The Student Room Group

Lost at University

I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?

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Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


Give it a while. You'll start lectures now, and meeting people on your course. You can start going to society meets and clubs, meet more people. You'll eventually settle into a routine and make friends.

If you're still feeling horrible a while in, then you might want to speak to someone at university, and weigh up some more options.
Reply 2
Original post by alow
Have you tried getting a map?


😂Your comment really made me laugh
Reply 3
Original post by L'Evil Fish
Give it a while. You'll start lectures now, and meeting people on your course. You can start going to society meets and clubs, meet more people. You'll eventually settle into a routine and make friends.

If you're still feeling horrible a while in, then you might want to speak to someone at university, and weigh up some more options.


Thank you, I forgot about the clubs and societies as we have not had our freshers fair yet.
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


I'm sure you will feel better soon, some people find it easier to cope with the transition than others but there are without a doubt a lot of people that feel the same as you. If you are really finding it hard to cope then maybe try to find out if you could speak to a councilor at your university? They will definitely have these services available and it wouldn't have to be a recurring thing if you don't want it to be but they might be able to suggest some ways to help you feel better whilst you adjust to your new surroundings. I have no doubt that you will adjust but it might just make it easier in the interim.
Original post by laaurennd
Thank you, I forgot about the clubs and societies as we have not had our freshers fair yet.


Freshers fayre will be a great way to just throw yourself into a load of activities.

Tbh, if you do loads and loads of activities, along with your workload, you won't have any time to feel bad :biggrin:
Reply 6
Original post by L'Evil Fish
Freshers fayre will be a great way to just throw yourself into a load of activities.

Tbh, if you do loads and loads of activities, along with your workload, you won't have any time to feel bad :biggrin:


That is exactly what I plan to do ☺️
Reply 7
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


You are on the right track - take small steps and enjoy the moment - you will develop friendship naturally and there is of course the student union and student forums and groups you can network with...
Reply 8
Original post by Plagioclase
I'm sure you will feel better soon, some people find it easier to cope with the transition than others but there are without a doubt a lot of people that feel the same as you. If you are really finding it hard to cope then maybe try to find out if you could speak to a councilor at your university? They will definitely have these services available and it wouldn't have to be a recurring thing if you don't want it to be but they might be able to suggest some ways to help you feel better whilst you adjust to your new surroundings. I have no doubt that you will adjust but it might just make it easier in the interim.


Thank you
Reply 9
Original post by inachigeek21
I feel lost for my GCSEs...


What do you mean?
Trust me stick with it until christmas before you make any decisions you may regret. I've been there too.
Reply 11
Original post by Lionheart96
Trust me stick with it until christmas before you make any decisions you may regret. I've been there too.


Yeah I am going to keep at it till christmas seems logical, what helped you?
Reply 12
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


If it is any consolation whatsoever - I am currently in exactly the same boat. Right now I'm listening to them getting drunk down the corridor and outside is no salvation. Invest in some ear plugs if you haven't already! They are worth it!

It took my sister more than a year before she settled down and found a group of tight friends at Uni - hold onto the fact that getting drunk with a host of others is NOT, and never will be, a true friendship. The people in my block are lovely in the sense that they continuously invite me to come out with them - but it is what they indulge in that I am simply not interested in.

What I would say is (and I know it's a cliché!) get involved in societies and sports which you are interested in - everyone else who is in the room shares an interest with you. Utilise that, but whatever you do - another cliché coming up! - don't get pushed into doing something you do not want to do. If you don't want to drink then don't drink. Don't forget who you are - walk in integrity - not lies. Do what you perceive to be the right thing. I know friends are important - but you don't want to end up with the wrong bunch! I think we'll both find that the relationships these people have 'built' through drinking will last no longer than the year they share a building together. It is much more valuable to have a friendship with a single person that holds no drama, than having hundreds complete with drinking and drama.

As for going home - how far away do you live? Is there a possibility that you could leave Friday evening and spend the weekend there?

Unfortunately there is no magic wand and nobody can say whether you will have a great time. There will be highs and lows. But you have a degree of power to make university the best experience that it can be for you. Don't forget that.
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


You're going to be fine.
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


This happens for a majority of people. Everybody experiences the first few weeks and days of university differently. You have to remember it's a massive change to go through. You've moved, it's a different setting, different people and a different place. It's difficult to adjust too and sometimes it just takes settling into everything after the transition and then everything will fall into place!

I'm sure everything will be okay. Just keep doing what you are doing, socialising, keeping yourself busy and what not! It'll get better :smile:
For all those feeling a bit 'lost' at the moment, here's a really simply tip - every night before you go to bed, make of note about something nice/funny/positive that happened at Uni that day and put it on a sticky note on your wall. Before long you will have a wall covered in positive experiences about being at Uni and you will stop focussing-in on the negative things about being at Uni. Try it - it really helps.
Please, please wait until Christmas. My roommate went through the same thing as you and dropped out about six weeks in after going home for reading week. She loved her course at the beginning and then came back after reading week stating that she hated her course and had had enough. She gave up trying a few weeks in and even though she seems happy now, I still think she gave up too soon. I know loads of people who had ups and downs but for most, the ups outweighed the downs.

If you have nice people around you, please wait until Christmas to decide.

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Original post by Surf
If it is any consolation whatsoever - I am currently in exactly the same boat. Right now I'm listening to them getting drunk down the corridor and outside is no salvation. Invest in some ear plugs if you haven't already! They are worth it!

It took my sister more than a year before she settled down and found a group of tight friends at Uni - hold onto the fact that getting drunk with a host of others is NOT, and never will be, a true friendship. The people in my block are lovely in the sense that they continuously invite me to come out with them - but it is what they indulge in that I am simply not interested in.

What I would say is (and I know it's a cliché!) get involved in societies and sports which you are interested in - everyone else who is in the room shares an interest with you. Utilise that, but whatever you do - another cliché coming up! - don't get pushed into doing something you do not want to do. If you don't want to drink then don't drink. Don't forget who you are - walk in integrity - not lies. Do what you perceive to be the right thing. I know friends are important - but you don't want to end up with the wrong bunch! I think we'll both find that the relationships these people have 'built' through drinking will last no longer than the year they share a building together. It is much more valuable to have a friendship with a single person that holds no drama, than having hundreds complete with drinking and drama.

As for going home - how far away do you live? Is there a possibility that you could leave Friday evening and spend the weekend there?

Unfortunately there is no magic wand and nobody can say whether you will have a great time. There will be highs and lows. But you have a degree of power to make university the best experience that it can be for you. Don't forget that.


Christ, another non-drinker with a stick up their arse.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 18
Original post by Surf
If it is any consolation whatsoever - I am currently in exactly the same boat. Right now I'm listening to them getting drunk down the corridor and outside is no salvation. Invest in some ear plugs if you haven't already! They are worth it!

It took my sister more than a year before she settled down and found a group of tight friends at Uni - hold onto the fact that getting drunk with a host of others is NOT, and never will be, a true friendship. The people in my block are lovely in the sense that they continuously invite me to come out with them - but it is what they indulge in that I am simply not interested in.

What I would say is (and I know it's a cliché!) get involved in societies and sports which you are interested in - everyone else who is in the room shares an interest with you. Utilise that, but whatever you do - another cliché coming up! - don't get pushed into doing something you do not want to do. If you don't want to drink then don't drink. Don't forget who you are - walk in integrity - not lies. Do what you perceive to be the right thing. I know friends are important - but you don't want to end up with the wrong bunch! I think we'll both find that the relationships these people have 'built' through drinking will last no longer than the year they share a building together. It is much more valuable to have a friendship with a single person that holds no drama, than having hundreds complete with drinking and drama.

As for going home - how far away do you live? Is there a possibility that you could leave Friday evening and spend the weekend there?

Unfortunately there is no magic wand and nobody can say whether you will have a great time. There will be highs and lows. But you have a degree of power to make university the best experience that it can be for you. Don't forget that.


Thank you, I completely agree with the friendships built though drinking will no doubt last no longer than a year I can even see that happening between people in my halls. Everyone was sociable while they were drinking however when it comes to the next morning no words are exchanged. I do hope that the both of us do get out of this phase, as University isn't cheap and I do want to have a great experience here. I live an hour away by train so it isn't that bad, I just do not want to go home Friday and spend the weekend with my family and then not want to return back to university as i can see that happening.
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.

I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?


I felt the same as you, like many other do.

However, as posted stated, your lectures will be starting soon along with tutorials, you'll meet as well as study with a lot of individuals. Join clubs and societies. Things will be normal soon and you'll have 2-3 who you discuss study with.

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