Bereavement Help and Support

Hi

Thought I'd better give news on my Grandad... if anyone's interested...

Mum came around yesterday, and gave me an update. He's being moved out of the hospital and into a care home. Things have accelerated more than we previously thought, hence the move. He's got weeks now, a few months at the most....

I think it's starting to affect my college work, even if I'm not aware of it. My Film and Psychology grades have gone down quite a bit - for some reason I've managed to stay afloat in Sociology. My college don't know what's happening though.

Don't quite know what to do or think...

Maybe tell your head of college or one of the teachers you trust most that you've been having a difficult time so they can support you and cut you some slack and help you through it?

Try talking to your mum about it as well, I find talking to people who are close to you/ involved in the situation helps more because it distributes the weight on all of your shoulders instead of having to carry everything by yourself you know?

I'm sorry about what's happening with your grandad but maybe if you visit him frequently and tell him about how your studies are going well etc and make him happy and proud in his last moments? Think of the happy times

My Sociology teacher knows, and she's made it clear to me that she's there if I want to talk... I might have to tell my form tutor (who's also my Psych teacher) soon though.

I've never really been close to Mum, but I try and talk to her as often as I can. I struggle a lot with my emotions (possibly due to my Aspergers) so even I can't say how I really feel. Plus Mum's the one who's organising everything and with Grandad quite often.

Yeah I visited him on Saturday, but one of his friends was there so he didn't acknowledge me much. I did get to see my little brother and my aunt though.

I didn't really think I've ever been that close to him, but last Wednesday mum said "You used to be close to him too"... which just reminded me of when I was a child.

Grandad has got worse Dad says he'll be lucky if he makes it to next weekend... I'm going to see him tomorrow (today). I don't even know what to say right now, I'm sorry My relationship with Mum still isn't good either which really isn't helping, though at least my tutor knows now so she's aware that if I'm distracted I have a reason. My film teacher still has no clue. Up until now I haven't really been too upset, but now it's looming... After my dad told me I was in tears (after ending the conversation and putting the phone down, I hate showing weaknesses).

Apparently my 11 year old sister and 5 year old brother got told yesterday too... They're so upset right now we all are...

I don't know how my college work will be affected either... I'd love to make both him and my great-gran (who I was very close to and passed away a few years ago) proud by getting into university...

Grandad has got worse Dad says he'll be lucky if he makes it to next weekend... I'm going to see him tomorrow (today). I don't even know what to say right now, I'm sorry My relationship with Mum still isn't good either which really isn't helping, though at least my tutor knows now so she's aware that if I'm distracted I have a reason. My film teacher still has no clue. Up until now I haven't really been too upset, but now it's looming... After my dad told me I was in tears (after ending the conversation and putting the phone down, I hate showing weaknesses).

Apparently my 11 year old sister and 5 year old brother got told yesterday too... They're so upset right now we all are...

I don't know how my college work will be affected either... I'd love to make both him and my great-gran (who I was very close to and passed away a few years ago) proud by getting into university...

That's really sad, but I hope you can see him today I'm in a similar situation myself, visiting grandad in hospital this weekend and going home today but he lives quite far away so no idea when or if I'll see him again. I'm here whenever you need to talk

It sounds like you're doing pretty well given the circumstances you should never feel guilty for having a break and enjoying work! Slowly there will become more good than bad days and you'll hopefully feel less guilty about continuing living your life and your mum will start to learn how to cope more with it. I hope the funeral gets sorted soon - do you have any ideas in mind for that?

I'm sure you wouldn't mind doing the same for your friend is the situation was in reverse, so try not to feel bad

Posted from TSR Mobile

Hey. It's been a while since i've felt I could reply..

4 Months on and good days have become fewer. That one friend often asks me how i'm doing when we text - I always end up replying with 'ok', 'alright' or just ignoring that part altogether. I know inside I'm not ok, alright and want to tell everyone but I can't. Not because I can't talk to these people, but because I don't want their pitty, there is nothing they can say that will make things better and it would just ruin their days and i'd become a burden. Having said that, I can already tell I text this one friend far too often which I know is unfair and is starting to become annoying.

This Easter break has been pretty difficult, mainly because it means more time at home. I only have 5 weeks left of uni before the summer and i'm wondering how i'll cope when I clearly am not as it stands.

Hope you're all doing well.

Grandad passed away at 6:05pm tonight...

I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.

I have college tomorrow...

Grandad passed away at 6:05pm tonight...

I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.

I have college tomorrow...

Hey. It's been a while since i've felt I could reply..

4 Months on and good days have become fewer. That one friend often asks me how i'm doing when we text - I always end up replying with 'ok', 'alright' or just ignoring that part altogether. I know inside I'm not ok, alright and want to tell everyone but I can't. Not because I can't talk to these people, but because I don't want their pitty, there is nothing they can say that will make things better and it would just ruin their days and i'd become a burden. Having said that, I can already tell I text this one friend far too often which I know is unfair and is starting to become annoying.

This Easter break has been pretty difficult, mainly because it means more time at home. I only have 5 weeks left of uni before the summer and i'm wondering how i'll cope when I clearly am not as it stands.

Hope you're all doing well.

(This is me)
Posting Anonymously just makes me worry if i've ticked the box or not! Don't often use TSR anymore so theres no point hiding in the shadows.

I'm really sorry to hear this! We're all hear for you talk to, on this thread or PM - whichever you prefer. All I can say is that time does help, trust me, but use this time to think about the memories with him and to help to support your family too. It's okay to cry for hours if you need, and if you need some time off, it could help you in the long run. Look after yourself at this awful time

I'm really sorry of your loss

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you, it means a lot I went to see him on Thursday, the day before the doc got called out. Mum called and asked if I wanted to go see him today or whether I wanted to remember him as he was and I chose the latter... Now I feel really guilty for it and keep wondering if he would have hated me had he known. At the moment I'll be crying for like 10 minutes and then supposedly completely fine, it's comfusing

My friend basically ordered me not to go into college tomorrow so... and Tuesday is a full day so if I feel okay I'll go back on Wednesday. I'm just kinda glad my brother and sister don't go back this week.

Grandad passed away at 6:05pm tonight...

I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.

I have college tomorrow...

I think it was a really sensible decision to make and, honestly, seeing him frail would have been really difficult and not helpful for either of you. I understand the guilt though - I chose to go home and not see my dad's last breath, because I wanted to see him alive and not see his last breath, and although I will always wonder if it was the right choice, I know he wouldn't have wanted me to see that and remember him alive (even if he was in a coma at the time). Sometimes feeling numb or 'fine' is a self protection, you're going through a lot and it shows emotional resilience if you can have times, no matter how short, of feeling less upset. It's early days so you're going to have good times and bad - it was literally yesterday that he passed away, so you are having good moments and bad moments instead of days. Give it time and you'll have longer times of feeling better, and the bad times will be less frequent. It's all part of the process - remember nothing is 'normal' for grief, so if you feel a bit better before you expect then don't feel guilty, feel proud - I'm sure your grandad would be very proud of you

I'm really sorry to hear his. having experienced it myself I think its almost the worst thing that can happen to you in life.

However you feel or react its ok, we all react in different ways. Cry if you wnat to dont cry if you dont want. I expect it will feel surreal.

Whilst you will have to deal with some very difficult feelings on the one hand its important you look after yourself as well. that means trying to eat and get some sleep if you can.

Am sure you will post vack here for company if you need to. Take care.

Grandad passed away at 6:05pm tonight...

I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.

I have college tomorrow...