don't much care about clothes, you choose ones with twiddly design features, shapeliness, whatever that you don't see on male equivalents.
It doesn't sound like you're doing it right, if it hurts you can't be wet, if you're not wet nothing should be going up there until such time as you are ready. You mention that you prefer clitoral stimulation, he sounds like a selfish lover, it doesn't take a genius to work out that the clit is going to feel good.
Original post by Anonymous
So how can it be fine and perfect if the average males attitude wants a female to dress a certain way. How come men can get away with wearing simple things like jeans and t shirts and women have to dress appealing to the eye? I've not once asked my boyfriend to dress more masculine and show off his arms, muscles or legs etc. in fact I bought him a sleeveless top once and he wouldn't wear it as he said it was a showing off garment. Yet that's what dressing in a skirt and heels is all about. Female clothes include jeans (bootcut cut/skinny) and t shirts too I wore clothing made for females it's not like I shopped in the mens section. Female jeans and top are just the equivelent of men wearing male jeans and a t shirt. Also would you like to walk in heels? They are very restrictive.
It's not a fair comparison as women are really the ones meant to display their bodies. Men show off through social dominance in interpersonal interactions within your social circle; and any accoutrements like, to be simplistic, nice suits and flash cars are symbols of social dominance in wider society. This isn't going to change any time soon, it's far older than the human species.
Obviously this doesn't imply any sort of rigid rule you have to follow, hell I quite like tomboyish girls, but the focus is always going to be on your clothes. I'd wager that even though you wear jeans and T-shirts and don't much care about clothes, you choose ones with twiddly design features, shapeliness, whatever that you don't see on male equivalents.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by scrotgrot
It's not a fair comparison as women are really the ones meant to display their bodies. Men show off through social dominance in interpersonal interactions within your social circle; and any accoutrements like, to be simplistic, nice suits and flash cars are symbols of social dominance in wider society. This isn't going to change any time soon, it's far older than the human species.
It's not a fair comparison as women are really the ones meant to display their bodies. Men show off through social dominance in interpersonal interactions within your social circle; and any accoutrements like, to be simplistic, nice suits and flash cars are symbols of social dominance in wider society. This isn't going to change any time soon, it's far older than the human species.
Bit in bold is interesting, can you give examples of it?
Also you say that woman are meant to display bodies but then you mention that the focus is always going to be on the clothes.. which one is it?
Original post by Anonymous
It hurts though, it's the clit that can be enjoyable not actual intercourse as nothing is really being stimulated for the woman. I enjoy the foreplay cuddling massaging etc so I would gain from that and the man could gain from the intercourse.
How did you guys even get together in the first place? Didn't your boyfriends know that you weren't that into sex or did it all come out later?
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not wearing manly stuff though I'm wearing clothes made for women jeans, top and womens trainers or shoes. It's him that is saying this stuff is manly. I don't mind what he wears he could have worn anything made for men or even a skirt/kilt/ justin bieber style lol if I liked him it wouldn't stop me being with him. I've never asked him to wear more manly stuff or change his style.
that you though. many times i have heard what you have said, many times i have heard the opposite
plenty of women hate guys wearing girly stuff or something shabby or dressing like chavs. they want a gentlemen
You want to wear what you want to wear, fine, just find someone who likes that stuff on a girl. I have seen some guys like it. many don't. they want a feminine girls. female stereotypes and what not blah blah who cares. thats what they are attracted to
Original post by tootles44
How did you guys even get together in the first place? Didn't your boyfriends know that you weren't that into sex or did it all come out later?
It's a bit complicated. We started going for drinks then he asked if I would stop at his. I told him then that I didn't really want sex but liked to hug cuddle etc and that it was up to him if he still wanted to hang out/be friends. I obv put it in a nicer way than this lol. Anyway we were friends for weeks after still went out and I actually grew to like him.
One night though he said that he wanted to back off because he was starting to like me and didn't want to get attached and for me to go off with someone else. I told him that I enjoyed his company had started to like him and wouldn't go off with someone else but I mentioned that I've never been keen on sex. He said that he wasn't worried about the sex thing for the time being but that he just didn't want me meeting anyone else. I said I wouldn't and he said 'oh so we are a couple then' and put his arm round me. I liked him so agreed.
I did mention several times about the sex and my low sex drive but he said we would get to that eventually and I thought I'd give it a go. So months later obviously the problems have hit us. I was also worried about sti's things like herpes as they don't really test for these things and he's had a lot of partners with him being in his 40's. But yea I just don't have the urge or the drive for sex but I can get turned on by other stuff.
Original post by tootles44
Bit in bold is interesting, can you give examples of it?
Controlling the conversation etc. Confidence, humour, magnanimity, even bullying. Are you male or female? If you're a guy then at some point you'll have been outdone on this front by someone else and it'll have felt obvious what the pecking order is.
It's why girls aren't funny and don't buy rounds and rounds of drinks.
Also you say that woman are meant to display bodies but then you mention that the focus is always going to be on the clothes.. which one is it?
Displaying bodies doesn't just mean showing flesh, it means calling attention to various parts of your body in various subtly coded ways, which can include showing flesh but also includes a huge amount of other stuff.
Indeed I read a study of mating behaviour at nightclubs which showed the women showing too much skin were avoided more and dance interactions with them were shorter.
If you are a girl or have any experience whatsoever with them you will know that these codes, what clothes, designs, cut, brand you should wear, how much skin and where, piercings, tattoos, spray-tan, make-up, are fractal in their complexity.
It's why girls are sexier when they're wearing frilly lingerie than when they're just roaming about the house naked.
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