Problems in new relationship- please help
So about 2 and a half weeks ago, I agreed to go out with someone I've known from school for around 7 or 8 years. He still lives in our home town and I go to uni around 2 or 3 hours away, meaning we will have to go long distance in about a month's time.
For the first week or so, things were great. We talked loads, we got on really well, and things got physical very quickly. However, fast forward another week and I'm feeling this weird mix of really liking him but being really unhappy.
The first major problem is communication. When we're not together, he will barely text or message me, and often just read my messages and either not reply or take hours and hours to do so despite being online frequently in that time (the record is twelve hours. TWELVE.). Considering soon we're going long distance, this worries me. I've mentioned this worry a couple of times in passing but he always just shrugs it off or says it's not a problem. When we're together, things aren't all that much better- either he sits in silence looking at his phone, or he monologues about himself 80% of the time. As someone with depression and anxiety issues I need a lot of reassurance and communication to keep me happy, but it's just not happening.
The second issue is that I feel like things are moving too fast, but I don't know how to slow them down. He told me he loved me two days after we got together, talks about future plans to have kids, and has said he wants to be married by 24 (to me or not, I'm not sure). He was quite pushy in getting us to be "Facebook official", and after that point was kind of when the communication went downhill. Again, as someone with anxiety issues, all of this is freaking me out a bit.
Finally, I'm beginning to wonder just how compatible we actually are. In one of his huge talking-about-himself sessions he went on a lot about his values and his wishes for the future etc., and while I know any couple are obviously going to have their differences, I'm worried we have just too many for this to work out.
I've got myself very stressed and upset about this over the last few days, and I don't know what to do. I'm not happy in this version of us being together, but the thought of us breaking up makes me upset too. I need to talk to him about it, but I'm scared to even broach the topic. HELP PLEASE!!!
For the first week or so, things were great. We talked loads, we got on really well, and things got physical very quickly. However, fast forward another week and I'm feeling this weird mix of really liking him but being really unhappy.
The first major problem is communication. When we're not together, he will barely text or message me, and often just read my messages and either not reply or take hours and hours to do so despite being online frequently in that time (the record is twelve hours. TWELVE.). Considering soon we're going long distance, this worries me. I've mentioned this worry a couple of times in passing but he always just shrugs it off or says it's not a problem. When we're together, things aren't all that much better- either he sits in silence looking at his phone, or he monologues about himself 80% of the time. As someone with depression and anxiety issues I need a lot of reassurance and communication to keep me happy, but it's just not happening.
The second issue is that I feel like things are moving too fast, but I don't know how to slow them down. He told me he loved me two days after we got together, talks about future plans to have kids, and has said he wants to be married by 24 (to me or not, I'm not sure). He was quite pushy in getting us to be "Facebook official", and after that point was kind of when the communication went downhill. Again, as someone with anxiety issues, all of this is freaking me out a bit.
Finally, I'm beginning to wonder just how compatible we actually are. In one of his huge talking-about-himself sessions he went on a lot about his values and his wishes for the future etc., and while I know any couple are obviously going to have their differences, I'm worried we have just too many for this to work out.
I've got myself very stressed and upset about this over the last few days, and I don't know what to do. I'm not happy in this version of us being together, but the thought of us breaking up makes me upset too. I need to talk to him about it, but I'm scared to even broach the topic. HELP PLEASE!!!
dump that ho.
It doesnt sound like its goibg to work. This early on there shouldn't be obvious issues. Might be best to finish this now before it goes much further
Original post by Anonymous
dump that ho.
haha, short but sweet... the problem is, I still really like him, so I either stay with him and stay upset or leave and be upset...
Original post by Mimsycrafts
It doesnt sound like its goibg to work. This early on there shouldn't be obvious issues. Might be best to finish this now before it goes much further
I kind of want to but I'm so scared to, and at the same time I still really like him.... Arghhhh!
Leave and be upset. Because you have the potential to get over your upset and find a person that 'makes your heart sing'
Original post by choc biscuit
Leave and be upset. Because you have the potential to get over your upset and find a person that 'makes your heart sing'
Very true. I'm only 20 after all!!
Original post by Anonymous
haha, short but sweet... the problem is, I still really like him, so I either stay with him and stay upset or leave and be upset...
OK here's a logical way to think about it.
Rate how upset you would be on both scenario's on a 1 to 10 scale.
Now scenario 1, if you "dump that ho" you'd get over the breakup after 4 weeks max - if it takes longer then you have problems :/. Multiply that 4 weeks by your rating.
Now for scenario 2, do the same and multiply it by how ever long you think your relationship will last.
Then voila you can make a numerical comparison and you can make the right decision based on how upset you would be by the time you'd be.
Easy.
Original post by IAmYourdog
OK here's a logical way to think about it.
Rate how upset you would be on both scenario's on a 1 to 10 scale.
Now scenario 1, if you "dump that ho" you'd get over the breakup after 4 weeks max - if it takes longer then you have problems :/. Multiply that 4 weeks by your rating.
Now for scenario 2, do the same and multiply it by how ever long you think your relationship will last.
Then voila you can make a numerical comparison and you can make the right decision based on how upset you would be by the time you'd be.
Easy.
Rate how upset you would be on both scenario's on a 1 to 10 scale.
Now scenario 1, if you "dump that ho" you'd get over the breakup after 4 weeks max - if it takes longer then you have problems :/. Multiply that 4 weeks by your rating.
Now for scenario 2, do the same and multiply it by how ever long you think your relationship will last.
Then voila you can make a numerical comparison and you can make the right decision based on how upset you would be by the time you'd be.
Easy.
Haha, how very logical! You definitely have a point though, I guess I need to weigh up what's going to be best in the long run...
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