Deteriorating relationship with parents - Nursing career choice

Hi All!

Hoping you can help me deal with a particularly difficult situation I have with my parents regarding my career choice.

Im 24 and already have a degree in Biological Sciences, however upon completion I have realised I want to go into healthcare. So I decided to become a Nurse. My skills and talents are perfectly suited for it and I know I will make a really good nurse.

I start my Graduate Nursing programme in January and really excited about it.

HOWEVER

My parents hate it. They are 'ashamed and devastated' that I have chosen such a 'lowly' career that pays 'peanuts' and only 'not very intelligent' people get into. They want me to get into medicine and the only reasons for this are money and prestige. I cannot talk to them about it anymore because they literally dont let me speak and retort to anything I say with arguments about how nursing is so **** and being a doctor is better. Oh and how I'm a 'disappointment'. Lol. Lovely stuff.

I dont want to be a doctor. I want to be a NURSE! But they're not listening and think my life is 'going down the drain' and I will be earning '21,000 for the rest of my life'.

Im going down to see them next weekend and they said they want to have a 'chat about nursing' again. I dont know how many chats we need for them to realise I dont want to be a doctor and want to be a nurse.

So any advice on how to talk to them or improve the relationship would be great. Any people who are nurses/student nurses - how do your parents view your career choice? Wondering if anyone else has a bad relationship with their parents and how they cope with it? Im finding it extremely upsetting.

And YES i know its my life and I should do what I want to do. I am not going to leave my dream of becoming a nurse just because they dont like it. But I dont want to completely destroy my relationship with them. They are my parents after all.

Thank you!

Do what you want, they'll have to accept it. Nursing is a prestigious and ultimately well paid career now. Good luck

If you specialise in nursing premature babies you will find that doctors will defer to your judgement.

A good nurse makes such a difference to someone's well-being which speeds recovery.

It's your life and they should be proud of you!

Do what you want, it's your life, your parents can't make decisions for you now. I'm currently in college, and wanting to go onto nursing. I have to say that my mother seems quite proud of that.

Nursing is a career in which you can 'climb a ladder', and there are so many opportunities. I don't think that your parents truly realise how complex nursing can be, and the qualifications that you now need (very different to when they were younger and perhaps looking into careers).

I highly doubt that going into nursing will destroy your relationship with them! I know that I for one wouldn't want to go into a career, then regret it because it wasn't truly what I wanted to do, but something that I felt pushed into. I think you may need to express your possible passion for nursing to your parents, explain to them the opportunities that it can give you, including the different areas you can work in, and also the possible career progression it can offer you as a career on the whole.

Oh I'm not letting them make decisions for me - its just I don't want the relationship to become non existent. Its going towards that way though. I have more upsetting times than good times with them now. And I'm pretty much fed up with it.

I would dread going into Medicine. People who truly want to do it find it extremely difficult. I DONT want to do it. Wonder how well they think I would do in it lol. I have already expressed my passion and explained everything. To which my mum exclaimed 'Are you an idiot? How could you fall so hard?'

Hi! I am also facing a similar situation as I want to do vetmed and become a vet but my dad wants me to be a doctor as I should be "serving the community" and it has a "better reputation" and that I should "stop messing around with cows and goats".

My mum is v supportive h/e

I wish I could help you on how to improve your relationship but in all honesty my dad and I haven't spoken (pretty much ZERO talking) in about over a week. And I also don't really care/don't want to be the first to talk.

But I'll give you this advice; don't let the guilt get in the way. Stand strong and tall. If you want to do nursing, go for it! It's your life after all!

If they won't support you at all in your decision or try to see from your viewpoint, I would stop caring what your parents feel about it.
My mum and the rest of my family are really happy in my decision to become a nurse, if they can't see that you want to make a positive contribution to people lives then it's your parents loss really. It's on them if they want to damage your relationship, if anyone called me an idiot I would want nothing to do with them to be honest. I think you need to have a conversation with them explaining how they've made you feel and if they remain unsupportive i would not bother with contact them for a good while or at least make it clear that you don't need their negativity in your life.

I try not to care but its very hard.

Oh they said more than that. Here are a few quotes:

'How could you fall so far? Its like you became more stupid whilst doing your undergraduate degree.'

'I would be ashamed and devastated If my daughter was a nurse hanging IV bags all day'.

'How could I fail so much as a parent that you turned out that way?!'


And so on.... I have never forgiven them for saying that to me. But I did start speaking to them again. They didn't apologise and acted like nothing happened. :/ Which actually hurt more.

Its been a year and Im currently a healthcare assistant and they still haven't told any other extended family or friends what Im doing or planning to do. When I asked 'why?' they said 'we dont know what to say'.

Well my situation has been going on for about a year now. And we didn't talk for 3 months after I told them and we had a massive blow out. Then they adopted a different strategy of 'lets pressure her into medicine'. Which isn't helping. Now its getting closer to me starting my degree I think they are at a loss of what other strategies to come up with.

And yes guilt is a terrible thing! I hate to see my mum so upset with me. They try to make me realise its ME who is making everything worse. Not them. They are just trying to 'guide me'.

'stop messing around with cows and goats'.. LOL That made me laugh! XD

Sounds difficult for you too! But go for it - I wish you all the best!

Hi All!

I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago. I want to apply for a Modern Languages degree at Uni but my mum wants me to do Biological sciences because she believes that I'm more likely to end up with a job after graduation and that only lazy people who didn't do that well in school go and do languages. I managed to change her mind by saying "even though I can get into Biological Sciences I will not be successful because I have no passion for Biology anymore so there's no point in me applying the the first place" I also showed her statistics online which prove that people with languages degrees are more likely to be employed than those with a Biology degree. Although she's hurt and would MUCH prefer for me to do Science she supports me with languages now

I've had the same with my parents (except not with nursing) and the one thing I've realised is that your parents will get over it. It may take a while, and it may be difficult, but they will get over it in the end. If you really want to do it you can't let them stop you!

Nursing is a great job, a very important job, and it's not badly paid. Basic band 5 nurses don't earn great pay but there are lots of opportunities to specialise in band 6 posts, management in band 7 and above, advanced nurse practitioners earn typically 8a and above which is the same as a junior doctor and very similar duties as a junior doctor as well. Maybe you should explain this to them?



Languages students are SO employable. Dunno where your mum got that impression from. I would say languages students are even more employable than biology students; biology by itself isn't really seen as a very respected degree, it's known for being the 'easiest' science when compared to chemistry/physics, and unless you go into research or convert to a healthcare profession it's not very useful. Languages are such a useful skill and wherever you go and whatever you do, having a language will be impressive and useful!

REALLY? oh thank god because i'm constantly doubting myself thinking I should be doing Biological sciences and do languages in my spare time. Thank you