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Not fitting in with my flatmates

I've been at university for 3 weeks now and I really do like my flatmates (some of them any). However they seem to have made closer bonds with each other than I have. I do feel quite isolated from them. They're really loud and talkative whereas I'm quiet and shy. I've been out with them a few times so it's not like I'm not trying to interact with them. I just feel left out and I don't really know what I've done for them to ignore me. I have made it known that I'd like to join them whenever they go to town but when we do go, they leave me out in their conversation. I seriously feel like I'm back at school again.
Original post by SizzlingSausages
I've been at university for 3 weeks now and I really do like my flatmates (some of them any). However they seem to have made closer bonds with each other than I have. I do feel quite isolated from them. They're really loud and talkative whereas I'm quiet and shy. I've been out with them a few times so it's not like I'm not trying to interact with them. I just feel left out and I don't really know what I've done for them to ignore me. I have made it known that I'd like to join them whenever they go to town but when we do go, they leave me out in their conversation. I seriously feel like I'm back at school again.


Because you're shy doesn't mean the world needs to wait for you to gain some confidence...
You should know that going to university or if you wish to make more friends, you may (probably will) have to step out of your comfort zone and break THE SHT OUT OF THAT WALL THAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK!
YOU FEEL ME?
Original post by Francis.C
Because you're shy doesn't mean the world needs to wait for you to gain some confidence...
You should know that going to university or if you wish to make more friends, you may (probably will) have to step out of your comfort zone and break THE SHT OUT OF THAT WALL THAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK!
YOU FEEL ME?

Thanks for the motivation! I'll try to engage with them more and break those walls down. If that fails, I have friends from other flats and societies so I guess I'm not completely alone. They say you don't have to be 'best mates' with your flatmates so as long as I'm civil with them.
Original post by SizzlingSausages
Thanks for the motivation! I'll try to engage with them more and break those walls down. If that fails, I have friends from other flats and societies so I guess I'm not completely alone. They say you don't have to be 'best mates' with your flatmates so as long as I'm civil with them.



Exactly! You don't have to be besties with them as long as you all get along :smile: try and have a flat night in and find a series you all like or something like that. As long as you all have something in common and are tolerant/understand of each other then you'll be fine :smile:
Original post by Stephdainty
Exactly! You don't have to be besties with them as long as you all get along :smile: try and have a flat night in and find a series you all like or something like that. As long as you all have something in common and are tolerant/understand of each other then you'll be fine :smile:

I did suggest watching a film the other day but they weren't too keen on it. Instead, they were all in their rooms. I have tried but they don't seem to want to engage. As you said, I'd rather be able to tolerate them than have really rude flatmates who I can't deal with.It's just an awful feeling coming back to the flat finding out that everyone's gone to town without me.
Original post by SizzlingSausages
I've been at university for 3 weeks now and I really do like my flatmates (some of them any). However they seem to have made closer bonds with each other than I have. I do feel quite isolated from them. They're really loud and talkative whereas I'm quiet and shy. I've been out with them a few times so it's not like I'm not trying to interact with them. I just feel left out and I don't really know what I've done for them to ignore me. I have made it known that I'd like to join them whenever they go to town but when we do go, they leave me out in their conversation. I seriously feel like I'm back at school again.


Two options for you
1) Try raising that you feel left out when they go out without you
2) Look beyond your flat for friendships, to coursemates and clubs and societies.
I have joined societies and made friends there. Only they seem to be really close with their flatmates as well as my coursemates.If I do raise this issue, I feel that they'll take it the wrong way. I don't think they're consciously leaving me out. I do sit with them in their rooms and talk to them but maybe they don't realise I'm there because I'm not as loud as them. Also just found out they've made a group chat without me since we've moved in which is just what I needed.
Original post by jelly1000
Two options for you
1) Try raising that you feel left out when they go out without you
2) Look beyond your flat for friendships, to coursemates and clubs and societies.
Original post by SizzlingSausages
I have joined societies and made friends there. Only they seem to be really close with their flatmates as well as my coursemates.If I do raise this issue, I feel that they'll take it the wrong way. I don't think they're consciously leaving me out. I do sit with them in their rooms and talk to them but maybe they don't realise I'm there because I'm not as loud as them. Also just found out they've made a group chat without me since we've moved in which is just what I needed.


In relation to the society issue- at the moment maybe, but you've not long met people- friendship groups can and do change.
Thanks for the reply. Hopefully friendship groups will change soon. It's still early days I guess.
Original post by jelly1000
In relation to the society issue- at the moment maybe, but you've not long met people- friendship groups can and do change.

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