Is there an appropriate time to bring up the talk of making it official?

Hello everyone, I am looking for some advice on my situation.

I've been dating a girl now for 2 weeks. We have had 4 dates so far and it seems to be going pretty well, if time of dates are anything to go by. First date was a 3 hour date at a cafe and walk in the park. Second date was a trip to the zoo which lasted 8 hours.

3rd date was a Netflix and pizza movie night back at my place which ended up turning into "Netflix and chill" despite how much I cringe at that phrase.
She stayed over night at my place and ended up staying throughout much of the next day.

She then invited me around to her place, I stayed the night over at hers this time and we chilled out together all day the next day and our 4th date was a comedy night.

We have also kissed multiple times and slept together on 2 occasions now. Our 5th date is planned for next week on Thursday which will be a long time since our last date unfortunately (12 days) but her schedule dictates it this week.

All of this has made me want to bring up the topic if we should make it official between us and become a couple but at the same time I don't want to scare her away by bringing it up so soon (which might seem weird to some people since we've already slept together twice already)

If I were to ask her on our next date it will have been 3 and a half weeks since we went on our first date together.

What does everyone think? Too soon or not? I'm conflicted between bringing it up and maybe waiting at least 1 month before asking in order not to scare her away too fast.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Crikey you make going out with someone sound like some sort of factory production line. Are there various states within a relationship that have to be negotiated before you can move to the next state? It sounds like all is good. Why complicate things by forcing abstract concepts onto something that is clearly very natural and enjoyable?

Reply 2

Ruffiio

Original post by Anonymous

Because I don't like the idea of continually dating someone in hopes that they naturally just consider each other official or girlfriend/boyfriend without actually sitting down and talking about it. It would never be right to just assume that they're your official partner without talking to them about it in my opinion as it can end up with someone misinterpreting the relationship if both parties aren't on the same page.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I agree with my predecessor anonymous #1.

You are obviously an "official couple" already.

How old are you and how many chicks have you banged in the past? You sound like a casual sex god.

Here I am, an 18 year old virgin awing in wonder at men like you. If only I could get one..

Reply 4

black_mamba

I think the best time is whenever you feel strongly enough that you want to make it official. There are no rules, and often in very passionate relationships where the compatibility is really high, people become official extremely quickly (few weeks after meeting).

Reply 5

Ruffiio

Original post by Anonymous

Seriously not..this is only the second woman I've slept with and I'm only 20. Don't worry mate, if it makes you feel any better I finished first year of university still a virgin and not even kissed a girl. I sat in my room at the end of first year depressed at the mere thought I might end up going through university, graduating still a virgin etc.

2 months after being in this depressive state I got into my first ever relationship and lost my virginity, so much changed in a year. it's sounds cliche when people say you never know what's around the corner but in my case I never expected I would be in a relationship at that point and I was completely wrong.

Being in a relationship also gave me that new-found confidence to approach girls, honestly the girl I met now I was sitting in my student bar with a few mates, saw this girl I liked, went over said "Hey what's your name? I think you're pretty cute I was wondering If I could get your number" and it starts from there. It's not that hard really, all about getting the guts to just approach women, don't expect them to come to you.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 6

Ruffiio

Original post by black_mamba

True, maybe I focus too much on what her reaction will be, If I personally feel like it's the right time I should totally bring it up right? I made the mistake of being overly clingy in my past relationship though which I have learned from so that's made me more wary of coming on too strong too fast. (which again some people might find stupid since i've already slept with her, but for some reason I feel like making it official is a bigger step than sleeping with someone as one is physical and the other is emotional)

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ruffiio

Because I don't like the idea of continually dating someone

Seriously, keep going on lots of dates. Before you know it you end up married and a good night is having an early shower before having a small brandy whilst watching Downton Abbey on a Sunday night! :smile:

If having the tag "Girlfriend / Boyfriend" means a lot to you, then just say so. Don't over think it and don't hold back. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about though.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Ruffiio

right I see, yes, I agree with you. Being an engineering student at a male-dominated uni is tough. I am also hating the fact that I am into my second year now, nearly 19, and still nothing. In any case, a crap mentality wont get me anywhere.

But that's why I was shocked when you said "is this a relationship?"

obviously to me, that is marriage-material. but im a loner sitting in my dorm behind my laptop, ignore me, move on. bye.

Reply 9

vamile

Im very much in the same boat as yourself except me and my partner have been continually dating and seeing each other for iver 8months now, we do everything together, both families love each other we have taken long weekend breaks together, gone away together literally everytbing you do as a couple weve done, even the ****ty arguments.

Im very much like yoirself, i believe in knowing where you stand, in todays generation its all to easy for someone just to turn round and be like "but were just friends".. that doesnt wash with me.. however whenever ive brought up making it "official" with my significant other if anything its pushed her away, it puts the pressure on of actually being in a relationship even though the way you are with each other would signify a relationship anyway. I decided to take my own moms advice and not worry about putting a stamp on it.. things happen naturally.. going back to the 50s 60s 70s onwards etc there was no stages of relationships... it seems today theres so many dofferent parts.

Part A - The txting part
Part B - The seeing each otherr/Dating part
Part C - The being together part..

Its all to much, i best sum it up with my ex... we were very much like you are now and when i got round to aaking her out her reply was " i thought i was yoirs allready"... that sealed the day and we were together 3years, and probably still would be had i not turned into a prick.

Relax is what im saying let the way things are ride out, before you know it if things are meant to be youll be married and have kids and you will have never asked the question at all. I hope everythings works out for you both my friend!