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Can someone please mark this paragraph and give me feedback

Priestly portrays Mr Birling as an arrogant, vain and selfish business man "talking as hard-headed, practical man of business". this suggest although Mr BIRLING is referee to one of the 7 deadly sins (which is greed he still cares about the family), however this also shows a sign of capitalism priestly wishes to show how shallow money-grubbing can be. Being a capitalist is an advantage to hold power and dominance over their social inferior like Eva smith," hard-headed" illustrate to the audience that priestly deliberately conveys Mr Birling to appear a knowledgeable man.
Original post by zehe
Can someone please mark this paragraph and give me feedback

Priestly portrays Mr Birling as an arrogant, vain and selfish business man "talking as hard-headed, practical man of business". this suggest although Mr BIRLING is referee to one of the 7 deadly sins (which is greed he still cares about the family), however this also shows a sign of capitalism priestly wishes to show how shallow money-grubbing can be. Being a capitalist is an advantage to hold power and dominance over their social inferior like Eva smith," hard-headed" illustrate to the audience that priestly deliberately conveys Mr Birling to appear a knowledgeable man.


I think the ideas are good, try and comment more on the effect to the audience. Explain what the irony of Mr. Birling appearing a knowledgeable man is, especially considering the dramatic irony of quotes such as;
“the Titanic—she sails next week—forty-six thousand eight hundred tons—forty-six thousand eight hundred tons—New York in five days—and every luxury—and unsinkable, absolutely unsinkable.” and also his ridiculous predictions that there will never be a war. It is through this the audience understands how pretentious and unknowledgeable Mr. Birling is, as obviously there is a war and the Titanic does sink.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
To start with, try to use capital letters at the start of each sentence and also not to spell words entirely in capitals.
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Thank you I really appreciate your comment it really helped me.
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Thank you I appreciate your comments it really helped me.

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