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Questions for people in long distance relationships

I'm moving away for my year abroad and leaving my boyfriend back in our uni city. it's only been a couple of days since i saw him and i feel so awful and i'm scared it's going to hold me back. we haven't decided if we are going to stay together or not yet... i can't imagine not being with him or talking but i miss him so much and i don't know what he wants. i have some questions for people doing the distance:


how long were you long distance for?

how often did your see your partner?

was it worth it in the end?

how do you overcome the paranoia that they will find someone else/sleep with someone else while you're away without being too needy?

does it get easier?
Original post by Anonymous

how long were you long distance for?

how often did your see your partner?

was it worth it in the end?

how do you overcome the paranoia that they will find someone else/sleep with someone else while you're away without being too needy?

does it get easier?


1. 4/5months
2. We'll Skype/FaceTime whenever he has internet
3. As long as I get to be with him, it's worth it
4. I'm not paranoid, I know he loves me so I don't need to worry. I trust him completely
5. Being away from him won't get easier, but it'll get easier to distract yourself. Doesn't mean I won't miss him every minute of the day though
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous

how long were you long distance for?

how often did your see your partner?

was it worth it in the end?

how do you overcome the paranoia that they will find someone else/sleep with someone else while you're away without being too needy?

does it get easier?


1) 1 year (year abroad) + 3 months (internship abroad) + 2 years (masters + 1st year of PhD here in the UK). Then my bf moved here to be with me.

2) between 3 and 5 times a year during my lengthy absences. Every time it was for at least a week, sometimes 2/3 (i.e. when I was home for Christmas)

3) Yes, but then again for us splitting up was never an option. It's up to you to decide whether your relationship it's worth this sacrifice or not.

4) can't really answer, I trust my partner and he trusts me. I think it was harder for him since he was the one who stayed back in our hometown, but even he never assumed that I was gonna sleep with someone else just because I couldn't sleep with him while he was not there. I can survive for several months without having a penis in me, you know.

5) Yes.
Original post by Anonymous
how long were you long distance for?


I was long distance with my boyfriend for four and a half years. The distance varied from being only an hour's drive away, to being in different countries at different points during the relationship.

Original post by Anonymous
how often did your see your partner?


As the distance varied, so did the frequency of our visits. The longest time we spent apart was two months (not easy!), but most of the time, we saw each other every two or three weeks.

Original post by Anonymous
how do you overcome the paranoia that they will find someone else/sleep with someone else while you're away without being too needy?


As for the paranoia you describe, I never really had it, because I trust my boyfriend and we were both mature enough to know that we are in it for the long haul. Neither of us was attracted to anyone else, because we love each other, so it was never an issue for me.

There were times when he worried that I would forget him when I went away to university, but he didn't say much about it (I only really found out about his worries afterwards) and I always told him how much I loved him every time we saw each other anyway.

Original post by Anonymous
does it get easier?


It varies a lot. When we saw each other every weekend, then it was obviously much easier than when we went months without seeing each other (I nearly went mad during that time). When you're stressed or upset, then it's more difficult to cope with the distance and sometimes you start snapping at each other for no reason.

Sometimes it helps to countdown to the day you see each other again, sometimes it's easier just to get on with your life and not think about it too much.

How you react and how you cope will depend on you and your relationship - nobody can really predict it.

I wish I could tell you that it gets easier and easier until you're completely fine with it, but I think everyone has bad days.

Original post by Anonymous
was it worth it in the end?


Hell yes. There was never any time when I wondered if it was worth it.

The night I met my boyfriend, I pointed him out to my little brother and said "How do you like the look of your future brother-in-law?" I don't know how, but some part of me knew that this would be my life partner; that this was the man for me.

No distance, no time spent apart was going to get in the way of my love for him and his love for me.

We've now been living together for three months (three months today, actually!) and I am happier than I have every been. Waking up with him every morning and going to bed with him every night is how I want it to be for the rest of my life.


In conclusion, long distance relationships are not easy and they can be very painful. I would recommend that only people who really love each other - and are really committed to each other - try to have a long distance relationship, because otherwise it's not worth the pain.
(edited 8 years ago)
I agree with the other posts... I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years one of which has been spent at opposite ends of the country at uni.. It is difficult but with skype and facebook he'll easily be able to contact you.

With overcoming the paranoia, just think that he's probably going to be thinking the exact same thing as you... you'll be in a completely new surrounding and whilst you may worry he'll find someone else he's more than likely to be thinking the same!
If you are 100% committed, then it can work, it all depends on your frame of mind, positive thinking is what will get you through it!

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