Alone at university :(
So I have been at university for 2 and a half weeks now. I don't really have any friends
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??Scroll to see replies
Ah, I wish I could help you, but I am in the same situation! It's like I have made friends, but they all seem to just hang out with their own flatmates or their own friends. I feel like I can talk to people on my course, but struggle to find people I can actually spend time with during the day and night outside of uni. My flatmates are nice, but they are in their second year so they have already established their own friendship groups. I am sure if we keep at it, things will work out eventually.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by TheGuy1
So I have been at university for 2 and a half weeks now. I don't really have any friends. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??I don't have my advice because I am in the exact same situation as you right now! I'm just in my room being miserable atm.
Seriously considering dropping out tbh!
same... have good acquaintances everywhere but absolute 0 friend. just get pissed off listening to flatmates and people walking around having ****ton of fun all the time fml
I think it takes a bit of perseverance sometimes. Alot of people with groups of friends who look really close only have superficial friendships and are pretending to like each other more than they do for fear of being lonely. To get to know someone you have to spend quite alot of time with them I think. So, if you think about all the people you have met, are there any that you think are the kind of person you'd like to get close to? Any of them have similar interests and personality?
If yes then I'd say invite them out for a coffee or try to spend more time with them. Two weeks really isn't enough time to get to know anyone I don't think. Or you could try to get closer to your course mates by talking to them about the work and then lead on to more social things?
It's quite a hard situation but alot of people who I have spoken to on here in a similar situation have replied with 'oh it doesnt matter now my ___ have invited me out so its all good!' haha
so hopefully it'll be the same for everyone on this thread
If yes then I'd say invite them out for a coffee or try to spend more time with them. Two weeks really isn't enough time to get to know anyone I don't think. Or you could try to get closer to your course mates by talking to them about the work and then lead on to more social things?
It's quite a hard situation but alot of people who I have spoken to on here in a similar situation have replied with 'oh it doesnt matter now my ___ have invited me out so its all good!' haha
so hopefully it'll be the same for everyone on this threadHi guys,
I share all your sentiments about making friends outside and coming home to a dull,disengaging room. But there is so much superficialness in university it's untrue! Most of the said friendships don't make it through the first year. Everyone is trying to be something else in order to fit in. After a while, the pretence will fade and people's real characters come out AND that is the best time to make real friends. Making friends at this time just results in unnecessary drama. Just hang in there for a bit and you will find the right people to hang out with. Please do not quit. It will get better. Good luck you all. xxx
I share all your sentiments about making friends outside and coming home to a dull,disengaging room. But there is so much superficialness in university it's untrue! Most of the said friendships don't make it through the first year. Everyone is trying to be something else in order to fit in. After a while, the pretence will fade and people's real characters come out AND that is the best time to make real friends. Making friends at this time just results in unnecessary drama. Just hang in there for a bit and you will find the right people to hang out with. Please do not quit. It will get better. Good luck you all. xxx
Original post by TheGuy1
So I have been at university for 2 and a half weeks now. I don't really have any friends. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??These society's should have club or social night do you not go to them? If you don't mind me asking what sociatys are you part of?
I would say hang in there
I was such a shy person before I came to university and was scared I wouldn't make any friends, but it was actually the opposite
I would say try and build more of a friendship with your flatmates if they are the type of people you want to hang out with, get involved in their conversations and don't always close your room, I used open my room door especially the first day because I just thought why not? And I met one of my flatmates and now we are such closer friends (we are in second year doing different courses)
What course are you on? Sometimes in a lecture hall it may be hard to actually make friends because there's so many people so try talking to people in smaller group settings like outside lecture rooms or in workshops/seminars
Don't worry friends can be make at any time, sometimes people are lucky to make great friends in first year sometimes it comes in second year but don't be disheartened and feel sad, stick it out and focus on your work and course
I was such a shy person before I came to university and was scared I wouldn't make any friends, but it was actually the opposite
I would say try and build more of a friendship with your flatmates if they are the type of people you want to hang out with, get involved in their conversations and don't always close your room, I used open my room door especially the first day because I just thought why not? And I met one of my flatmates and now we are such closer friends (we are in second year doing different courses)
What course are you on? Sometimes in a lecture hall it may be hard to actually make friends because there's so many people so try talking to people in smaller group settings like outside lecture rooms or in workshops/seminars
Don't worry friends can be make at any time, sometimes people are lucky to make great friends in first year sometimes it comes in second year but don't be disheartened and feel sad, stick it out and focus on your work and course
My biggest recommendation for making friends - get a job. You'll bond a lot quicker with the people working with you behind the bar or in the cafe than you will with people on your course.
University is really tough when you first start - if you're feeling lonely at school/sixth form/college then you can usually go home and at least feel welcome/accepted by your family. When you're going home to a room without that support it makes something you'd previously brush off seem like a much bigger problem.
Stick with it, don't be afraid to ask people if they'd like to hang out and grab a coffee/watch some telly...and if you want to go clubbing then go for it - there's no reason you can't go on your own and just introduce yourself to people and explain you're on your own and would they mind if you stick with them for a bit.
University is really tough when you first start - if you're feeling lonely at school/sixth form/college then you can usually go home and at least feel welcome/accepted by your family. When you're going home to a room without that support it makes something you'd previously brush off seem like a much bigger problem.
Stick with it, don't be afraid to ask people if they'd like to hang out and grab a coffee/watch some telly...and if you want to go clubbing then go for it - there's no reason you can't go on your own and just introduce yourself to people and explain you're on your own and would they mind if you stick with them for a bit.
Thanks for the support guys! I am good friends with people on my course but they already live close to the uni so they have their friends here already and I don't want to tag along with people that have had their friendship group for several years. It's just annoying that I don't really have any friends and there don't seem to be more ways of getting friends even though I have tried everything. The socities I have joined are Volleyball, Football (social), Tennis, Paintballing, Poker.
I didn't have a good friend till my second year and plenty people I know and are happy to hang out with but their just people I know who I occasionally hang out with. Unlike my best mate at uni, who I hanged out with a lot in my second year and stayed in touch with over the summer. Am going into my third year now and am most likely to hang with this person this year. You never know when you meet someone that you just click with and have good friends. Just put yourself out their in societies and sports you will make friends.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
it feels weird to have so many good acquaintances that i can chat with but no friend at all
I know exactly how you're feeling! But don't let it make you drop out of university if you are enjoying your course. My expectations for university were the polar opposite of how it really was.. I am considering dropping out as my course isn't for me.
Original post by TheGuy1
So I have been at university for 2 and a half weeks now. I don't really have any friends. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??I'm in a really similar situation, there's 5 of us in our flat and the three other girls get on really well and go out together, the guy gets on with us all and then there's just me. I really tried to get on with them all but we're so different and I have an anxiety issue so that makes absolutely everything about uni so difficult and me and this guy I was seeing had a huge argument & he woke them all up at like 3 in the morning and its just made everything so much worse - I don't even like leaving my room when they're all in.
I'm lucky that I knew two people living at my accommodation before I actually got to uni however because of said argument one is not talking to me and the other is working so much and managed to make friends through that. I don't have anyone else who I consider a friend other than my best friends who are third years and busy with their dissertations already and will be leaving at the end of the year anyway so won't help when it comes to looking for houses for next year.
All of it sucks and I'm considering asking for a flat move or dropping out. Wasn't expecting uni to make me feel so alone tbh!
Original post by TheGuy1
So I have been at university for 2 and a half weeks now. I don't really have any friends. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??
. I mean I have friends but no friends I can hang around with. My flat mates are nice and I get along with them but I'm not close to any of them and they always go out with their own friends anyway. I have joined 5 socities and yet again I have made friends but no one who I feel I can become close with. I have sat next to numerous amounts of people in lectures etc but they always seem to have their own friends already. If anything I have maybe one friend who I go shopping with (if that), but whenever I ask him to go clubbing he always turns down the offer. It's so annoying because I'm quite a social and confident guy who likes going to clubs, bars etc. But I have no one to go with at all, I sit in my room every night hearing people walk past sounding like they are having a brilliant time. I have made a lot of effort into making friends byt it never seems to get anywhere. It's really depressing me as I have done everything I can possibly do. What makes it worst is that all my friends from home seem to be having a fantastic time at uni then there's me. One more thing is I'm worried that everyone have already made their friendship group by now so I will find it very hard to actually get a group of friends so I won't have a 'friends' house next year. Any suggestions on what I can do as I'm really panicking here??I've seen countless repeats of this post - I can tell you, you aren't alone in this feeling. I think the common thing with everybody in this situation is that you are all overthinking it and worrying a lot. I know it's enough to make you panic but don't worry. People have different experiences with university. You said you've been trying everything you can possible do, are you sure you aren't trying to hard with the wrong people? Not everybody is compatiable and you need to find people with similar interests, like and what not. You'll slowly find them on your course as you speak to more and more people. Join societies that you have an interest in and you'll meet people that share other interests of yours. People will argue this but it's never too late to make friends. As the year goes on friends will appear here and there. Don't compare your time at university to your friends, it'll just make you feel worse. Like I said, everybodies experiences university differently. Just keep doing what you are doing and try not too stress yourself out.
Thanks for your responses.
UPDATE: I'm still really alone. I somehow persuaded my flat mate who I'm friends with to go to a club last weekend. I made an effort and spoke to a lot of people and I met up again with a guy I met in the first week and got his number etc to hopefully go out with him. I texted him this week about going out this weekend but he seems like he doesn't want me to come and hasn't invited me out with him and a few of his friends e.g I said me and my flat mate are going out this weekend do you want to come? And he said no he is going out with 3 other of his friends already and didn't ask me if I wanted to go?! I have met him a few times and got on really well. I also asked 2 guys from my society if they wanted to go out but they said they are already going out with their flat mates and also didn't invite me along.
I really don't know what to do. I feel like everyone is afraid of being alone or with a small amount of people so they stick with their flat mates or a bigger group so they don't want to go out with me.
Any more advice?
UPDATE: I'm still really alone. I somehow persuaded my flat mate who I'm friends with to go to a club last weekend. I made an effort and spoke to a lot of people and I met up again with a guy I met in the first week and got his number etc to hopefully go out with him. I texted him this week about going out this weekend but he seems like he doesn't want me to come and hasn't invited me out with him and a few of his friends e.g I said me and my flat mate are going out this weekend do you want to come? And he said no he is going out with 3 other of his friends already and didn't ask me if I wanted to go?! I have met him a few times and got on really well. I also asked 2 guys from my society if they wanted to go out but they said they are already going out with their flat mates and also didn't invite me along.
I really don't know what to do. I feel like everyone is afraid of being alone or with a small amount of people so they stick with their flat mates or a bigger group so they don't want to go out with me.
Any more advice?
I feel the same way.I want to go out have fun clubbing and bars just chill etc but literally no one comes to mind. Sure I made new friends have current friend and all that, but we have nothing in common we dont share the same interest on how to have fun. Sometimes when everything is just too hard, I stop trying and just hoping this all will end. So sorry I have no advice for you, because life is full of **** most of the time.
Original post by qila
I feel the same way.I want to go out have fun clubbing and bars just chill etc but literally no one comes to mind. Sure I made new friends have current friend and all that, but we have nothing in common we dont share the same interest on how to have fun. Sometimes when everything is just too hard, I stop trying and just hoping this all will end. So sorry I have no advice for you, because life is full of **** most of the time.
YES this is exactly me. I have no one to invite on nights out. If they do come, I know I wouldn't enjoy their company that much because we have nothing in common. My flatmates are all aright I guess but they've formed their own 'clique' and hardly hang out with anyone outside the flat which I find very annoying. I like a variety of friends. Otherwise it's the same old ****.
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