Why is it I still feel like this?

For around 9 months now I have been dating someone. She's lovely and I genuinely do love her, theres been the odd troubled moment but thankfully nothing too major. One problem I'm having however relates to her and everything else, I feel that my life isn't "fair".Now I'm the first to admit this is stupid, I don't live in poverty, don't suffer abuse, nothing of that sort. In fact, I'm on course to going to a top 10 russell group (If I get accepted ovbiously), have a part-time job and my family are pretty well off (even though I don't see any of it).

My problem is I feel like theres a cycle, I don't get enough in return? Its really bad because I know I shouldn't be rewarded for anything per say but its annoying me. For example, I don't get to see any of my family, we all live in the same city more or less but we are a family who only comes together in emergencies and that can happen every 10 years. Its that bad, I don't speak to ANY of my cousins at all, I have tried but it just doesn't work and we don't connect. And we never do things such as go out for meals or days out, everyday off is a day at home. We don't get to have fun or do anything and when I suggest theres always always an excuse. Now in relation to my GF she has a pretty exciting life, constant family events, goes out to places and is very very spoilt. Not in the "I get what I want" way but more in the way of doing nice things. Its bad but I'm envious and frustrated, because I work so hard for things and feel I get little. I achieved the best GCSES and AS in my household and barely was recognised, I know its wrong to want to be but I feel its dismissed. My father hasn't spoken to us in over two months and he cares more for his other children than us (My brother has gone to uni, so its me, mum and my sister, the other sisters are living their lives).

So I have no father figure, no holidays, nothing. With my part-time job my hours are being cut and are so inconsistant that I'm struggling to get by as dumb as it sounds. I am very independent and so people assume I can handle things. And this is another thing, I have so much burdens to take on it drives me mad. I get jealous when I see people going on holidays or going out and they haven't done as well as me, its stupid and petty but I feel that with all I have achieved, I deserve something also. Its so unfair (to me), I work my backside off. I study two hours every night at least, today I'm not working as they messed up the schedule and besides this rant I've been studying AS EVER. I'm so fed up, I hate never having things to do. Next week I have a university open day but I'm not even applying there, I'm only going as afriend is and its a ten minute walk from here.

Another problem is unis, I'm someone who has always worked his backside off, I'm not a genius at all but I am pretty smart and I know this. My dream uni (I can't mention it because someone may see and they'll be able to add up its me) is one I can achieve, I can get into it and I love that. The problem? My gf is rather unwell, very unwell, if i left where we are it would kill her and at first i thought this is stupid, how can you give up your dream for this? But its not so easy now. I know for a fact its the wrong decision, but I'm settling for a still great uni near home but not my dream one. the dream one is extremely prestigious and wow, even talking about it upsets me because I know if I apply, I'll be there. Theres also the worry I have of leaving home.Overall i'm just extremely fed up and honestly miserable with my life, its not fair (to me) how I work my hardest at everything and anything yet I still go without. How is it that someone who doesn't work as hard as me gets to go on holidays yet the furthest I go is another stinking Borough? I know my rant is both stupid and makes no sense, and immature.

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

Original post by Anonymous

If I were you I would really sit down and think about your 'settling for a uni near home' plan. It sounds like your dream uni is pretty good, better than the top 10 RG one you're planning on applying to, and when it comes to uni you want to be somewhere where you're happy and satisfied. And if the relationship doesn't work out and you're stuck at the uni close to you, you'll regret it or wonder 'what if...'. Okay, you've described a bit about the nature of the relationship but are you sure that you don't want to try for a long distance relationship?

There isn't much you can do to change our family, I don't think. Maybe as your cousins/siblings get older you'll have a better relationship with them and you can meet up, go for meals etc.

And okay, you're not being rewarded much now (I tend not to get rewards from parents for things I do, but the fact that they support me, give me clothes and food and love me is more than enough for me) but it sounds like things are going well for you, with your studies going well for job after uni where you can get your own money and do as you wish, as well as now where you have a bit from a part time job. Comparing yourself to others is probably not a good idea, just be happy for them or think nothing of it.

Reply 2

aamirac

Go to your dream uni. You deserve it after all the work you put into going there.

Try not to compare yourself to others because whilst there is someone always better than you, there could also be be someone in a worse situation. (Last part frightens me every time I think of it)

Reply 3

Abcdefghijk123

Original post by SeanFM

This. Op, I think it's a really bad idea to settle for the university nearby, as if you go further away you can have a fresh start from things and try for a long distance relationship.

I'm not sure what to say about your feelings about your cousins and feeling that your life isn't fair, apart from that I feel the same way about my own life and you certainly aren't alone. But boy does it suck. Counselling could be an idea if this feeling persists?

Why is it I still feel like this?

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