Found out my boyfriend has Tinder. Advice please???

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Reply 20

physicst

People always want to have a backup op , don't worry you must have a tinder account

Reply 21

Astronomy Nerd

Original post by garfeeled

A simple resolution to this would be to ask him to change his status on tinder to in a relationship. If he is unwilling then that indicates that he was being intentional by not including and if he does then he is clearly there to make friends.

Tinder is a hookup site nit Facebook. Being cautious about the fact he uses it isn't over stepping boundaries. Generally.

As soon as I had looked through the messages he deleted the app and said he'll never go on it again. But obviously I can no longer trust what he says.

Reply 22

username2176541

Original post by Astronomy Nerd

My friend sent me a screenshot of his profile seeing as she has Tinder and I don't. In his bio he doesn't mention that he's in a relationship, and me and him have been together for just over four months.
He downloaded the app about 3 weeks ago and has been active on it a lot since. I confronted him and he said that it's just to meet friends, but when I looked through his Tinder messages (with his permission, I didn't just take it) the conversations were only with attractive females, about 7 of them.

One female in particular he talked to a lot, and their conversation was quite flirty, but at one point she asked him what he was doing this weekend and he replied with "seeing friends and stuff", when actually he was spending this weekend with me. So clearly he doesn't want her to know he has a girlfriend. When I asked him to explain this he just replied with "I don't know" and offered no better explanation.

I just don't know what to do because this is what happened in my previous relationship, I found him chatting to other girls and pretending to be single and that ended with him cheating on me with a co-worker. I never trusted him though.

This guy, however, I trusted 100%. I never thought he'd do something like this. He was apologising and crying, but....how can I trust him? What would you do in my situation?

Thanks.

Oh, should probably mention our ages. I'm 19, he's 21.

Make an account and talk to him with fake stuff. See if he really loves you.

Reply 23

Bigboy948

Original post by samina_ay

He sounds like a ****boy

DIE

Reply 24

happytobehmrc

You sound like a doormat. You don't need advice, you know what to do. From here on in it's your choice weather you continue being a door mat or act like someone who has respect for themselves.

Still boggled by the fact you are even with him after confirming he has a tinder account.

Reply 25

uberteknik

He's 21, you are 19. Whatever else he tells you, his actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying he's hedging his bets.

The excuses and no real explanation say he is protecting himself and hoping this will all blow over in time. Your trust is in pieces and he has not helped build that with you.

You need to protect yourself and constantly looking over your shoulder with suspicion is not your fault and no way to feel safe in a relationship. Respect yourself, stick with your values and standards and tell him as much as it hurts, he has betrayed your trust and that is a deal breaker.

You cannot tell him how to live his life, that is his decision. However, he has chosen to do something behind your back which you cannot live with.

Dump him and move on. Four months is nothing, believe me, you will be over this in a few short weeks. Enjoy your new freedom, find your independent self and gain your own confidence.

You are the one in control of your own life and definitely do not hand that control over to someone else.

Harsh? Yes. Hard to swallow? Yes. Worth staying with the risk of him dumping you when he finds someone else or you find out it's gone a lot further than flirting a few years down the line and a lot more than hurt feelings and pride at stake? No.

Perhaps the good from being dumped will be that he learns from this and starts to grow up and put his future partners feelings and interests above his own selfishness.

Don't look back. Good luck.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 26

BerniHurton

Tell him about what happened in your past relationship, and how you are worried as it seems to be happening again. tell him that you 100% trusted him, and that that is why you are more scared.

Reply 27

Advanced Subsidiary

Dump his ass right this second. You're being taken for a fool.

Much more quality men out there.

Reply 28

ice_man

wake up girl

he lookin for a side ho

Reply 29

Sweet n Sour

This is cheating?! Wtf is he doing?!

Reply 30

Rakas21

Inform him that he has 24 hours to delete it otherwise you will consider it an act of disloyalty and break up.

Reply 31

samina_ay

Original post by Bigboy948

DIE

Excuse me????

Reply 32

annarchy.

He doesn't sound genuine. He shouldn't be downloading tinder in the first place. He is also covering up seeing you and stuff. He doesn't sound committed and I think you need to have a think about whether this relationship is worth carrying on with.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 33

RoyalMarine

Original post by Astronomy Nerd

yes I do the same. We are guys in our prime, we must have fun now or never. If
you want saints look in churches but lots of paedophiles there.

Reply 34

Moura

The thing about tinder is that it's a real ego booster. You can see who finds you attractive without actually meaning to do anything. I've been tempted in the past to redownload it (though I've never used it properly) even though I have a boyfriend just to flick through because it IS fun when you match with people you find attractive and it's an ego boost as people you find attractive also find you attractive. I would never do anything about it though. it is also really fun like a game when you match with someone it's like winning lol. i never re downloaded it though because a lot of my guy friends and aquaintances have it so thought it might be weird for them to see me because it does have a stigma. also couldnt be bothered

As for the conversations... I would also say that's an ego boost. It's not like he's trying to meet up with them... though I do think it's a step too far and not really acceptable I would forgive him this time if you feel you can move past it. it sounds like you being so angry has scared him about losing you.When he hasn't mentioned the girlfriend thing... if he's trying to have a convo to make himself feel better about himself then he's not going to mention you as that would be the end of any conversation!

I think he is quite insecure but I don't think this is a serious reason to break up if you love him.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 35

Skeptique

Original post by Astronomy Nerd

he's 21.

Hes 21 and still cries?
lol dump his ass!

Reply 36

Astronomy Nerd

Original post by Moura

That is what I originally thought, because he is quite an insecure person especially regarding his appearance. But if this was the case why didn't he just admit it to me instead of making up fake-sounding excuses. I do love him..I'm just gonna have to take a while to think about it I guess. I think most people deserve second chances, and second chances only.
Thanks for the input, by the way!

Reply 37

Moura

Original post by Astronomy Nerd

Because that's hard for a guy to admit and also he might not even realise it himself that he was doing it for a confidence boost. But if you don't feel right about the situation then you know what you should do.

At the end of the day if you love him and believe his apology is genuine, and think it's worth the risk of being hurt again to keep things going, then do. don't just do what you "should" do. good luck! :smile:

Reply 38

Truflais

Original post by silverbolt

if hes using tinder to meet friends then hes also using his xbox to mix cocktails.

He added tinder AFTER getting with you, Tinder is a hook up site, nithing more

Not necessarily true - my brother met his girlfriend of over a year on Tinder. It's different for different people but for the most part, yes it is just full of people looking for sex.

I can't speak for you OP, but I know I wouldn't be okay with a partner doing that. I'd end the relationship personally.